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#1 Apr 30 2010 at 1:59 PM Rating: Excellent
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So there I was...talking to my girlfriend about moving with her to California. Me being slightly reluctant to move to that state I struck a deal. I said in so many words, "I'll have no qualms about moving to Cali if you play Final Fantasy XIV with me." Being the loving person that she is I received a hesitant yes.

Now, in all honesty I was going to move with her regardless but found an 'in' to get her to play this game with me (and i think she knows that) but what I really want to know is for those of you out there, who have maybe been in this situation before, what have you done to make this kind of experience enjoyable for your significant other?

Personally, there's little more I would love to do than aimlessly do guild leves, grind and explore this game with her and I understand that if she doesn't want to play after awhile there's not a lot I can do. But, again, any advice from past experiences would be helpful in making things fun for her so we can progress through this game together. Thanks!
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#2 Apr 30 2010 at 2:03 PM Rating: Excellent
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i should convince my girlfriend i will only marry her if she plays the game with me...

Wait, no i'd be a bachelor. lol

Edited, Apr 30th 2010 2:19pm by boriss
#3 Apr 30 2010 at 2:53 PM Rating: Excellent
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Just remember that you have to be willing to be patient with them, and adapt yourself to their schedule playing rather than them adapting to you. It's always good, when possible, to have more than one character. One that you can play on to satisfy your own gaming needs, and one that you use with your significant other so that they don't feel like you're passing them by and moving ahead without them.

Most times if you push them too hard, they'll lose interest faster. So just keep in mind that even if they only play a few times every week or two...as long as it's he/she choosing to do so, you're going along the right path. Good luck Smiley: smile
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#4 Apr 30 2010 at 2:56 PM Rating: Good
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I should convince my girlfriend i will only marry her if she plays the game with me


Sounds fair enough, something for something :D
#5 Apr 30 2010 at 3:30 PM Rating: Decent
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I'll be playing with mine. Assuming there's no decent level sync-like mechanic-- which thus far there doesn't seem to be, but I can't imagine there won't be eventually-- I'm just going to craft/gather while she's not playing (or level another class if that won't **** up my physical level), and ask that she do the same. If there's a huge disparity we might do separate characters.

She played a ton of WoW, so she at least has the capacity for getting into it. Maybe more than me at this point XD
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#6 Apr 30 2010 at 3:38 PM Rating: Excellent
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Something to think about is that your RL relationship will now be part of your FFXIV experience. Wait till the first time either of you want to party and the other says, "Not tonight, I've got a headache." Or you might be the hardcore type and she be like, "Does this gear make my **** look fat?" >.<

Edited, Apr 30th 2010 2:39pm by AngusX
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#7 Apr 30 2010 at 3:59 PM Rating: Good
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Two things to say about this:

1. Let's hope your significant other doesn't go to the same forums you do, otherwise your "in" might backfire lol
2. I live in California, and I love it. Who knows you might get her to play FFXIV and a nice place to live :)

Edited, Apr 30th 2010 5:59pm by SleeplessMickey
#8 Apr 30 2010 at 4:03 PM Rating: Decent
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I've told my g/f I want her to at least try FFXIV, but I wouldn't put some kind of condition on it, like you have to play it or I won't do ______ .

My g/f has never played an MMO. The closest thing she has played is The Sims. Because this game is a lot more casual friendly, I do think she has a chance to get into the game and really enjoy it. I never really attempted to get my g/f to play FFXI, because I knew it was too hardcore, and either she would end up hating it and promptly quitting, or end up completely addicted to it, both of which aren't desired outcomes.

