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"7 commandments all video games should obey"Follow

#1 Sep 04 2009 at 11:01 PM Rating: Decent
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So I found my way back to this article while I was reading Cracked earlier, and I thought it was partially relevant to a lot of the discussions about FFXI/FFXIV (there are even some mentions of FF titles on the last page).

Even if you don't agree with it, it's a pretty amusing read.

http://www.cracked.com/article_16196_7-commandments-all-video-games-should-obey.html
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#2 Sep 04 2009 at 11:27 PM Rating: Decent
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MMOs break every one of those rules, and XIV won't be any different. Smiley: oyvey
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#3 Sep 04 2009 at 11:37 PM Rating: Good
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A friend linked that to me the other day.

I agree with the commandments, for the most part, but not really their examples.


Actually, scratch that. 'Every game should be co-op' is retarded.

Edited, Sep 5th 2009 12:38am by Kirbster
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#4 Sep 05 2009 at 1:39 AM Rating: Excellent
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Personally, I can't stand playing split screen in any game *cough Halo* I'm all for strapping on a headset and enjoying the fullscreen experience of my HDTV, while my friends are playing on their own setup, somewhere I can't see or smell them.
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#5 Sep 05 2009 at 2:03 AM Rating: Decent
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Splitscreen in FPS games was the dumbest thing anyone's ever invented. You may as well not even play, since it takes most, if not all of the fun out of the game once you realize the person you're playing with is staring at your screen more than his own.
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#6 Sep 05 2009 at 8:21 AM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
2. Thou shalt make sure your game actually works.


Not even a mention of EA Sports. lol.
#7 Sep 05 2009 at 8:53 AM Rating: Default
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They forgot #8 & #9:

Thou shalt not have any other gods before SE.

Thou shalt not question the almighty and infallible SE.
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#8 Sep 05 2009 at 9:32 AM Rating: Default
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Too Biblical of a name for a rule set IMHO.
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#9 Sep 05 2009 at 10:25 AM Rating: Good
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Splitscreen in FPS games was the dumbest thing anyone's ever invented. You may as well not even play, since it takes most, if not all of the fun out of the game once you realize the person you're playing with is staring at your screen more than his own.


Spoken like someone that took up gaming after Goldeneye.

That game was splitcreen FPS multiplayer and was one of the best entertainment times of my college days. Who cares that people could peak where you were... that just eliminated annoying campers with sniper rifles.

Admittedly its more immersive to do that stuff online, but it was still hella fun in the pre online era and added to parties just like the current music genre games make parties better. No one plays online Halo at a party, but plenty of folks played Goldeneye back in the day.
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#10 Sep 05 2009 at 10:38 AM Rating: Good
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somewhere I can't see or smell them.



Sounds like you need new friends... Or give your old ones a bar of soap.
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#11 Sep 05 2009 at 11:11 AM Rating: Decent
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I'd love to know what game or games don't break any of those commandments.
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#12 Sep 05 2009 at 1:49 PM Rating: Decent
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Kachi wrote:
So I found my way back to this article while I was reading Cracked earlier, and I thought it was partially relevant to a lot of the discussions about FFXI/FFXIV (there are even some mentions of FF titles on the last page).

Even if you don't agree with it, it's a pretty amusing read.

http://www.cracked.com/article_16196_7-commandments-all-video-games-should-obey.html


"All females in fighting games have to fight in their underwear."
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#13 Sep 06 2009 at 1:12 PM Rating: Decent
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Now imagine it's later in the evening and you're about to have *** with your girl. Suddenly she sits up, her boobies hanging out, and says, "Wait! We can't do it until you fling 10 cards into that hat over there! It's a rule in the obscure religion I practice!"

Will you enjoy the card flinging this time? No, and in fact the repetition you found enjoyable before will become maddening, as you flip cards around your frustrated, wilting manhood.



lol
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#14 Sep 06 2009 at 5:25 PM Rating: Decent
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Kuwoobie wrote:
I'd love to know what game or games don't break any of those commandments.


I'd say Halo 2 qualifies. I'm not familiar enough with 1 to make a call either way, and 3 was sort of lackluster story-wise. Probably GoldenEye and Gauntlet Legends (the N64 version), too. If you look to earlier games than that (where "multiplayer" meant "two player splitscreen"), Super Mario Kart (SNES) would make the cut in my book. I'd say Snake Rattle 'n' Roll (NES), but I suppose #5 (don't force repetition/retries) would kill it for most people, as the difficulty was insane and led to a lot of restarts. Contra (NES) qualifies if you consider that even having a story was an innovation at that time and let the "aliens attack Earth; two rogue commandos fight to save it" slide.
#15 Sep 06 2009 at 5:37 PM Rating: Good
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Halo falls under the "Grizzled space marine" section of rule #3, doesn't it?
#16 Sep 06 2009 at 5:58 PM Rating: Decent
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valid wrote:
Halo falls under the "Grizzled space marine" section of rule #3, doesn't it?


Probably, but 1) they didn't list it for some reason (which surprised me), and 2) there's certainly a **** of a lot more to Halo 2's story than just the space marine schtick. You could also argue that Johnson fits the "grizzled space marine" archetype more than Master Chief does, but that doesn't really change anything.

Basically, my opinion is Halo's (specifically Halo 2's) story and background was unique enough to separate it from the rest of the genre.

Also a possibility: Master Chief didn't sound enough like Duke Nukem to qualify as "grizzled".
#17 Sep 06 2009 at 7:54 PM Rating: Decent
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CapnCrass wrote:
valid wrote:
Halo falls under the "Grizzled space marine" section of rule #3, doesn't it?


Probably, but 1) they didn't list it for some reason (which surprised me), and 2) there's certainly a **** of a lot more to Halo 2's story than just the space marine schtick. You could also argue that Johnson fits the "grizzled space marine" archetype more than Master Chief does, but that doesn't really change anything.

Basically, my opinion is Halo's (specifically Halo 2's) story and background was unique enough to separate it from the rest of the genre.

Also a possibility: Master Chief didn't sound enough like Duke Nukem to qualify as "grizzled".


Could be dead wrong but I think they just meant appearance-wise. I think only Doom and Aliens have anything to do with space. If I am wrong it just shows how into console gaming I am. lol.
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