Forum Settings
       
« Previous 1 2
This Forum is Read Only

If your GF/BF is not a gamer thread.Follow

#1 Aug 31 2010 at 9:18 AM Rating: Excellent
**
473 posts
Ok so here's the deal I need help and some might also.

I have a gf moving in with me this month, I love and would never ignore her. I do need some tactics to keep
her "distracted" for the release. She knows its coming but I would like some thoughts and ideas on what to do
for those few hours a night in the week and the sat or sun extended playtime.

This is corny I know, but I love the FF franchise and really wanted to get into the swing of things
when release happens. I do not however, want the gf feeling neglected in any shape or form.

:P

All advice is welcome :P and let's help each other to have fun and maximized release playtime :P
#2 Aug 31 2010 at 9:21 AM Rating: Excellent
*
133 posts
You could ask her to sneak out while you're sleeping to meet up with another man. That will definitely keep her distracted. I didn't even have to ask!

(***bitterness***)

- A Man Scorned

Edited, Aug 31st 2010 11:22am by Callipho
#3 Aug 31 2010 at 9:24 AM Rating: Good
Scholar
*
158 posts
Insomnia used to be the key to my success (live by day, play by night). But since becoming a father I've had to get my sleeping pattern in check somewhat...
#4 Aug 31 2010 at 9:27 AM Rating: Good
Scholar
**
656 posts
just play FFXIV bottomless, she will be distracted. :D
____________________________
モスタル


#5 Aug 31 2010 at 9:29 AM Rating: Good
Avatar
**
315 posts
sorry, there is no way. If she isn't a gamer (and often even if she is) she will feel neglected if anything except her is the focus of all your attention. She might not tell you, but she will hate "your stupid game" for stealing you away from her. Only way is to play when she isn't home or get her to start playing ;)

Edited, Aug 31st 2010 11:30am by GusMorgan
____________________________
FFXI 2003-2007: Elaron ~Phoenix
FFXIV 2010-> : Gus Morgan ~Wutai

#6 Aug 31 2010 at 9:30 AM Rating: Excellent
**
749 posts
You don't even have to worry about this one, SE already built it into the game to help you.

It's called fatigue. . . ;)
____________________________
http://www.rantmedia.ca/newsreal/
http://www.piratepartyradio.com


The Truth is a virus
#7 Aug 31 2010 at 9:32 AM Rating: Good
She has to have some of her own hobbies that don't involve you. Just schedule it so you are both doing your own things at the same time. You could also try to get her involved; let her watch, explain things to her, even let her play your character occasionally. If this just really isn't her thing, that's fine, as long as she understands that this is something you enjoy doing. It is incredibly important that you don't sacrifice what you enjoy doing just because she doesn't like it, but at the same time make sure that you aren't spending TOO much time on the computer. It's all about balance. Make sure she understands that this is something you're going to do, but it won't affect your time with her. Something tells me she'll be fine with having some time to herself occasionally.
____________________________
IRC: Kagutsuchi

FFXI:
Tolite
Formerly of Lakshmi, now in Asura

FFXIV:
Kagu Tsuchi
Ultros
#8 Aug 31 2010 at 9:39 AM Rating: Excellent
**
941 posts
Get her an online gift card or something to go shopping with.

Or tell her you got her something special and make her a REALLY LONG SCAVANGER hunt.

Like, really long.
#9Slapaho, Posted: Aug 31 2010 at 9:55 AM, Rating: Sub-Default, (Expand Post) When Call of Duty MW2 came out I dumped my girlfriend. That's not even the worse part. I didn't even tell her why and broke up with her via text lol.
#10 Aug 31 2010 at 10:02 AM Rating: Good
***
3,825 posts
I have to schedule "me days" with my wife. Otherwise I only get a few minutes here and there of gaming. A scheduled day though, she's not allowed to bother me at all :p In return she gets "her days", usually it ends up with us going some where overpriced for dinner, but occassionally I get lucky and she tells me to go to the bar for a few hours so she can relax without me around the house :)In the summer it's not too bad because I have an automotive hobby, but in the winter I'd be very happy sitting in the house all day long while not at work.
____________________________
FFXI:Sylph - Perrin 75 Hume THF; Retired (At least from my use any way)
EVE Online:ScraperX; Retired
WAR:IronClaw- Peryn SW;SkullThrone- Grymloc BO; Retired


#11 Aug 31 2010 at 10:04 AM Rating: Default
Avatar
**
421 posts
nah man dont risk it and dont ignore her for FFXIV but let her know how important the game and that u need to play it for 15hours/week lol (surplus =p? )


but whatever u do dont str8 up ignore her or your gaming rig ganna end up like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpSECSwW6D0
____________________________
<a href="http://www.enjin.com/" alt="guild hosting"><img src="http://sigs.enjin.com/sig-ffxiv/39704_48d6215903dff562.png"></a>
#12 Aug 31 2010 at 10:04 AM Rating: Good
I have the same issue. One of the things I'm doing is taking some time off work at release so that I can play during hours she is at work. I've also talked about it with her and she is cool with me spending some extra time on it during the beginning of release. That said we don't live together so it is a bit easier. Out of sight, out of mind, as they say.

