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#1127 Mar 26 2018 at 10:24 AM Rating: Excellent
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If attacked, rush the shooter, liplock him and try to blow out his lungs.
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#1128 Mar 26 2018 at 12:05 PM Rating: Excellent
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Jophiel wrote:
If attacked, rush the shooter, liplock him and try to blow out his lungs.


My years of swapping nintendo cartridges have prepared me for this.
#1129 Mar 26 2018 at 12:10 PM Rating: Excellent
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My favorite response to Santorum so far has been, "Senator, CPR does not work when all the blood is on the ground."

Edited to add: you left out the part where he scolded kids for asking others to solve their problems. Y'know, like getting shot in their classrooms and stuff.

Edited, Mar 26th 2018 11:12am by Samira
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#1130 Mar 26 2018 at 12:20 PM Rating: Good
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All of these adults mocking or ignoring the children and young adults are like customers being rude to waiters and waitresses BEFORE they get their food. Meaning justice will be served with a side of saliva.

Why would you alienate future voters?
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#1131 Mar 26 2018 at 1:30 PM Rating: Good
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Samira wrote:
My favorite response to Santorum so far has been, "Senator, CPR does not work when all the blood is on the ground."
I mean, if you ignore the whole "they're kids" thing CPR is fine if the victim doesn't have a pulse. Not particularly useful if they're awake and bleeding out. Of course CPR is only viable if there's real help real close. As my platoon's medic put it: "On a basic life saving level, CPR to a chest shot is a lot like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic."

But he's just a skinhead lesbian so we can ignore him.
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#1132 Mar 26 2018 at 1:41 PM Rating: Excellent
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Sure, sure. CPR is a great skill, everyone should learn it.

BUT.

I don't expect anyone in an active shooter situation to stop and render first aid of any kind, and I doubt Rick "frothy mix of lube and fecal matter" Santorum does either.

As to expecting others to solve their problems, this is literally the kind of problem ol' Frothy Mix and his colleagues are supposed to solve.
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#1133 Mar 27 2018 at 7:42 AM Rating: Good
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Samira wrote:
As to expecting others to solve their problems, this is literally the kind of problem ol' Frothy Mix and his colleagues are supposed to solve.
Maybe he believes the problem is that kids aren't traumatized enough with just being shot at so he wants to add someone dying in their arms to really turn the knife?
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George Carlin wrote:
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
#1134 Mar 27 2018 at 11:01 AM Rating: Excellent
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The NRA admits that it accepts foreign funds but assures us that they're not used in its political contributions which would be all sorts of illegal.

I'm sure the people throwing a hissy fit over Planned Parenthood and saying "But what if one of those dollars is used for a light bulb on the abortion side!?!?!?" will react the same he--- hahahaha, no of course they won't. They'll silently accept it and, if asked, come up with some half-assed rationalization which fits their partisan agenda.

Edited, Mar 27th 2018 12:01pm by Jophiel
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#1135 Mar 27 2018 at 11:51 AM Rating: Excellent
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Who hurt you, Joph, to make you so untrusting?
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Curses, beaten by Professor stupidopo-opo.
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#1136 Mar 27 2018 at 12:03 PM Rating: Good
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They're not dollars, they're rubles. Totally different.
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#1137 Mar 27 2018 at 1:02 PM Rating: Good
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Jophiel wrote:
The NRA admits that it accepts foreign funds but assures us that they're not used in its political contributions which would be all sorts of illegal.

I'm sure the people throwing a hissy fit over Planned Parenthood and saying "But what if one of those dollars is used for a light bulb on the abortion side!?!?!?" will react the same he--- hahahaha, no of course they won't. They'll silently accept it and, if asked, come up with some half-assed rationalization which fits their partisan agenda.

Edited, Mar 27th 2018 12:01pm by Jophiel
The low hanging fruit is that one is funded by the government while the other is private and it's not OK to fund abortions with public money, whereas private money can do whatever it wants.
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#1138 Mar 27 2018 at 2:26 PM Rating: Good
GBATE!! Never saw it coming
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Professor stupidmonkey wrote:
Who hurt you, Joph, to make you so untrusting?
Show me on the forum where gbaji touched you.
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#1139 Mar 27 2018 at 4:22 PM Rating: Excellent
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Uglysasquatch wrote:
The low hanging fruit is that one is funded by the government while the other is private and it's not OK to fund abortions with public money, whereas private money can do whatever it wants.

