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Maintaining your relationshipFollow

#1 May 07 2010 at 7:56 PM Rating: Good
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Well FFXIV is coming out in a few months, and for most of us that is going to mean a serious reallocation of our time. For those of you like myself, who are coupled with a "non-gamer", are their any strategies that you are going to employ while wrapping yourself completely up in FFXIV? I am by no means what you would call a "casual gamer". Sure I can play console games casually, but this is not the case when it comes to an MMO. Up until this point my fiance has had the great fortune to have not meant me while I was wrapped up in one.


Anyway, for those of you that are with a SO that does not play, what strategies do you use to find time to play and not neglect your relationship?
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#2 May 07 2010 at 8:02 PM Rating: Good
InuyashaaSama wrote:
Well FFXIV is coming out in a few months, and for most of us that is going to mean a serious reallocation of our time. For those of you like myself, who are coupled with a "non-gamer", are their any strategies that you are going to employ while wrapping yourself completely up in FFXIV? I am by no means what you would call a "casual gamer". Sure I can play console games casually, but this is not the case when it comes to an MMO. Up until this point my fiance has had the great fortune to have not meant me while I was wrapped up in one.


Anyway, for those of you that are with a SO that does not play, what strategies do you use to find time to play and not neglect your relationship?


As will all things in a relationship, communicate. And demonstrate through your behavior (and not just your words) that she's the priority, not the game. If there's stuff that needs doing around the house, do that first. If she's talking about a social outting to visit friends/family, go with her. Make a point of going out of your way to demonstrate to her that she's important and that you haven't forgotten her for the sake of an MMO and try not to assume she's going to be happy about the idea of you spending an entire weekend plunked in front of the PC/TV grinding away at FFXIV. (If she is, bonus points for you, but don't count on it).
#3 May 07 2010 at 8:11 PM Rating: Good
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Solid advice. I am also thinking of ways to maximize the time I usually have to myself. I am an early morning person, while she is not. This usually give me a bit of time free in the mornings. Now I am working in Asia, so if I wake up a bit earlier each day it will be easy for me to play a few hours during prime time in NA before heading off to work. It's all about balance I suppose, although I have never been much a fan of moderation = p
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#4 May 07 2010 at 8:18 PM Rating: Excellent
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Just because the game is available to you doesn't mean it will necessitate you shifting around significant portions of your time. If you can play the game in your leisure, then do so, but if you think that the game will represent too great a temptation (such that will affect other areas of your life) then perhaps it's best left alone. This is all just entertainment with varying degrees of social interaction, it never needs to become a lifestyle.

There's always assimilation too, MMOs can be great gateway games. They tend not to have stories that depend on several prequel games, they don't tend to throw you right into the thick of action (the learning curve is more generous and depends on what you want out of the game itself) and they contain a social aspect which alleviates some people's preconceived notions about the solitary life of video gamers.
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#5 May 07 2010 at 8:18 PM Rating: Good
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My wife and I find that dedicating certain time together make things work pretty well. For example, take one weekday, and one weekend day off to spend with her, and plan things on those days. On the other days, let her know you'd like some 'me' time to do some gaming.

And like Aurelius says, make sure she knows she's the priority. On the flip side though, it's important to let her know that you value your 'me' time, and expect her to honor your agreement to spend that time as you see fit.

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#6 May 07 2010 at 8:42 PM Rating: Good
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Leb, I think you have a great idea as well. I think that is important for any relationship. People need the time to do the things they enjoy, not everything is going to be an exact match in a relationship. I will definitely be sure to schedule some days each week to spend with only her. Then we can both have the other times to do activities that may only be of interest to ourselves.
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#7 May 07 2010 at 8:49 PM Rating: Good
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I'm glad you think it will work out for you :)

Just keep in mind it only works if you really stick to your guns. If you say you're going to take a certain day off to spend with her, make sure you do.... Trust me lol
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#8 May 07 2010 at 11:20 PM Rating: Excellent
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Maintaining your relationship is done by placing priority on your real life over your virtual one. The game will never grow impatient waiting for you, and your social obligations to an MMO should never come before the ones you have with your significant other. We make time for what we want to do, and if you are making more time to play a game than spend with your partner, then it is clear what is more important to you, and it will not go unnoticed I assure you.