I've been playing Civ.2 the last couple of days while she was over - and since we was making me dinner she was kept busy... and later on she surfed the net on my laptop while I played. Having two computers has really made it easier for me to do web stuff in general as she can play on the computer too.
____________________________
lolgaxe wrote:
When it comes to sitting around not doing anything for long periods of time, only being active for short windows, and marginal changes and sidegrades I'd say FFXI players were the perfect choice for politicians.


#13 Aug 31 2010 at 10:07 AM Rating: Excellent
*
61 posts
My BF has just come to terms with the fact that I will play video games for a certain amount of time. We watch a bit of TV - so our "us" time generally consists of watching whatever DVR programs we need to catch up on.
#14 Aug 31 2010 at 10:22 AM Rating: Good
***
1,457 posts
Speeral wrote:
Ok so here's the deal I need help and some might also.

I have a gf moving in with me this month, I love and would never ignore her. I do need some tactics to keep
her "distracted" for the release. She knows its coming but I would like some thoughts and ideas on what to do
for those few hours a night in the week and the sat or sun extended playtime.

This is corny I know, but I love the FF franchise and really wanted to get into the swing of things
when release happens. I do not however, want the gf feeling neglected in any shape or form.

:P

All advice is welcome :P and let's help each other to have fun and maximized release playtime :P


If you've been together long enough to decide on living together, I would hope that you've made your interests clear to her. My wife used to get irritated when I played games while she was around, but I've explained to her that this is what I have done my whole life. She knew it before we starting dating, before we got married, and nothing has changed. If playing video games for extended periods of time bothers your partner, your choice is to either be yourself and continue, or just stop all together. I chose the former and things are fine. I always make sure she considers all the other things I could be doing with my time such as out drinking, spending money, getting in trouble etc. When she met me I was drunk probably about 40% of my waking hours and acting the fool all the time. In my opinion hanging out at home and playing computer games is the least of her worries and something I've used to heal myself. If she doesn't understand that, I don't want to be with her.

It helps that I got her playing WoW. ;)
____________________________
Hunter Avril
Rogue Ultra
Paladin Awhellnah
Mage Shantotto
Shaman Lakshmi
Faith (Valefor)

#15 Aug 31 2010 at 10:24 AM Rating: Good
Scholar
**
256 posts
GusMorgan and Diamakaicho are the most accurate. As soon as she moves in with you, say good by to being even the lightest, harcore player you know. It won't happen. FFXIV will be the root of most of your arguments. Unless she has friends (which most girls dont, you know "i hate that b*tch" kind of stuff) you won't be able to play unless she is at work/school and thats assuming your work/school schedules dont over lap... which they probably do. Before I am sure you were able to make excuses over the phone when you were gaming. That isn't really possible now.

There really isn't anything anyone can really say because it's going to play out this way: she'll try to be tolarant at the beginning (doing her own thing, reading a book, internet, etc), but she will eventually become resentful towards the game and you. Those are just facts buddy. Good luck ;)


Kind of off topic: i dont understand the whole moving in thing. why would i want to move in with my g/f before we're married... to feel like i'm married? it just creates a bunch of complicated issues especially if we break up. Yeah i know, she already practically lives with me but i kind of like the fact that I can sleep alone or do my own thing from time to time at my house. Don't get me wrong though, its just whats the point of marriage if you're already moved in with each other and sharing food and rent and probably eventually finances? meh, might just be me.

Edited, Aug 31st 2010 11:28am by Raionn
____________________________
*Retired :: August 2002 - December 2005*
Raion
Ragnarok Server
Linkshells: DigitalBackSpin, DBSDynamis, CKofVD
PLD75-WAR45-RDM30-BLM30-WHM25-NIN25-THF25-RNG10-BST9
Goldsmith 85, Blacksmith 30
#16 Aug 31 2010 at 10:29 AM Rating: Good
47 posts
buy a few bags of grass, she'll be "destracted" for a month.
#17 Aug 31 2010 at 10:32 AM Rating: Decent
***
1,457 posts
Raionn wrote:
GusMorgan and Diamakaicho are the most accurate. As soon as she moves in with you, say good by to being even the lightest, harcore player you know. It won't happen. FFXIV will be the root of most of your arguments. Unless she has friends (which most girls dont, you know "i hate that b*tch" kind of stuff) you won't be able to play unless she is at work/school and thats assuming your work/school schedules dont over lap... which they probably do. Before I am sure you were able to make excuses over the phone when you were gaming. That isn't really possible now.