And if I thought for a second that the sole opposition to PP was tax money, that might hold some water. As is, it falls under "half-assed rationalizations".

Also "can do whatever it wants" doesn't really apply to "breaking the law" unless you're just okay with organizations breaking the law. PP, on the other hand, is providing completely legal medical services.

Edited, Mar 27th 2018 5:24pm by Jophiel
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#1140 Mar 27 2018 at 4:25 PM Rating: Good
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Jophiel wrote:
As is, it falls under "half-assed rationalizations".
Yes, exactly as you asked for.
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#1141 Mar 27 2018 at 8:13 PM Rating: Excellent
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Smiley: thumbsup
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#1142 Mar 28 2018 at 3:54 PM Rating: Good
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Debalic wrote:
lolgaxe wrote:
I'm trying to decide between David Shulkin and John Kelly.
Between those, I'd say Kelly.
Shulkin it is. Via tweet, it seems.

Edited, Mar 28th 2018 5:55pm by lolgaxe
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#1143 Mar 28 2018 at 5:13 PM Rating: Decent
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lolgaxe wrote:
Debalic wrote:
lolgaxe wrote:
I'm trying to decide between David Shulkin and John Kelly.
Between those, I'd say Kelly.
Shulkin it is. Via tweet, it seems.

And this is why I don't bet.
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#1144 Mar 29 2018 at 7:42 AM Rating: Good
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I thought I'd have had more time before the next firing so I didn't get to take part of the death pool. Not sure who is next, but I think they're building up to go after Ben Carson. Maybe three or four firings down the road.
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#1145 Mar 29 2018 at 7:57 AM Rating: Excellent
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Yeah, if I was picking between Sessions, Kelly and Carson (all arguable candidates), I'd put my money on Carson and his $32,000 Deep State dining room table.
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#1146 Mar 29 2018 at 1:56 PM Rating: Excellent
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Maybe. I'd bet on Kelly. Reports are he's being marginalized.

Marginalizing your Chief of Staff is, well, stupid. But there you go. The White House is a business now, after all.
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#1147 Mar 29 2018 at 10:09 PM Rating: Excellent
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Of course, Sessions announced today that he's not going to appoint a Special Counsel to investigate the FBI's handling of Clinton so maybe he'll move to the front of the race.

Sessions is blocking Trump from doing stuff that Trump wants done (investigate Clinton, stop Russian investigation, etc). Carson is being an embarrassment. Trump is fighting with Kelly but I think Kelly can be compartmentalized easier than the other two: he only has as much authority as Trump gives him and he's not doing dumb shit for the media to report.

Edited, Mar 29th 2018 11:11pm by Jophiel
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#1148 Mar 30 2018 at 7:40 AM Rating: Good
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I think Sessions is safe as long as the Russia investigation is going. He's probably got some dirt that it's just safer to keep him close. Also he looks like a Kebbler Elf so I'm sure that factors in. And like you said, Kelly might annoy 45 but he doesn't really make waves either.

Ryan Zinke, Scott Pruitt, and Ben Carson were all brought to the White House with Shulkin about their ethics and their wasting tax dollars and such so I figure that's the lineup that's next on the chopping block.
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George Carlin wrote:
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
#1149 Mar 30 2018 at 7:56 AM Rating: Excellent
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News today is about Pruitt's sweetheart apartment deal from a lobbyist.
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Belkira wrote:
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#1150 Mar 30 2018 at 10:26 AM Rating: Excellent
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Jophiel wrote:
News today is about Pruitt's sweetheart apartment deal from a lobbyist.


AND spending taxpayer money on a family vacation to Disneyland. So maybe he moves up a rung.

We really need a bracket for this.
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#1151 Mar 30 2018 at 10:28 AM Rating: Good
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Looks like Hope Hicks pulled that trigger from a month ago and has officially left the White House. She joins Michael Dubke, Sean Spicer and Anthony Scaramucci, so one more Communications Director and 45 gets a free sandwich from the commissary.

Not counting it towards the death pool since she voluntarily did it and planned ahead of time.
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George Carlin wrote:
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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