What GM's do in thier spare time vol. 1Follow

You never answered my question about why bob and joe did not get tortured by that WHM? Oh and I hope my comments were regarded as "Constructive Critisism" and not me just being a ****. I get that sometimes.

I am lookin forward to the next installments.

heh another one i liked

Volume 9

Kmartaru: Okay this way to the feast!
Bob: What feast?
Kmartaru: Hot-pot of course
Joe: Its called a cauldron. And its not food
Kmartaru: Fud. I like fud.
Bob: OMFG!!
Joe: I hate this kid
Kmartaru: I'm the new hero FYIBTW
Bob: Cocky little bas-
Oracle: STOP TALKING AND GO
Joe: okay, okay.

*Bob, Joe and the annoying new hero enter the chocobo stables*

Bob: You know I don't think this guy should be the hero.
Joe: I second that motion.
Kmartaru: Motion wah?
Bob: See what I mean!
Kmartaru: I think this is my prize for winning tawu-cad-game.
Kmartaru: This ring.. very pretty..
Oracle: THE ONE RING...TO RULE THEM AAALLLL
*The oracle nods knowingly*
Joe: ...
Bob: ...
Oracle: ...
Oracle: GET THE *** ON THAT CHOC.. NOW.
Kmartaru: All bow down to the grea-
*Bob slaps Kmartaru*
Kmartaru: ouchie!
Bob: Lets go
Joe: Ok.

<elvaanfemalerenter1> A chocobo will cost you 593 gil. I see that you have 92183012957837581274986218937982758732 gil.
<elvaanfemalerenter1> Would you like to rent a chocobo?

Bob: Not really, no.
Joe: nop
Kmartaru: Uhmm...uhmm.. uhmm-
*Bob slaps Kmartaru*
ORACLE: I SAID GET O-
Joe: okay!
Bob: Jeez take a chill pill
Oracle: I DID. WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS THING IN MY HAND
Bob: Holy ****! Theres really something called a Chill Pill?
Kmartaru: Of course-taru!
Kmartaru: Would you like to buy one? For only 79.99 a pack of 100 chill pills!
*Bob looks at the slogan under the package*
<sloganunderthepackage>: Just cchiilll.
Bob: Omg! Shiva's on the packaging!
Joe: Damn she ho-
Oracle: WTF DID I SAY!
Bob: Alrite already! Whats with the rush

*Bob, Joe and the new annoying hero hop on chocobos*

<jake> *cough* *cough* *wheeze*
<chocobo2> uhg..
Bob: ...
Joe: ...
<jake> *cough* pll..eea..se.. I.. I..
<chocobo2> He's really sick, spare him!
<chocobo2> I told you not to come out! but nooo
<jake> *wheeze* then who will..*cough* feed the..
Bob: pst pst. I dont think they can see us Joe.
Joe: Ya, they can only face forward.
<jake> What was that? You want to free me?
<chocobo2> Pllease! *cough*
Kmartaru: What going on?
Joe: Look, kmartaru! Food! Food!
Kmartaru: WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE!?!?!?!?!?
*Bob points at <jake>*
Kmartaru: ooohh..
ORACLE: STOP MESSING WITH THE POOR ANIMALS!
<jake> Its called *cough* animal *wheeze* lab.. *cough* bor.
Bob: ..
Joe: ..