I expect FFXIV will be the end of many partnerships in the same manner FFXI and other MMO's have been. It's just how it goes with these things.
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#9 May 07 2010 at 11:42 PM Rating: Good
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Skimming over what has been said already I find the best way to show someone that they are the priority is to act immediately upon their needs/wants/whatever. Don't say, "just a minute, I'm in the middle of something." Stop playing and do whatever it is even if you are in the middle of a raid or something. People who don't play games have no concept of the fact that there are some times in a game where if don't give it complete attention you will suffer and they never will understand (people who played games as a kid are used to the fact that you can pause and wont understand that a game doesn't have pause)...if you delay a response because of the game it's certain doom.
#11 May 08 2010 at 2:23 AM Rating: Good
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Communication is definitely key. Make sure she knows about the game before it comes out and make sure she knows about your excitement for the game. Knowing that, she will surely understand you wanting to go a little nuts during the first week of release. All you have to remember is that your time in bliss is only temporary and that she is definitely priority.

A lot of great points have come up and it's all good advise. But I emphasize communication because it's probably the most important advise you will receive. Our significant others only want us to be happy.

Probably a close second is compromise. Like someone else said, if there are chores to be done, or social events, those must come first, even during your "time of bliss". Don't neglect real life over a video game.

The last bit of advise, that I think is new to this thread (I haven't read ALL the comments), is to make sure she has something to do that she enjoys while you are spending time on the game. I would urge you not to play while she is doing things she doesn't enjoy like school work. Or things that she will do just to pass the time, like Facebook (unless she really enjoys Facebook like some do) or sorting pictures. She must enjoy the time you spend on your game just as much as you do!

Sorry if I am assuming you're a man and your SO is a woman! It's just typical!

All in all, let her know about the game and talk to her about the game. Let her know how excited you are for the release and keep her up to date on things about it. Keep your life a priority over the game and make sure she is happily occupied while you are playing!
#12 May 08 2010 at 9:27 AM Rating: Good
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I've been on a happy compromise with my wife since I was playing FFXI.
Our typical night goes something like: Play with the kids, dinner, cleanup, watch TV and wind the kids down while they get ready for bed, put the kids to sleep, watch 1 or 2 shows we have saved on our DVR or a movie. My wife is normally ready to sleep by then. After that depending on the time, I'll then pick up the game for an hour or so. Then it's off to bed for me. Unless it's a weekend, if that's the case my wife would brew me her delicious blend of iced coffee, and she always has grapes (my favorite snack) on hand if they're in season for my late night gaming, plus lots and lots of water.

I like playing late at night cause it won't interfere with anyone's day and vice versa. My wife doesn't feel like she's being shorted on our time together which keeps her (and therefore us) happy, and if we have anything we need to do or anyplace we need to go that may interfere with the routine... We handle it as it comes. Compromise is key, sometimes I realize I just can't play tonight. And for a while my wife even joined FFXI.

Like it was said a few times already. Communication is the key. Like most other things with your relationship, be honest with your intentions. If you treat your MMO addiction like a secret lover of course your partner isn't going to be happy that all you want to do is spend time with it.
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#13 May 08 2010 at 9:27 AM Rating: Good
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InuyashaaSama wrote:
Anyway, for those of you that are with a SO that does not play, what strategies do you use to find time to play and not neglect your relationship?

I usually play my MMOs when she's working, sleeping, or otherwise occupied (i.e. has her sister / a friend over). She's not much of a gamer, but I did get her to play the Wii. Now she regularly beats me at Mario Kart.
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#14 May 08 2010 at 9:58 AM Rating: Good
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If you spend the appropriate time letting her know how excited you are for that special day (When FFXIV comes out), she might even become excited herself for you being able to finally play it.