There really isn't anything anyone can really say because it's going to play out this way: she'll try to be tolarant at the beginning (doing her own thing, reading a book, internet, etc), but she will eventually become resentful towards the game and you. Those are just facts buddy. Good luck ;)


Kind of off topic: i dont understand the whole moving in thing. why would i want to move in with my g/f before we're married... to feel like i'm married? it just creates a bunch of complicated issues especially if we break up. Yeah i know, she already practically lives with me but i kind of like the fact that I can sleep alone or do my own thing from time to time at my house. Don't get me wrong though, its just whats the point of marriage if you're already moved in with each other and sharing food and rent and probably eventually finances? meh, might just be me.

Edited, Aug 31st 2010 11:28am by Raionn


^This.

My last relationship before my wife lasted 7 years. I lived with her for 3 of these. She fought and fought with me over my "hobby". It was ok with her to watch movies and tv ALL day on her days off, but doing something interactive like playing an MMO didn't fit into her comprehension.

Oh, and I broke up with her. Go figure.
____________________________
Hunter Avril
Rogue Ultra
Paladin Awhellnah
Mage Shantotto
Shaman Lakshmi
Faith (Valefor)

#18 Aug 31 2010 at 10:44 AM Rating: Good
Raionn wrote:
GusMorgan and Diamakaicho are the most accurate. As soon as she moves in with you, say good by to being even the lightest, harcore player you know. It won't happen. FFXIV will be the root of most of your arguments. Unless she has friends (which most girls dont, you know "i hate that b*tch" kind of stuff) you won't be able to play unless she is at work/school and thats assuming your work/school schedules dont over lap... which they probably do. Before I am sure you were able to make excuses over the phone when you were gaming. That isn't really possible now.

There really isn't anything anyone can really say because it's going to play out this way: she'll try to be tolarant at the beginning (doing her own thing, reading a book, internet, etc), but she will eventually become resentful towards the game and you. Those are just facts buddy. Good luck ;)


Kind of off topic: i dont understand the whole moving in thing. why would i want to move in with my g/f before we're married... to feel like i'm married? it just creates a bunch of complicated issues especially if we break up. Yeah i know, she already practically lives with me but i kind of like the fact that I can sleep alone or do my own thing from time to time at my house. Don't get me wrong though, its just whats the point of marriage if you're already moved in with each other and sharing food and rent and probably eventually finances? meh, might just be me.

Edited, Aug 31st 2010 11:28am by Raionn


^ this. The dynamic of your relationship completely changes once you co-habitate and if you are both not ready to accept that then don't bother. I lived with my ex for 4 years and the only thing I learned from that experience was that girlfriends are so much better when they go home in the morning.
#19 Aug 31 2010 at 10:50 AM Rating: Good
Raionn wrote:
Kind of off topic: i dont understand the whole moving in thing. why would i want to move in with my g/f before we're married... to feel like i'm married? it just creates a bunch of complicated issues especially if we break up. Yeah i know, she already practically lives with me but i kind of like the fact that I can sleep alone or do my own thing from time to time at my house. Don't get me wrong though, its just whats the point of marriage if you're already moved in with each other and sharing food and rent and probably eventually finances? meh, might just be me.


For me it's a dry run, to see how the transition will play out. Idk about anyone else, but I'd rather live together and make sure there's no early drama before going through all the **** of planning and paying for a wedding.
____________________________
Steam: Xavier1216
FFXI: Astyanax (Bismarck)


#20 Aug 31 2010 at 10:53 AM Rating: Default
*
147 posts
tbh you should tell her there's worse things out there you could be doing, drinking/gambling/playing football to name a few.

you could always try and get her into gaming?

my g/f of 14 years is into gaming its just shes into WOW =/ (i know lol)
#21 Aug 31 2010 at 10:55 AM Rating: Good
Scholar
*
118 posts
i sent my girlfriend off into the army :)she wont be around much to tell me i cant play :) oh now i made myself sad :(
#22 Aug 31 2010 at 11:04 AM Rating: Good
PLDXavier, Defender of Justice wrote:
Raionn wrote:
Kind of off topic: i dont understand the whole moving in thing. why would i want to move in with my g/f before we're married... to feel like i'm married? it just creates a bunch of complicated issues especially if we break up. Yeah i know, she already practically lives with me but i kind of like the fact that I can sleep alone or do my own thing from time to time at my house. Don't get me wrong though, its just whats the point of marriage if you're already moved in with each other and sharing food and rent and probably eventually finances? meh, might just be me.


For me it's a dry run, to see how the transition will play out. Idk about anyone else, but I'd rather live together and make sure there's no early drama before going through all the **** of planning and paying for a wedding.


there is this and the fact is we spend so much time together it just makes sense - plus then we can get a place that meets both of our needs. I'm not moving in with my gf right away but we already have it planned out for a few months from now. We will get married eventually too (as long as things keep being amazing) but it is pretty complicated and expensive to do so - so we are not going to worry about that in the short term.

As to people saying that you can't play games at all blah blah blah... I don't think it is reasonable to pretend that all people are the same. I know this happens a lot (I've seen it) but often both sides have some fault ...

