PLDXavier, Defender of Justice wrote:
Kind of off topic: i dont understand the whole moving in thing. why would i want to move in with my g/f before we're married... to feel like i'm married? it just creates a bunch of complicated issues especially if we break up. Yeah i know, she already practically lives with me but i kind of like the fact that I can sleep alone or do my own thing from time to time at my house. Don't get me wrong though, its just whats the point of marriage if you're already moved in with each other and sharing food and rent and probably eventually finances? meh, might just be me.
For me it's a dry run, to see how the transition will play out. Idk about anyone else, but I'd rather live together and make sure there's no early drama before going through all the **** of planning and paying for a wedding.
I read a study recently regarding the success of marriages when people live together first vs. not living together. The divorce/separation rate was significantly higher in people who'd lived together before getting married. The researchers stated that because living together makes breaking up harder (it takes more time because you have to move out, financially it's harder because you have to buy new stuff because a lot of it is shared, etc) couples tend to be less inclined to break up when things turn bad, and end up getting married because they see it as the "next step," even if things aren't really working out well. I think the real moral of the story is, if you do move in together, don't get in a situation where breaking up becomes near-impossible.
As for the OP's question, what has worked for some of my friends who played FFXI:
1. Don't lie or hide the fact that you're playing, and don't "zone in" on the game so much that you're ignoring her. If she asks you to stop, don't say "give me 30 minutes." Log out. The reason people don't like their significant others playing video games is typically not that they're opposed to the game itself, but rather that they feel like they are being ignored. You don't want her to feel like the game is more important to you than she is, whether or not that is true (if it is, you have some serious issues with video game addiction or your relationship. Either way, playing FFXIV isn't going to solve them.)
2. Get her involved. Find fun minigames or things that she'll like (i.e., not grinding) and show her why the game is fun. Compromise, e.g., "I'll buy you the first season of Glee and watch it with you, then you try playing FFXI with me for a week or two."
3. Schedule time for yourself, and for hanging out with your friends. Again, be willing to compromise, e.g., "we'll have date night every Tuesday, and every Wednesday we'll have a night to focus on our interests that don't include each other." Ask her what she sees as an acceptable compromise. If you both agree, but she still complains and pulls you away, try to set it up so she's got something going on while you're playing. Anything from getting her into a TV show that she'll like and you won't (my GF likes Glee, for example, while I... don't), to taking dance lessons, or having a girls' night out on the night that you've set aside. Alternatively, go over to a friend's house to play on that night. If she still keeps breaking your agreement, or if you can't set her up to do something else, you may need to be firm and remind her that you've agreed to the arrangement.
My friend used to do this, and it worked great. He set up a night with us, called it "guys' night" and we'd all get together and nerd out. Calling it "guy's night" is better than "FFXIV night," especially if she's already decided she doesn't like the game.
4. If you can't swing one of these things with her, you need to seriously consider the balance of power in your relationship, and how you can fix it. Relationships where one person has all the power are generally not healthy. To be clear, I'm not saying break up with her over a game, but be willing to have a serious discussion.
5. If your relationship is really good but the game is her one issue, then you're just screwed. Don't bother preordering :P Edited, Aug 31st 2010 2:05pm by khorbin