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I hate this game.Follow

#1 Oct 01 2010 at 3:20 PM Rating: Excellent
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So here I am, an innocent little Marmot, minding my business in the beautiful land of Eorzea. It's a nice life. A quiet life.

My father raised us here in the trees. Periodically someone would come by from the nearby town and might feed us some nuts and berries. Sure, we can get them on the trees, but it's nice to encounter such kind folks.

My father taught me all I need to know about hunting, and I taught my children in turn. They're sweet little kids. One of them was going to be graduating Marmot High this year.

Was.

Suddenly, our world was beset by throngs of new people. A few at first, and gradually more and more. First they killed cousin Fred (he was a little slow in the head; poor guy) and then my cousins Sarah and Jess.

Without so much as a "How do you do", these people who call themselves "adventurers" have been committing genocide. My once large family has been dwindling. Some catgirl punched dad in the face and broke his skull. My daughter Jenny got set on fire by some midget in a robe. And some pointy-eared ******* chopped down the tree that we grew up in as little Marmot babies. The bastards.

So here I am, hiding in a cave with a broken leg. I killed one of the bastards, but he vanished before I could feast on his heathen flesh.

I hate these adventurers so much. They all refer to this as a "game". I hate this game. I hope they all rot.

Happy ******* Friday, ********.
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#2 Oct 01 2010 at 3:23 PM Rating: Good
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#3 Oct 01 2010 at 3:24 PM Rating: Good
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Very imaginative. Well done.
#4 Oct 01 2010 at 3:24 PM Rating: Good
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#5 Oct 01 2010 at 3:24 PM Rating: Excellent
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Not this **** agai . . . oh wait . . . lol . . .

Poor marmots, probably gilsellers that killed them :(
#6 Oct 01 2010 at 3:25 PM Rating: Good
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^_^ Very funny, thank you.
#7 Oct 01 2010 at 3:25 PM Rating: Good
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Wonder how many ratedowns I'm going to get from people who read the thread title and not the OP lol
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Mikhalia: and FWIW, my posts are 95% helpful, informative, or funny.
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#8 Oct 01 2010 at 3:27 PM Rating: Good
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Mikhalia the Picky wrote:
Some catgirl punched dad in the face and broke his skull.



That was me. The catgirl.

Though I'm neither a cat nor a girl.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

AGk, I'm feeling a bit faklempt.
#9 Oct 01 2010 at 3:28 PM Rating: Decent
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Mikhalia the Picky wrote:
Wonder how many ratedowns I'm going to get from people who read the thread title and not the OP lol


Well the title almost made me not read it, but coming from you, there was bound to be some humor to it. I got a good story. hahaha.

Rate up from me.
#10 Oct 01 2010 at 3:28 PM Rating: Decent
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This Marmot will be the final boss of FFXIV.
#11 Oct 01 2010 at 3:31 PM Rating: Decent
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Mikhalia the Picky wrote:
I killed one of the bastards,


Noob.
#12 Oct 01 2010 at 3:31 PM Rating: Decent
Poor Marmot
#13 Oct 01 2010 at 3:33 PM Rating: Good
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RayneZ wrote:
This Marmot will be the final boss of FFXIV.



The Vengeful Marmot's Revenge Stab hits you for 32422 points.
#14 Oct 01 2010 at 3:41 PM Rating: Good
/SLOWCLAP
#15 Oct 01 2010 at 4:06 PM Rating: Decent
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The Marmot's Vorpal Ankle Bite hits you for 9999 damage!
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#16 Oct 01 2010 at 4:13 PM Rating: Decent
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lmao this was awesome, i feel like i'm involved in this genocide, oh well i'll live.

Btw was rdy to rage after i read title lol
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#17 Oct 01 2010 at 4:50 PM Rating: Good
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Heee hee heee XDD

I always tell myself that mobs in MMOs are all actors, so when you kill them, they're just offstage for a second getting a drink.

Makes me feel less bad about slaughtering them >.>

Plus, for NMs...

Stage assistant: Look I'm sorry, you have to go out there now. <waves clipboard authoritativly> You have a three-hour spawn, and it's been three hours.

NM: But no one ever even says hello!! All they want to do is knock me down and take my boots/pin/foot/staff/etc!! At least the marmots have strength in numbers!!

#18 Oct 01 2010 at 6:24 PM Rating: Good
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I am glad there is no Mammot family planning kit...

Thanks for having a lot of cousins and nefews, otherwise how are we adventures gonna wear mammot hat while eating mammot steak~

very nice read


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#19 Oct 01 2010 at 6:44 PM Rating: Good
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I found an area in Thanalan where like 40 marmots spawn in short order today. I've been committing marmot genocide ever since, powerleveling a bunch of classes to 10. I think I have about 45k worth of marmot pelts now. Not exaggerating at all.
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#20 Oct 01 2010 at 6:50 PM Rating: Excellent
I am LOL'ing here at work. Smiley: lol
#21 Oct 01 2010 at 6:57 PM Rating: Decent
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Mikhalia the Picky wrote:


Happy @#%^ing Friday, @#%^s.


Amazing. . .