Like if you play all day on valentines day and don't even eat the dinner your girlfriend makes for you and ignore her when she tries to show you her new lingerie... well then duh, no wonder she is going to hate the fact that you play video games. [EDIT I actually SAW this happen]

I don't think that it will be a problem with my gf and I because we talked about it a lot before I even bought the computer... FACT - she even lent me the money up front to get my rig ahead of time so I could play in beta.

So, just cause you had a negative experience doesn't mean everyone will.

Edited, Aug 31st 2010 10:09am by Olorinus
____________________________
lolgaxe wrote:
When it comes to sitting around not doing anything for long periods of time, only being active for short windows, and marginal changes and sidegrades I'd say FFXI players were the perfect choice for politicians.


#23 Aug 31 2010 at 11:05 AM Rating: Excellent
Quote:
my g/f of 14 years is into gaming its just shes into WOW =/ (i know lol)


Dude...Smiley: disappointed
#24 Aug 31 2010 at 11:07 AM Rating: Default
Scholar
**
300 posts
Don't move in together could solve that? lol

Edited, Aug 31st 2010 12:16pm by Slapaho
#25 Aug 31 2010 at 11:10 AM Rating: Good
**
275 posts
As a female, my advice would be: make an agreement with her well ahead of time. Don't just sit down for that first weekend, 10 hours a day, and THEN explain yourself. It shows a lot of respect/consideration if you sit down and "ask her if it's alright with her," even if your intent behind the words is "I'm planning on doing this, how can we make it work?" The more you make it sound like you've already made a concrete decision, the more likely she is to think that you're choosing it over her. Then, I'd say make some kind of deal where you agree to do something SHE wants in exchange.

Still, I'm very grateful that my boyfriend is a gamer (and not just because I'm a gamer myself and it makes it simpler), especially considering our relationship is long-distance. It gives us something to do together, and it also means that he's "self-sufficient" as far as keeping himself amused. He doesn't have to feel constantly bored or lonely, because he has just about all the entertainment he needs right at home. As selfish as it sounds, it's a comforting thought when the alternative could be going out to clubs or drinking or whatever. I'm glad that he can be perfectly content on his own when I can't be there with him. Really takes a lot of stress off the relationship.
____________________________

#26 Aug 31 2010 at 11:14 AM Rating: Good
*
56 posts
I'm a firm believer in having your own life. If your girl can't find something to do with herself for a few hours a day, she should take some "me" time to figure out what she likes to do. My boyfriend has been told he will be somewhat neglected for the first few months after release. He told me a new wrestling game comes out the next month so, ditto. Even if he wasn't a casual gamer, he has plenty of conspiracy forums and bad scifi channel movies to watch and leave me alone for a bit.
Can't she give herself a mani/pedi? Or read a book? I just can't understand being up my bf's *** so much he can't play a game for a few hours a day. I got stuff to do.
#27 Aug 31 2010 at 11:15 AM Rating: Good
Sage
**
550 posts
Start TIVO'ing a BUNCH of "Secret life of the American Teenager", "Say Yes to the Dress", "American Idol", "What Not to Wear" and other such nonsense. Buy her seasons of *** In the City, Dawson's Creek, Smallville and other crap on DVD. You've got to keep her entertained for hours.
____________________________
XI - Draiden 75DRG/75COR (Sylph, Retired 08)


#28 Aug 31 2010 at 11:17 AM Rating: Decent
Scholar
**
300 posts
Quote:
As a female, my advice would be: make an agreement with her well ahead of time. Don't just sit down for that first weekend, 10 hours a day, and THEN explain yourself. It shows a lot of respect/consideration if you sit down and "ask her if it's alright with her," even if your intent behind the words is "I'm planning on doing this, how can we make it work?" The more you make it sound like you've already made a concrete decision, the more likely she is to think that you're choosing it over her. Then, I'd say make some kind of deal where you agree to do something SHE wants in exchange.

Still, I'm very grateful that my boyfriend is a gamer (and not just because I'm a gamer myself and it makes it simpler), especially considering our relationship is long-distance. It gives us something to do together, and it also means that he's "self-sufficient" as far as keeping himself amused. He doesn't have to feel constantly bored or lonely, because he has just about all the entertainment he needs right at home. As selfish as it sounds, it's a comforting thought when the alternative could be going out to clubs or drinking or whatever. I'm glad that he can be perfectly content on his own when I can't be there with him. Really takes a lot of stress off the relationship.


Why can't I find a chick like this? LoL
#29 Aug 31 2010 at 11:22 AM Rating: Good
Slapaho wrote:
Well isn't that why people move in together? A false sense of marriage? I think to solve your whole problem is: Don't let her move in with you. The excuses of "I need to sleep with her to know if she is good in bed" or "to know if there would be any drama in marriage" for moving in together is kinda lame. Those excuses make a very conditional relationship. Both parties know it and that's why most marriages don't work out afterward when they are actually married. What's the percentage? Like 80% of people that live together before marriage eventually get a divorce?
Your preaching has been brought to you today by....
People like you!

Edited, Aug 31st 2010 12:09pm by Slapaho


Dude you just made that statistic up.