My plan, and my advice to others, is to not force yourself or force your spouse to play FFXIV. Play it as long as you have fun playing it, and if your spouse doesn't like it, then respect his/her opinion and keep your playing time to a reasonable amount, so you can still have time to do something with your spouse that you can enjoy together.
#9outzaidurz, Posted: Apr 30 2010 at 4:10 PM, Rating: Sub-Default, (Expand Post) Hai!
#10 Apr 30 2010 at 4:25 PM Rating: Good
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You know, being hardcore and not wanting your **** to look fat aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. :p
#11 Apr 30 2010 at 4:31 PM Rating: Excellent
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Honestly, once my wife got on, she found the experience entertaining. I would say like the others, just be patient. You take for granted that you are used to MMO's and you want her to get it. My wife is very social, so I told her it was a chance to make some online friends. So, when she got on, she would walk around and just talk to random people. Actually it worked to my benefit because I met some really good players from her and it helped me. But you just have to find that one part of the game that she actually enjoys and let her experience it her own way. Even if it's just sitting on a dock, fishing for hours, it's the enjoyment she finds. And, by the way, good luck in CA, we moved out because it was so darn expensive!
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#12 Apr 30 2010 at 5:40 PM Rating: Decent
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That's cool and all, but what if she doesn't like the game?

WHAT'S YOUR PLAN B, OP? PERSONALITY?
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#13 Apr 30 2010 at 5:50 PM Rating: Good
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Luckily my fiance and I both loved FFXI, and are ecstatic about XIV. He and I used to play together nightly. We'll be sharing last names (..which I happen to find an adorable idea ^^' ) If your girlfriend ends up enjoying the game, it's kind of a nice way to spend time together. Good luck with that :x does she even like video games? o.o'

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#14 Apr 30 2010 at 7:27 PM Rating: Good
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Thank you everyone for all of the fantastic advice and well wishes!

As for my girlfriends gaming history it's pretty much Mario games and Doodle Jump on her iPhone. So, as numerous people have said I will have to be patient and when she does play I'll definitely take advantage of it. Also, Bigcountry, I think letting her find her own aspect of the game to enjoy is a really solid idea.

As for a backup plan for me? If she doesn't absolutely fall in love with the game I'll just have to let her go. LOL j/k! But seriously if she doesn't that's fine and I'll just play a bit more sparingly. :)
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#15 Apr 30 2010 at 7:41 PM Rating: Good
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If only I can get my g/f to play. She is into old school Mario. I just have to get her into this MMO then I won't have some one nagging me about playing to much. Hopefully she will get into it too. (here is to hoping). Good luck Echose.
#16 Apr 30 2010 at 7:55 PM Rating: Good
If you want to keep your g/f happy in game, just do things with her. She will be happy as long as you are spending time with her. I suggest making sure that your pc's / ps3's are close. Make sure you are right next to her in RL. Even if she doesn't like the game, she will like participating in something that you like.

Edit: However ... you will have to return the favor. Be prepared to do things that you don't like to balance it out.

Edited, Apr 30th 2010 9:57pm by Tenfooterten
#17 Apr 30 2010 at 8:01 PM Rating: Good
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My wife and I have already planned to play FFXIV together. She is soo excited. What I'm trying to do is get her out on the golf course and use the Callaways I paid a few hundred for. :P
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#18 Apr 30 2010 at 8:17 PM Rating: Decent
Avarclon wrote:
My wife and I have already planned to play FFXIV together. She is soo excited. What I'm trying to do is get her out on the golf course and use the Callaways I paid a few hundred for. :P


Just give her a 20 stroke handicap and all will be good. :P



Edited, Apr 30th 2010 10:18pm by Tenfooterten
#19 Apr 30 2010 at 11:10 PM Rating: Decent
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My girl and I live in LA and will both be playing FFXIV.

If you are going to be playing via PS3 at all:
My PSN name is Flarros and hers is Frejya84
We are both fairly active and have headsets as well as keyboards

Even if not though, we can still play together online. It might make it more "okay" to her to be playing an MMO if there is another female in the party. :)

My girl is actually pretty new to video games herself. She has been playing for about a year now and FFXIV will be her first MMO. She didn't even realized she liked them until I had her try a few. :)



p.s. You will love Cali ;)
#20 May 01 2010 at 12:28 AM Rating: Default
I'm still trying to find a way to equate Fable 2 to FFXIV for my fiancee. She loved that game, but she doesn't want to go online to where she might ***** something up while other people are around. I'm hoping I can convince her that I will be there to guide her, but she just scowls at me.