*Bob, Joe and the tawu enter Ifrits Cauldron*

*Louds of people in there, hustle bustle, chattering*
Bob: Whoa, so crowded in here.
*Bump*
<crosseyedturtlecreature> Look where you're walking punk.
Bob: Why don't you walk where you're looking. punk.
Oracle: OWNED!
Joe: ahahahahahah
Kmartaru: ?..?
Kmartaru: ?
Kmartaru: ahahahahhah-
<crossedeyeturtlecreature> slaps Kmartaru.
Kmartaru: Ouchie!
Kmartaru: Hit me again and i'll use my wedding ring!
Oracle: THE ONE RING...TO RULE THEM AAALLLL
*The oracle nods knowingly*
Bob: What does it do anyway?
Joe: I think you turn invisible or something.
*Kmartaru puts on the ring*
BUM BUM BUUUMMM...
Kmartaru: Nothing happened..
Bob: !!
Joe: !!
<crosseyedturtlecreature> !!
Kmartaru: ??
Bob: PUT THAT RING OFF NOW.
Oracle: PUT THAT RING OFF NOW.
*Kmartaru puts the ring off*
Joe: I"M SCARRED FOR LIFE!!
<crosseyedturtlecreature> OMFG!! MY EYES MY EYESS!
Bob: It cant be much more messed up then it already is..
<crosseyedturtlecreature> you litt-
Oracle: You must hurry and destroy THE ONE RING...TO RULE THEM AAALLLL
*The oracle nods knowingly*
Oracle: Because that buffoon put on the ring, <THEMASTER> has detected your position and sent out his deadliest fighting force.
Joe: Which is?
Kmartaru: I'm sorry-worry
Oracle: It is...
BUM BUM BUUUMMM
Oracle: The Nine...
Kmartaru: Nine wah?
Oracle: The Nine Sea-gulls. They have cloaked themselves as black birds on migration and are coming to your position now.
Bob: !!
Joe: Lets hurry.

*Bob, Joe and the stupid buffoon enter the cafeteria*

Bob: Omg... it is a cafeteria.. the stupid kid was right for once
Kmartaru: Oh course!
Joe: omg..
Oracle: Well what are you waiting for! BURN THE THING BURN IT!
Joe: Will do command.
*Joe starts lifting Kmartaru into a firepit*
Oracle: THE RING! NOT HIM. BURN HIM LATER.
Joe: Right ok.
Kmartaru: Phew.

*Bob, Joe and the thing that will be burned later starts lining up at the counter*

Ifrit: Line'em up! No cutting in line or I WILL BURN YOU ALIVE.
*People of all races start to line up*
Ifrit: Today's special is my personal favorite:

Appetizers: Hot sauce salad in curry sauce.
Main course: Spicy Sausage fully dipped in tabasco sauce with notsochilly peppers at the side
Desert: A full gallon of raw tabasco sauce, comes with red peppers if you wish.
for ONLY 19.99 a meal!!

Note: If you don't buy it I will kill you.


Bob: ...
Joe: ...
Bob: Guess we'll line up.
Joe: We'll buy the food then ask him where to burn the ring.
Bob: k.
Kmartaru: Fud?
Joe: ...yes food.
*Kmartaru gives a triumphant cry!*
Kmartaru: Yay!
*Kmartaru does the panic dance*
<randommithra1> awwww
<randomelvaan24> awwww
*Kmartaru smiles warmly*
Bob: Little *******, get in line.

*6 minutes later*

Ifrit: NEXT.
Bob: Here we go.
*Ifrit dumps a pile of red stuff still steaming*
*Bob can feel heat coming from the stack of stuff*
Bob: omfg..
Joe: Are you kidding me..
Kmartaru: Yummy!
Ifrit: What do you expect? I mean its hel- uh. I mean the Cauldron.
Ifrit: So you want peppers with your desert or not?
Bob: uhm.. no thanks
Ifrit: You?
Joe: Not really, no.
Ifrit: How 'bout you kid?
Kmartaru: yeah! pepper yummy!
*Bob stares at Kmartaru in confusion*
*Joe stares at Kmartaru in confusion*
Kmartaru: What?

Bob: Well ifrit, what we came here for was to drop this ring into your pot.
Oracle: HURRY! I can sense the Sea-Gulls coming.
Ifrit: Well if you want to add stuff to the pot you go to that line
*Ifrit points at a counter labeled "Add stuff to the pot line"*
Bob: uhm, ok.
Ifrit: NEXT.

*The crew joins the "Add stuff to the pot line"*

<randompersoninline5> Look just add it in ok?
<counterwoman> Sorry dude, cant do that.
<randompersoninline5> Just do it!
<counterwoman> We cant add people in there OK!
<randompersoninline5> *mutter* *mutter*
*<randompersoninline5> goes away*

<counterwoman>: NEXT.
Bob: Hello. We need to add this ring to the pot.
<counterwoman>: Lets see it.
*<counterwoman> sees the ring*
<counterwoman>: Hmm.. sure looks like an important ring..
Oracle: HURRY!!
<counterwoman>: Hmm..