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_028.pdf

Quote:
In Table 16, as in the 1995 NSFG data (4), the probability that a woman’s marriage would last at least 10 years was lower for those who cohabited before marriage (60%) than for those who did not cohabit before marriage (66%). However, in the 2002 data, the difference was not statistically significant at the 5% level (p = 0.06). If the couple were engaged when they began cohabiting, the probability that a woman’s marriage would survive for 10 years was similar (65%) to the probability for couples who did not cohabit at all (66%).


We are both women and we aren't cohabiting yet - but will before marriage (which we are already pretty committed to)... so frankly I'm not particularly worried about it.
____________________________
lolgaxe wrote:
When it comes to sitting around not doing anything for long periods of time, only being active for short windows, and marginal changes and sidegrades I'd say FFXI players were the perfect choice for politicians.


#30 Aug 31 2010 at 11:26 AM Rating: Decent
Kaelia88 wrote:
As a female, my advice would be: make an agreement with her well ahead of time. Don't just sit down for that first weekend, 10 hours a day, and THEN explain yourself. It shows a lot of respect/consideration if you sit down and "ask her if it's alright with her," even if your intent behind the words is "I'm planning on doing this, how can we make it work?" The more you make it sound like you've already made a concrete decision, the more likely she is to think that you're choosing it over her. Then, I'd say make some kind of deal where you agree to do something SHE wants in exchange.



This is what I did with my girlfriend and we are all good. She's taking a college course and flute lessons and going to the gym. I'm playing video games. Good God I'm a lucky *******.
____________________________
lolgaxe wrote:
When it comes to sitting around not doing anything for long periods of time, only being active for short windows, and marginal changes and sidegrades I'd say FFXI players were the perfect choice for politicians.


#31 Aug 31 2010 at 11:26 AM Rating: Excellent
Slapaho wrote:
Quote:
As a female, my advice would be: make an agreement with her well ahead of time. Don't just sit down for that first weekend, 10 hours a day, and THEN explain yourself. It shows a lot of respect/consideration if you sit down and "ask her if it's alright with her," even if your intent behind the words is "I'm planning on doing this, how can we make it work?" The more you make it sound like you've already made a concrete decision, the more likely she is to think that you're choosing it over her. Then, I'd say make some kind of deal where you agree to do something SHE wants in exchange.

Still, I'm very grateful that my boyfriend is a gamer (and not just because I'm a gamer myself and it makes it simpler), especially considering our relationship is long-distance. It gives us something to do together, and it also means that he's "self-sufficient" as far as keeping himself amused. He doesn't have to feel constantly bored or lonely, because he has just about all the entertainment he needs right at home. As selfish as it sounds, it's a comforting thought when the alternative could be going out to clubs or drinking or whatever. I'm glad that he can be perfectly content on his own when I can't be there with him. Really takes a lot of stress off the relationship.


Why can't I find a chick like this? LoL


Because the guys that want girls like this tend to be a smart bunch and put them on long term lock down asap. I know 8 or 9 cute gamer/comic book/sci fi nerd girls that have all been with their man 7+ years.
#32 Aug 31 2010 at 11:26 AM Rating: Good
***
1,636 posts
No couple should spend 100% of their time together, even if they live together. You're just going to have to find whatever balance works for you both.
____________________________


#33 Aug 31 2010 at 11:26 AM Rating: Decent
Scholar
41 posts
Well, I wouldn't really label my GF a "gamer" for some reason, but she does like to play some games if they're fun (I know that doesn't make much sense, since gamers typically play games that are appealing to them). Recently, we've been playing that Lara Croft xb360 game together. Sometimes she'd rather watch me play only, saying she doesn't mind if it's interesting (but not for too long). Back when I used to play Aion (ugh), she would find some enjoyment in just moving my character around or doing simple grinds with a fixed skill routine. I think I'm going to let her level up one of my classes/roles in FFXIV once fatigue starts to develop. She'd probably like that I hope, hehehe.
Perhaps yours would find some sort of interest in a certain aspect of the game?
____________________________
SA.
YO.
NA.
RA.
#34 Aug 31 2010 at 11:33 AM Rating: Decent
Scholar
**
656 posts
Slapaho wrote:
Quote:
As a female, my advice would be: make an agreement with her well ahead of time. Don't just sit down for that first weekend, 10 hours a day, and THEN explain yourself. It shows a lot of respect/consideration if you sit down and "ask her if it's alright with her," even if your intent behind the words is "I'm planning on doing this, how can we make it work?" The more you make it sound like you've already made a concrete decision, the more likely she is to think that you're choosing it over her. Then, I'd say make some kind of deal where you agree to do something SHE wants in exchange.

Still, I'm very grateful that my boyfriend is a gamer (and not just because I'm a gamer myself and it makes it simpler), especially considering our relationship is long-distance. It gives us something to do together, and it also means that he's "self-sufficient" as far as keeping himself amused. He doesn't have to feel constantly bored or lonely, because he has just about all the entertainment he needs right at home. As selfish as it sounds, it's a comforting thought when the alternative could be going out to clubs or drinking or whatever. I'm glad that he can be perfectly content on his own when I can't be there with him. Really takes a lot of stress off the relationship.