If only it were coming out for 360 :( So in order to even think about getting her to play I have to either build her a pc or buy her a ps3 on top of the pc I am piecing together. =\

Any ideas on how I can comfort her into playing?
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#21 May 01 2010 at 12:38 AM Rating: Decent
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You shouldn't force other people to play a game. The joy should come from within.
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#22 May 01 2010 at 7:00 AM Rating: Decent
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Just tell her Perez Hilton plays. She'll be on in no time.

All women are strong and beautiful and deserve our respect. They absolutely do not have any interest in trashy celebrity gossip websites.

Edited, May 6th 2010 8:30am by Callipho
#23 May 01 2010 at 9:18 AM Rating: Good
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flukedrk the Shady wrote:
I'm still trying to find a way to equate Fable 2 to FFXIV for my fiancee. She loved that game, but she doesn't want to go online to where she might ***** something up while other people are around. I'm hoping I can convince her that I will be there to guide her, but she just scowls at me.

If only it were coming out for 360 :( So in order to even think about getting her to play I have to either build her a pc or buy her a ps3 on top of the pc I am piecing together. =\

Any ideas on how I can comfort her into playing?



Just don't rush her and perhaps bring her to the ffxi forums so she can she how helpful the community can be. Also, try to explain that everyone is going to be new in this game. Everything is different, there will be a learning curve. We won't get better without making mistakes.

Maybe she can sign up on Zam and start interacting with the community a little so she won't feel so nervous about jumping in head first.
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#24 May 01 2010 at 10:19 AM Rating: Decent
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If I were you, FlukeDrk, I would just start the game first myself, then already at the character creation screen tell her that you can't pick what to look like (too many sweet options) and maybe she wants to help pick out stuff for you. Then you go around finding "cute" spots in the game (you know stuff she'll like) and start fussing about something to get her attention/help again. Just focus on the stuff that will get her hooked and avoid the rest. Eventually she'll want to play herself.

Quote:
Maybe she can sign up on Zam and start interacting with the community a little so she won't feel so nervous about jumping in head first.


People can be mean here on the forums...

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#25 May 01 2010 at 10:41 AM Rating: Good
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RedGalka wrote:
If I were you, FlukeDrk, I would just start the game first myself, then already at the character creation screen tell her that you can't pick what to look like (too many sweet options) and maybe she wants to help pick out stuff for you. Then you go around finding "cute" spots in the game (you know stuff she'll like) and start fussing about something to get her attention/help again. Just focus on the stuff that will get her hooked and avoid the rest. Eventually she'll want to play herself.

Quote:
Maybe she can sign up on Zam and start interacting with the community a little so she won't feel so nervous about jumping in head first.


People can be mean here on the forums...




Well, lets not assume she needs to see cuteness to like something. Not all women are delicate flowers that need to be held by the hand lol. Perhaps she is just nervous about the interaction as it's not something she has experienced. I mean, Fable 2 was full of hilarity and crudeness. I think it's safe to say she has a backbone.

As to this community having the ability to be mean, sure. So does everything we encounter in life. That doesn't mean the truly helpful side to this community can't be shown. Case in point, the job-help threads in the FFXI section. There are a plethora of members willing to drop what they are doing to give advice, lead runs in-game or simply be a friend.

Despite some of the rather unsavory people that sometimes troll this place, I really think the kindness of strangers in this community has not been overshadowed.
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#26 May 01 2010 at 11:40 AM Rating: Decent
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What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't try to "fix" her in order to win her over to play the game, but focus on the stuff she does like.