Oracle: NOO!!!
* 9 birds enter the Cauldron *
<seagull1-9> Caw! Caw! Caw!
<seagull1> Its okay, we dont need to pretend we're birds anymore.
<seagull2> But we are birds.
<seagull1> Caw! Oh shut up.
<seagull7> I think we should find them first.

Bob: Hurry!
<counterwoman>: Sorry, dude cant do that. Its too metal-like. You'll have to go to that line.
*<counterwoman> points at a counter labeled "Metal Stuff"*
Joe: OMFG. How many lines are there..
<counterwoman> Well theres the food line and the
Kmartaru: Fud!
<counterwoman> Yes food, and we got the add stuff to teh pot line and the metal line, and th-
Joe: OK OK!
Bob: Lets go, before the birds find us.

<seagull1>: There they are!
<seagull1>: Hand over the ring *****!
<counterwoman>: What did you call me?
<seagull1>: Wasn't talking to you old woman.
<counterwoman>: OLD!!
<seagull1>: Look kid, hand over the ring.
Kmartaru: Never!
*<counterwoman> defeats <seagull1>*
*<seagull1> falls to the ground*
<seagull2> HOLY ****!! CAWW!!!
<seagull3> CAWW!!
<seagull4> CAWW!!
<seagull5> CAWW!!
<seagull6> CAWW!!
<seagull7> CAWW!!
<seagull8> CAWW!!
<seagull9> CAW-*cough* AWW!!!!
<seagull6> You've got to work on that caw of your man.
<seagull9> Sorry dude.

<seagull2> Sorry beatiful woman. Please excuse us.
<counterwoman> That sounds more like it.
*<counterwoman> leaves*
Bob: ****, we're dead.
Joe: nod
Joe: MT
*Joe nods to Bob*
Kmartaru: I'm kinda hungry
<seagull5> *whisper* Heres our chance!
<seagull2> Look kid, i'll give you this riceball if you give us the ring.
Bob: KMARTARU NOO!!
Joe: OMFG NOO!!
Kmartaru: Shure!
*Kmartaru throws <seagull2> THE ONE RING...TO RULE THEM AAALLLL
*The oracle nods sadly*
Oracle: NOOOO!!!!!!

<seagull2> Easy as that.
Kmartaru: Wheres my Riceee-wicee?
<seagull2> ahhaa. Its in bobs bag.
Kmartaru: RAWR!!
*Kmartaru jumps at bob*
Bob: OMG OMG!! GET HIM OFF MEE!!
<seagull2> ahahah! Lets go guys!
<seagull3> CAWW!!
<seagull4> CAWW!!
<seagull5> CAWW!!
<seagull6> CAWW!!
<seagull7> CAWW!!
<seagull8> CAWW!!
<seagull9> *wheeze* Ca *cuogh* AWWW!!
<seagull6> Seriously dude, work on it.
<seagull9> Alrite alrite.

*<seagull2-9> Exit scene*

Bob: Its all over..
Joe: We're dead..
Kmartaru: Where rice? WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE I WANT FuD.
Oracle: Its not over yet. There is a way... the only way..



Next Volume: The Return of the Tawu.

Priceless just priceless
im waiting for more

*cough*

New volumes coming anytime this year? :P

Lol, fine. I just saw the last two post and I'm winging this story from scratch.

Volume 10
subtitled "The Return of the Tawu Part I"


Bob: Its all over..
Joe: We're dead..
Kmartaru: Where rice? WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE I WANT FuD.
Oracle: Its not over yet. There is a way... the only way..
Bob: Well say it already
Oracle: the..only way..the one.. way..
Joe: Godamnit say it you mothe-
Oracle: The oneeeee way...
Kmartaru: Fud?
Oracle: *cough* *cough* *wheeze*
Oracle: The oonnee...wa..yy..
Joe: Omg..
Oracle: The one... *cough* *whe-
*<weirddisease> defeats Oracle*
*Oracle falls to the ground*
Bob: HOLY ***!!!
Kmartaru: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe: OMFG!!!! (rofl) uh.. i mean.. uh.. OMFG!!
Bob: ****, what do we do now?
Kmartaru: Find some fud for me to eataru?
Joe: Omg, she just died, stop talking about food.
Bob: Hmm.. lets stay calm here, what do we do?
Joe: GMdev?