Why can't I find a chick like this? LoL


was that your pick up line?
____________________________
モスタル


#35 Aug 31 2010 at 11:36 AM Rating: Decent
Scholar
**
256 posts
Grand Master Scribe Olorinus wrote:

As to people saying that you can't play games at all blah blah blah... I don't think it is reasonable to pretend that all people are the same. I know this happens a lot (I've seen it) but often both sides have some fault ...

Like if you play all day on valentines day and don't even eat the dinner your girlfriend makes for you and ignore her when she tries to show you her new lingerie... well then duh, no wonder she is going to hate the fact that you play video games. [EDIT I actually SAW this happen]

[...]So, just cause you had a negative experience doesn't mean everyone will.

Your absolutely correct in saying not every chick is the same... but a lot are. And the sound of the OP and the fact that he's asking, his g/f seems of the variety that hate games, doesn't understand them, and that needs attention. I could be wrong, it just seems that way. I will admit though, that is how my g/f is so may be biased. On that same note though, I am a very casual gamer except when it comes to MMOs (XI was the only one I've played though) so we don't get into too many fights about games... except when I was playing XI and thats actually why I ultimately quit. Here's to XIV going differently! lol

But my point in my post above was more of there really isn't a distraction for your g/f. If she thinks he's playing ffxiv too much... then its going to cause problems.
____________________________
*Retired :: August 2002 - December 2005*
Raion
Ragnarok Server
Linkshells: DigitalBackSpin, DBSDynamis, CKofVD
PLD75-WAR45-RDM30-BLM30-WHM25-NIN25-THF25-RNG10-BST9
Goldsmith 85, Blacksmith 30
#36 Aug 31 2010 at 11:59 AM Rating: Decent
**
577 posts
PLDXavier, Defender of Justice wrote:
Raionn wrote:
Kind of off topic: i dont understand the whole moving in thing. why would i want to move in with my g/f before we're married... to feel like i'm married? it just creates a bunch of complicated issues especially if we break up. Yeah i know, she already practically lives with me but i kind of like the fact that I can sleep alone or do my own thing from time to time at my house. Don't get me wrong though, its just whats the point of marriage if you're already moved in with each other and sharing food and rent and probably eventually finances? meh, might just be me.


For me it's a dry run, to see how the transition will play out. Idk about anyone else, but I'd rather live together and make sure there's no early drama before going through all the **** of planning and paying for a wedding.


I read a study recently regarding the success of marriages when people live together first vs. not living together. The divorce/separation rate was significantly higher in people who'd lived together before getting married. The researchers stated that because living together makes breaking up harder (it takes more time because you have to move out, financially it's harder because you have to buy new stuff because a lot of it is shared, etc) couples tend to be less inclined to break up when things turn bad, and end up getting married because they see it as the "next step," even if things aren't really working out well. I think the real moral of the story is, if you do move in together, don't get in a situation where breaking up becomes near-impossible.

As for the OP's question, what has worked for some of my friends who played FFXI:

1. Don't lie or hide the fact that you're playing, and don't "zone in" on the game so much that you're ignoring her. If she asks you to stop, don't say "give me 30 minutes." Log out. The reason people don't like their significant others playing video games is typically not that they're opposed to the game itself, but rather that they feel like they are being ignored. You don't want her to feel like the game is more important to you than she is, whether or not that is true (if it is, you have some serious issues with video game addiction or your relationship. Either way, playing FFXIV isn't going to solve them.)

2. Get her involved. Find fun minigames or things that she'll like (i.e., not grinding) and show her why the game is fun. Compromise, e.g., "I'll buy you the first season of Glee and watch it with you, then you try playing FFXI with me for a week or two."

3. Schedule time for yourself, and for hanging out with your friends. Again, be willing to compromise, e.g., "we'll have date night every Tuesday, and every Wednesday we'll have a night to focus on our interests that don't include each other." Ask her what she sees as an acceptable compromise. If you both agree, but she still complains and pulls you away, try to set it up so she's got something going on while you're playing. Anything from getting her into a TV show that she'll like and you won't (my GF likes Glee, for example, while I... don't), to taking dance lessons, or having a girls' night out on the night that you've set aside. Alternatively, go over to a friend's house to play on that night. If she still keeps breaking your agreement, or if you can't set her up to do something else, you may need to be firm and remind her that you've agreed to the arrangement.

My friend used to do this, and it worked great. He set up a night with us, called it "guys' night" and we'd all get together and nerd out. Calling it "guy's night" is better than "FFXIV night," especially if she's already decided she doesn't like the game.

4. If you can't swing one of these things with her, you need to seriously consider the balance of power in your relationship, and how you can fix it. Relationships where one person has all the power are generally not healthy. To be clear, I'm not saying break up with her over a game, but be willing to have a serious discussion.