I did not say that Zam is full of mean people, far from it, but when she would be trying to socialize here, there will be a risk for unpleasant encounters, which could be counterproductive.
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#27 May 01 2010 at 11:52 AM Rating: Good
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My wife wanted to start playing FFXI with me after I was on for about a year " to see why your always on all night"
She got hooked herself. Her main hesitation was messing up in a party with people she didn't know if they were depending on her.
As time went by she became a very good low level WHM. However, she saw the addiction bug creeping up on her. Eventually controlling her own game time led her to quit.

She's said she'll consider playing XIV if it really is more casual friendly. She'd like to be able to log on for an hour at night and get anything done. As opposed to FFXI where you needed almost an hour to get a group together.

To the OP, good luck in-game, good luck in Cali, and good luck with getting her hooked!
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#28 May 01 2010 at 4:48 PM Rating: Decent
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Why the **** would you not want to move to CA? I mean outside of high living costs (which if your GF is serious about moving there it should be something she has considered and worked a remedy for) you get a liberal government and bud will be legalized this November. Fun in the sun, great wine, rich and liberal lifestyle... I'd kill to move to CA.
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#29 May 02 2010 at 9:59 PM Rating: Decent
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I am not a fan of CA ethier. So I can understand that. I prefer the Gulf. I will also be starting FFXIV with my gf though an shes mostly played Sims games an Kingdom Hearts. She has played old school games as well though like lunar. I hope she will beable to get into it though i think her main thing that keeps her away is shes not a big people person. People tend to aggrivate an bother her completely so i think shes afraid she will meet a bunch of idiots.
#30 May 04 2010 at 12:19 AM Rating: Excellent
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OP, my wife and I originally met through playing ffxi (we were playing in different countries for years before we met in real life), so our situation is slightly different from yours. The biggest challenge for us was in reverse - how to get along in real life as opposed to our gaming experiences together!

I think you should first focus on your relationship with your partner. Once you both settle down into every day life, you can then negotiate on your gaming plans.

Best of luck with the move, it takes a lot to make things work but it will be worth it.
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#31 May 04 2010 at 1:37 AM Rating: Decent
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insanekangaroo wrote:
You shouldn't force other people to play a game. The joy should come from within.


Wait, wait, wait, wait...



Video games are supposed to be fun?
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#32 May 04 2010 at 7:04 PM Rating: Good
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Wait, wait, wait, wait...



Video games are supposed to be fun?


Uh duh! Winning is fun. When you pwn others it's fun. Showing everyone how much better than them you are is fun. What part of this don't you get?


Please hold while I mop up the sarcasm that's dripped all over the floor.
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#33 May 05 2010 at 5:26 PM Rating: Good
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Again, I would just like to thank everyone for their support and information! I was a little cautious to post this thread initially for fear of not really getting an answer and just being flamed but I have just been reminded how awesome the FFXI and future FFXIV is and will be.

And as for California? Well, I'm just not used to living in a place with that many towns in such a short distance from eachother but I plan on makng the best of it.

Again, thanks everyone!
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#34 May 05 2010 at 5:47 PM Rating: Decent
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I think Ryneguy put it best when he said to conform to her schedule. Spend most of your time doing what she likes, then inject things you would like to do to help fill gaps when she is undecided. Actively think about how you can make her playtime more enjoyable. Level jobs that compliment each other (e.g. - If she wants to level a tanking job, you level a healing one). Pay attention to what she takes interest in and foster that. If she is a crafter, help her collect her materials, etc.

I'm not sure how into video games/MMOs your g/f is, but if she is anything like some of the other girls that I know who played games like this, boredom = log off and get into something else.
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#35 May 05 2010 at 7:18 PM Rating: Good
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It's funny that you should use those jobs as an example. When my wife started playing FFXI she wanted to use a healing job, so to make life easier (even though I hated the job) I started to use a Paladin. We had a lot of fun. It took her a little while to be secure enough about her skill to want to really party as apposed to just duo-ing with me. But she sure did become a good healer.
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