I do not tend to have any problems because I am extremely generous with my significant other, so going on a 3 day FFXIV induced cocaine binge seems quite trivial compared to their surprise 10 day vacation in the Caribbean. I still give ample warning though when I will disappear into the abyss of geekdom. I suspect that "Just to let you know, FFXIV is coming out this weekend" will do it.

What I will mention is that sometimes it is extremely difficult for a non-gamer to understand exactly why it is so important for you to neglect them for a few days. Its quite understandable actually. So again, if you invest a good deal of time explaining just how important FFXIV's opening day will be for you, she can sit there in awe with some understanding of how happy you are. The alternative is someone that is sitting there looking at your back wondering what it is on that screen that is so much better than them, or even for those with self-confidence issues, what is wrong with them.
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#15 May 08 2010 at 11:47 AM Rating: Decent
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I say slip her some Niquil then you can play all night and day..lol
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#16 May 08 2010 at 9:39 PM Rating: Decent
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wow this are some really great advice..yup RL way more Important then A VL.
#17 May 09 2010 at 8:31 AM Rating: Good
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I'm skeptical as to whether a girl relationship and a game relationship can happily occupy the same space. From the sound of it, the OP is pretty hardcore when it comes to MMOs. And from the sound of it, she hasn't known OP when he's been engrossed one. Now, it depends on how much time he's been spending with her. If she's used to getting all or most of his time, she's probably not going to like sharing it with FFXIV. She may tolerate it, but it will still probably bother her, which will lead to resentment and bigger problems down the road. I think you can get away with 1-2 hrs a day, maybe 3 on the weekends, but the statement "I am by no means a casual gamer" makes me think OP is in the 4+ hr a day category, and 6+ on the weekends.

Now, dude, if this girl is your fiance, and if you really want to marry her, the best strategy in my mind is DON'T PLAY FFXIV unless you can honestly limit yourself to 1-2 hrs a day. Its possible for some people, but honestly, you sound a lot like me. I played FFXI constantly, and I couldn't really help myself. I quit, and I don't play console games very much at all, but I know that if I pick up FFXIV, there is a good chance that I will get sucked in, just like XI. And that's just never good, for any part of your life, let alone a relationship. So if I were in your shoes, if I were being honest with myself, I would be looking at it like: FFXIV or fiance.
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#18 May 09 2010 at 10:43 PM Rating: Excellent
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Quote:
wrapping yourself completely up in FFXIV?


My advice is not to do that. Become a "casual gamer", be a hard core husband.
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#19 May 10 2010 at 11:41 AM Rating: Good
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Agreeing with the poster above me. If your girlfriend will be offended or upset by you becoming addicted to a game, or if it might lead to you not giving her enough attention, then don't become addicted to the game. You could possible designate like, Sundays as "FFXIV day" and that could be your day to go crazy and play until your tenth energy drink wears off. That way your LS/guild/whatev can make plans to do major events on Sunday. But even if you do that, stay flexible - if her birthday falls on a Sunday, take her out on Sunday and play on Saturday or not at all that weekend. Stop and imagine how mad you'll be at yourself if you lose the girl you want to marry over a video game.

Of course, ask if she'd be interested in trying the game out at all too! If she's not a gamer I doubt she'll ever get super hardcore into it, but I know lots of non-gamers who play MMOs casually because you can choose how much effort you put into it - especially one like FFXIV where there's a big emphasis on casual gameplay! Don't pressure her to play if she doesn't like it, but if you two could be online together (probably not necessarily at the same level, but on the same server) for some of the time she might be more understanding of you wanting to take some time to play more seriously. Also, it would probably be less frustrating to hear "sorry, I'm doing a dungeon with my LS" when she knows what those words mean.
#20 May 10 2010 at 6:34 PM Rating: Default
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I just bugged my wife till she finally agreed to try ffxi out. Now she plays more than I do. *shrug*
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#21 May 17 2010 at 4:00 PM Rating: Decent
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