5. If your relationship is really good but the game is her one issue, then you're just screwed. Don't bother preordering :P

Edited, Aug 31st 2010 2:05pm by khorbin
____________________________
"So farewell hope, and with hope farewell fear,
Farewell remorse; all good to me is lost.
Evil, be thou my good."
-John Milton, Paradise Lost

Download Eorzea Clock for your android phone! Available FREE on the Android Market now!
#37 Aug 31 2010 at 12:06 PM Rating: Good
***
1,446 posts
Just get a gaming laptop, that way even when you're playing you can still be near her. This works well during those down times when you're just watching TV, even if she isn't doing anything exciting she'll be way more mad if you're not in the same room doing nothing with her than if you were.

I know this works well, it saved my relationship.
____________________________
Kyansaroo - Kujata
Windurst Rank 10
Tarutaru
BLM 75 / WHM 75 / BST 75 / RDM 75 / BRD 75
Next to 75: COR 47 / SCH 58
RotZ: Complete
CoP: Complete
ToAU: In-Progress
WoTG: In-Progress
#38 Aug 31 2010 at 12:10 PM Rating: Good
Raionn wrote:

I will admit though, that is how my g/f is so may be biased. On that same note though, I am a very casual gamer except when it comes to MMOs (XI was the only one I've played though) so we don't get into too many fights about games... except when I was playing XI and thats actually why I ultimately quit. Here's to XIV going differently! lol

But my point in my post above was more of there really isn't a distraction for your g/f. If she thinks he's playing ffxiv too much... then its going to cause problems.


Yeah my last serious gf hated when I played any video games at all so I understand.

Anyway. Good luck everyone!

Edited, Aug 31st 2010 11:10am by Olorinus
____________________________
lolgaxe wrote:
When it comes to sitting around not doing anything for long periods of time, only being active for short windows, and marginal changes and sidegrades I'd say FFXI players were the perfect choice for politicians.


#39 Aug 31 2010 at 12:11 PM Rating: Good
khorbin wrote:


I read a study recently regarding the success of marriages when people live together first vs. not living together. The divorce/separation rate was significantly higher in people who'd lived together before getting married. The researchers stated that because living together makes breaking up harder (it takes more time because you have to move out, financially it's harder because you have to buy new stuff because a lot of it is shared, etc) couples tend to be less inclined to break up when things turn bad, and end up getting married because they see it as the "next step," even if things aren't really working out well. I think the real moral of the story is, if you do move in together, don't get in a situation where breaking up becomes near-impossible.


huh I just posted a study which said that the difference in divorce rates was not statistically significant.
____________________________
lolgaxe wrote:
When it comes to sitting around not doing anything for long periods of time, only being active for short windows, and marginal changes and sidegrades I'd say FFXI players were the perfect choice for politicians.


#40 Aug 31 2010 at 12:17 PM Rating: Good
Sage
**
770 posts
You got it right with "heres the deal". Comprimize. Every couple needs time apart from eachother once in a while. Have time set aside for just u. Also have time set aside for u and her! Otherwise well, there is no otherwise lol. Been in a few relationships with non gamers and im in one now too, when u get to the part of the relationship where u move in together, if u want to make it work, u make deals to have some free time to yourself. She will need time to herself too unless shes clingy lol. But she still would probably be willing to give u game time :p. Because im assuming she wants to make it work too. Takes 2 to tango.
____________________________
I do not suffer from insanity.. I rather enjoy it.

{retired} Devalynn Mithra WHM extrodinare -Garuda (gives everyone a high paw! yeah!)

Church OF Mikhalia
#41 Aug 31 2010 at 12:25 PM Rating: Good
**
562 posts
Quote:
My BF has just come to terms with the fact that I will play video games for a certain amount of time. We watch a bit of TV - so our "us" time generally consists of watching whatever DVR programs we need to catch up on.


Same thing with my wife and I. She tried FFXI for a little bit. She enjoyed it, but it just wasn't her thing. Being a husband and a father getting any serious game time in means giving up something else. In my case it's sleep. My kids are asleep by 10 at the latest and I'll watch some DVRed shows with my wife. Normally around midnight she either knocks out on one of the couches or goes to bed. On a week day night I'll turn the game on for about an hour before I go to bed myself, on the weekend with no work the next day, I'll stay awake and play for a good long time. I'm sure I'm not the only one to say "Where's that light is coming from? Oh that's the sun, guess I played through the night... again."

Quote:
tbh you should tell her there's worse things out there you could be doing, drinking/gambling/playing football to name a few.

This is exactly how my wife sees my gaming. Sure I stay awake and play video games and chat with my friends over the head set, but I don't do any drugs, don't care for strip clubs, and barely drink. If she needs me for anything I'm 3 rooms away. She's always said she is more than happy to "suffer" through me playing the new FF MMO. I'm lucky, we just work.
____________________________
The more I train, the harder I get. The harder I get, the more lethal I am. The more lethal I am, the fewer opponents. The fewer opponents, the less to lose. The less to lose, the more I let up. The more I let up, the more room for mistakes. The more room for mistakes, the more I train.

