I know that bringing about a change in cognitive reasoning for the purpose of helping people see things in a more healthy and beneficial way is largely central to a number of therapeutic forms, but so is respecting an individual's right to self determination. Yes, it would be a benefit if everyone had a thicker skin. Yes, if you can convince someone to try and develop a thicker skin you're probably doing them a favor of sorts. But you can't create an expectation around it. Changing the way people think requires either trust or high explosives. If I tell you that something you're doing is making me uncomfortable and you keep doing it, you damage trust. As right as you may be, as important as your point may be to you, you had a chance to earn by collaborating and you blew it (figurative 'you', of course).
Well, I'm not creating expectations of anyone, personally. People will continue to be ***** and pussies, and ***** will keep pounding on pussies and pussies will keep taking the beating. Telling people to "stop being a ****" or "stop being a *****" is rarely a successful strategy.
However, people learn in complex and myriad ways, not just by "trust or high explosives."
I'm not on the clock here, and as I said before, don't feel any particular obligation to "do the right thing." It's easy for me to tell people to sack up, and is highly unlikely to hurt them. The typical failure of that strategy has been half-witnessed already. "No, OTHER people should be responsible for MY emotions," becomes a more salient mindset (because god knows they don't want to be a heartless jerk like they perceive me to be), but most people will eventually come to the realization that it's not a very adaptive worldview. And if they don't, oh well. I'm still going to live happily and then die.
That's why I said cultural competency is a one way street. Expecting people to investigate and adapt to my way of thinking based on cultural conditioning is a doomed strategy. It would be nice if it was something we could all count on, but the simple fact of the matter is that it's not. And we've got thousands of years of violent human history to attest to what happens when you've got a group of people on each side of a proverbial battlefield saying, "If you're not going to see things my way, I'm not going to try to see things your way, so let's abandon negotiations and get down to the gory bits."
That's why it's pretty ******* adaptive to not care if other people "get it" or not. It would really be pretty hypocritical of me to allow the fact that other people are upset by my worldview to upset me. Afterall, it's largely their problem, and I am -mostly- being nice by making any effort to address it. I don't expect any appreciation or anything, because nice or not, it's not that selfless an endeavor. And I've kind of come to expect people to think that I'm an insensitive jerk for suggesting that they help themselves, even though anyone who knows me only knows me as a deeply loving and nurturing person.
Anyway, this is not a cultural issue for the most part, though I see the analogy. This is predominantly a general psychological issue that transcends culture. "Health" is mostly universal.
This idea that you should just "feel your feelings" suggests that your initial emotional reaction to a situation is always the right one, and is complete nonsense.
No, it's not. It's a fundamental requirement to developing the kind of self awareness that becomes a tool for positive growth/change. As a mental health professional, I'm sure you're as aware as anyone else how few people actually possess an accurate and healthy sense of self awareness. And the instant you start telling people that they're wrong for the way they feel, you...again...lose trust. Your ability to help them is diminished. Your ability to encourage them to see your point of view is all but destroyed, so either start stockpiling the C-4 or accept the ongoing conflict that develops.
No? Don't get me wrong-- it's an important strategy in dealing with serious traumatization, but we're not talking about rape or abuse victims, or generally any kind of situation that entails the need of grief counseling. And as I alluded to before, a counseling method is not the same as a counseling goal. A counselor can feign acceptance and validation of all feelings, recognizing that it would be counterproductive to tell you to sack up, but ultimately their goal is for you to sack up and get on with your life. I'm not here as a counselor, and it exceeds my limits as an individual to genuinely care about whether all the people here or in FFXIV are emotionally self-actualized individuals.
So I'm not going to attempt to create a safe place for you (ambiguous) to share your feelings and try to help you work through them at your own pace. I'm going to cut the **** and tell you that ultimately, you are asking people who don't, won't and can't care about you to not kick your ***, and then when they do, you also kick yourself in the *** by letting it bother you. You may sway a few people, and by all means try if you have it in you, but you are seriously shortchanging your growth and wellbeing as a person if you embrace that as your one and only strategy for emotional resolution.
For the love of you, do not depend
on others, on the internet or in person, to provide you with emotional security and treat your feelings gently. Do yourself a favor and grow a thick skin. It is not an easy thing, but it is a worthwhile endeavor. As for self awareness, that is a skill that you develop as a part of that process. You definitely have to acknowledge your initial feelings, but you also have to learn not to run with them. Sometimes someone does something and I feel angry, and I have to acknowledge that I feel angry, assess whether or not I should feel angry (the answer is basically always "no" because I don't LIKE being angry), and then stray away from those angry cognitions. Another important aspect of this process is preventing those initial negative feelings altogether by emotionally conditioning yourself.
I look back on many situations where I could have let my emotions get the better of me (and society would have vindicated me), and know that I am a much happier person as a result of learning to take responsibility for my own emotions. I only wish the same for everyone. Frankly it is much easier to convince someone to do themselves a favor than it is to convince them to do favors of courtesy for others.