*3 minutes later*

GMdev: She died huh? Hmmm..
GMdev: The one way... what could it be?
GMdev: Give me some time..
Kmartaru: Fud?
GMdev: Yes! Thats it! You truly are gifted little midget.
Kmartaru: Fud for me?
Bob: Food?
Joe: ???!!?!?!
GMdev: It sounds like food but what he's really been trying to say is that-
Joe: -we're screwed?
GMdev: nooo.. he was tr-
Kmartaru: SHE **************** SHEE!!
*Kmartaru touches his mouth in confusion*
Kmartaru: ?
GMdev: Did you see that!!! Remember that? So I was right all along.
GMdev: You see his real purpose is a living tape recorder. He remembers everything that he has ever heard. All his brain cells are sent to recording all sound. Which kinda explains.. well you know.. his stupidity and why he always repeats what you say.
Kmartaru: Repeat?
GMdev: Well, apparently theres a glitch inside of him that can't be fixed. It is this glitch that sometimes makes his repetitions of sound wrong. It is also this glitch that is stopping him from being the ONE that he is.

Joe: So what was he trying to say about fud?
GMdev: He was refering to... The Feud of the Gods.

---------------------------- Flashback ------------------------

GMdev: Long ago, in a world not very far away, like 11 miles away, the Gods created the world that is Arkd'diel. This world was vast and fertile with all types of good things. One day, <THEMASTER> who was one of the gods came in and said, "I'm hungry." So he ate half of the entire world of Arkd'diel.

The others Gods were like, "Jesus Christ!!!"
Jesus: What? Were you asking for me?
Gods: No, its just a figure of speech.
Jesus: Thou shalt not us-
Gods: Oh shuttup.
<THEMASTER>: Hmm... yummy
Gods: You fat *******! Look at the destruction you have caused!
<THEMASTER>: *fart*
*Out from his fart comes the race of elvaa- uh. Beastmen.*
<THEMASTER>: I can do what I want! Look at my name!
Gods: We hereby banish you to that fugly place called Vana'diel. That small boring place will be your home for the rest of you life! There you will be forced to look at monsters that roam the lands like ants on a ant hill, and they all look the same! There you will be forced to sit in the corner of the dungeon and make someone pull these monsters to your corner for hours upon hours!
<THEMASTER>: Nice, I get to rule my own world.
Gods: Thats a punishment!!!
<THEMASTER>: Whatever.

-------------------------- Flashback Over --------------------

Bob: This is all kinda random isnt it?
GMdev: Well, actually Kmartaru was in the story. He was just hiding in the corner recording away. That was back when he was the ONE. That is where he learned the "Feud of the Gods". But because of the glitch, he refered to it as Fud.
Joe: So what do we do?
GMdev: You must destroy the glitch and release the ONE from this stupid fool's body.
Bob: Ah.
GMdev: You must venture to the lands of Arkd'diel. There you will find where to fix the glitch.
Bob: So where is Arkd'diel anyway?
GMdev: The entrance to Arkd'diel is everywhere. It can be most easily spotted in any of the three countires though. You'll also need this to be able to enter Arkd'diel.
*GMdev hands Bob a Perpetual Hourglass"

Bob: Whats this?
GMdev: You trade it to a place in one of the cities.
Bob: What place?
GMdev: Hell do I know. I've never been there.
Joe: ..ok..
Kmartaru: ..ok..
GMdev: Well off you go! Theres not much time! When the seagulls return to <THEMASTER> with the ONE RING, all will be lost. I will try to stop them with everything I can. Meanwhile, you must hurry and unlock this glitch.

*Bob, Joe and the tape recorder heads to Bastok*

Well that was kinda short and not that funny, I know. I'm tired and I just woke up.


Next Volume! "Return of the Tawu Part II"
subtitles "Venture to Arkd'diel"


Edited, Sat Jun 26 07:23:09 2004 by Alacer

You wanna write it styles? You say I can take my time, but you know how many people rush me and ask me to hurry up each day? Man, its hard.

Dont listen to him. Yer stories are mad funny.

ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     ↓His opinion is ****.↓

LMAO

Lol thanks guy. I've never seen monty python before, so all this is original.

dont listen to anyone trying to rush you

take your time

the good stuff shines through

Good Luck!

ya know ... this could be an AWSOME movie if somone put the funding into computer-izing the movie ... hmm

/em looks up his hollywood friends ... hah yeah right