#42 Aug 31 2010 at 12:26 PM Rating: Decent
Scholar
**
300 posts
Quote:
was that your pick up line?


Giggity. Yes.
#43 Aug 31 2010 at 12:29 PM Rating: Good
My wife doesn't mind me playing, she just starts to mind it if I'm on everyday for 8 hours straight. Which to me, is completely understandable. If you're only playing for 2-3 hours a night a few days a week, there really should be no issue. If there is an issue, then you need to reconsider the relationship cause this is a hobby, and if she can't accept that, there's a problem.

Also, little off topic, but people taking vacation at work for an MMO launch? ****, I wish I had nothing else to do with my vacation to use it up on video games, hah.
____________________________

#44 Aug 31 2010 at 12:30 PM Rating: Good
MMO + Girlfriend? Doesn't work that way. You can't have both :D
#45 Aug 31 2010 at 12:32 PM Rating: Default
Scholar
**
300 posts
Quote:
MMO + Girlfriend? Doesn't work that way. You can't have both :D


That's kinda like good looks and brains? lol
#46 Aug 31 2010 at 12:33 PM Rating: Good
Montsegurnephcreep wrote:


Also, little off topic, but people taking vacation at work for an MMO launch? ****, I wish I had nothing else to do with my vacation to use it up on video games, hah.


I don't know about other people but I get about 7 weeks a year give or take a few days. So I've already gone on two trips, and have enough left over for launch... a special birthday date long weekend and another gaming week in November.

Plus two days to spare... just for whenever.
____________________________
lolgaxe wrote:
When it comes to sitting around not doing anything for long periods of time, only being active for short windows, and marginal changes and sidegrades I'd say FFXI players were the perfect choice for politicians.


#47 Aug 31 2010 at 12:34 PM Rating: Default
Scholar
****
9,997 posts
My girlfriend is a gamer.

Nanny nanny boo boo, stick your face in doo doo.
____________________________
Hyrist wrote:
Ok, now we're going to get slash fiction of Wint x Kachi somehere... rule 34 and all...

Never confuse your inference as the listener for an implication of the speaker.

Good games are subjective like good food is subjective. You're not going to seriously tell me that there's not a psychological basis for why pizza is great and lutefisk is revolting. The thing about subjectivity is that, as subjects go, humans actually have a great deal in common.
#48 Aug 31 2010 at 12:35 PM Rating: Good
Ya, I get 20 days, but I work 12 hour shifts, so it uses it up quite fast. 7 weeks eh? That'd be **** nice to have.
____________________________

#49 Aug 31 2010 at 12:37 PM Rating: Excellent
**
409 posts
I have to say I agree, having your own hobbies/interests independent of your spouse is CRUCIAL to the long term success of any relationship. It's nice to spend time together but you also need time to yourself once in a while.

That being said, there are a few very simple things you can do to make sure she doesn't feel neglected.

1.) Do NOT jump on the game first thing when you wake up, take an hour or two to spend some time with her. It could be just talking or watching TV, or even just holding each other for a few minutes before you get out of bed.

2.) Make sure that the time you do put aside for her isn't always about ***. Make sure there's some cuddling mixed in there.

3.) Do not eat at the computer. Take the time to get up and eat at the table (or on the couch or wherever you eat normally) and make sure to ask if there's anything she needs while you're up.

4.) When you get up to eat/use the bathroom/whatever, always make sure you take the time (on your way back to the computer) to give her a hug/kiss/etc and tell her you love her. Even if it's only for 15 or 20 seconds she'll appreciate that you remember to show some affection. (Also remember to do all these things even when you're not playing a video game.)

Now granted all these things will take some time away from gaming, but it will help to make sure she feels appreciated and loved. It may mean one or two less hours of playtime but it will most likely end up meaning you two stay together longer as well.
____________________________
Q: How many SE employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, it's working as intended.
#50 Aug 31 2010 at 1:24 PM Rating: Good
**
473 posts
I love all the replies and everyones comments. I don't plan on neglecting her she knows my game schedule and is surprisingly supportive of it. She's seen the game and wants to watch while i do the story aspect and the cut scene's but has no interest if I am grinding.


I told her all about the game and she knows about my XI past and i showed her my playtime over a period of 7
years of of ffxi which in 7 years i only put in about 282 days so less than a year played over all.

She has her own hobbies and shows, I just want to be able to balance enjoying the new story and our life together :p

you guys are gear thanks for all the feedback :)
#51 Aug 31 2010 at 1:29 PM Rating: Good
**
473 posts
Quote:
My girlfriend is a gamer.

Nanny nanny boo boo, stick your face in doo doo.



**** you lol

ha ha ha ha my gf has a wii
maybe i could start grooming her into a gamer lol
« Previous 1 2
This forum is read only
This Forum is Read Only!
Recent Visitors: 15 All times are in CST
Anonymous Guests (15)