Edit: Forgot to say I cracked a cold one while I was reading this


Edited, Oct 1st 2010 9:00pm by chomama
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#22 Oct 01 2010 at 7:04 PM Rating: Good
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Eske, Star Breaker wrote:
I found an area in Thanalan where like 40 marmots spawn in short order today. I've been committing marmot genocide ever since, powerleveling a bunch of classes to 10. I think I have about 45k worth of marmot pelts now. Not exaggerating at all.


You spoke of in /l how much you hate them earlier, still on the marmot rampage i see? Smiley: lol
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#23 Oct 01 2010 at 7:23 PM Rating: Good
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the mushrooms have it ALL figured out... they let you kill a couple of them... then one pretends to be hurt - leads you around a few corners into some tall grass... ^%#@& !!!

next thing you know you're being jumped, by his bloody cousins, some giant mosquito and a walking nightmare called an angler! EPIC DEAD !!
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#24 Oct 01 2010 at 7:26 PM Rating: Decent
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parkerjones wrote:

the mushrooms have it ALL figured out... they let you kill a couple of them... then one pretends to be hurt - leads you around a few corners into some tall grass... ^%#@& !!!

next thing you know you're being jumped, by his bloody cousins, some giant mosquito and a walking nightmare called an angler! EPIC DEAD !!


Nothing but jerk sauce. . .
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#25 Oct 01 2010 at 7:29 PM Rating: Good
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parkerjones wrote:

the mushrooms have it ALL figured out... they let you kill a couple of them... then one pretends to be hurt - leads you around a few corners into some tall grass... ^%#@& !!!

next thing you know you're being jumped, by his bloody cousins, some giant mosquito and a walking nightmare called an angler! EPIC DEAD !!


After becoming strong enough to kill them finally, i have seeked my revenge on Anglers, since then all have retreated back into the lake from where the once came.


...your welcome.
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#26 Oct 01 2010 at 7:32 PM Rating: Excellent
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Kierk wrote:
RayneZ wrote:
This Marmot will be the final boss of FFXIV.



The Vengeful Marmot's Revenge Stab hits you for 32422 points.


Vengeful Marmots are the new Tonberries.

The Vengeful Marmot's Everyone's Rancor hits you for more damage than the variable can hold. You're dead, we just can't tell you how much you're dead. Trust us, you're very dead.
#27 Oct 01 2010 at 8:03 PM Rating: Decent
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Were you the one who "Nutshoted" me with an instant kill? Here I am, walking along, trying to fish. All of a sudden "Readies Nutshot."
/Miqo'te drops dead.
#28 Oct 01 2010 at 8:41 PM Rating: Good
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Zidaga the Eccentric wrote:
Eske, Star Breaker wrote:
I found an area in Thanalan where like 40 marmots spawn in short order today. I've been committing marmot genocide ever since, powerleveling a bunch of classes to 10. I think I have about 45k worth of marmot pelts now. Not exaggerating at all.


You spoke of in /l how much you hate them earlier, still on the marmot rampage i see? Smiley: lol


As long as daddy needs Defender, cute fuzzy things got's to die.
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#29 Oct 01 2010 at 10:27 PM Rating: Decent
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i might be a catgirl.. but i did not punch no ones dad in the face.. however i might have zapped a relative of yours with a stray lightning bolt.. thats a big might though as you have no proof if i did or not :)

lol.. was funny though.. made me think of the sig i had on the startrek online forum.. robbing graves and spreading genocide thruout the galaxy with the blessing of starfleet.. lol
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#30 Oct 01 2010 at 10:30 PM Rating: Decent
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Everyone's Grudge -- Marmot Edition?
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#31 Oct 02 2010 at 3:55 AM Rating: Good
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Aoroi wrote:
Were you the one who "Nutshoted" me with an instant kill? Here I am, walking along, trying to fish. All of a sudden "Readies Nutshot."
/Miqo'te drops dead.


Miqo'tes don't have... nevermind
#32 Oct 02 2010 at 5:52 AM Rating: Decent
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Wow thanks...now I feel even worse about having killed all those poor wild animals. What's funny (well not really funny) is that those story people keep telling us Gridanians not to anger the forest and elementals even more, yet we go out and poke the **** out of the poor little cute marmots etc., with the yummy greenwrath still upon us of course. I keep thinking it doesn't make much sense.

But yes, I declare myself guilty. I feel sorry about all the poor marmots and their lovely families. I can only imagine the suffering and sadness they must be going through...those who are still alive, that is. Ever wondered why there's so few animals out there? They're afraid...scared, with good reason! I just shouldn't have...excuse me if I say, we shouldn't have. I'll have to completely rethink my purpose in this world that I once planned to protect from harm. I do feel bad, and yes me is crazy like that.

To all poor marmot families out there still alive, hiding in their trees, please forgive us. Some madness must have driven us, some freakish thing called a 'game', and something about 'leveling up', 'grinding' and the like. It certainly is not a game to you. Maybe it was the greenwrath after all, making us do such horrible things!? All I can say for now is forgive us...and maybe one day we'll be able to live together peacefully once again, under the protective roof of the forest. *wipes away a tear and walks away in shame*
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#33 Oct 02 2010 at 6:55 AM Rating: Decent
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need help call 911 maybe it a kid crying for help lol
#34 Oct 02 2010 at 10:44 AM Rating: Decent
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This topic was the topic that made me want to sign up. When I read the title I started getting infuriated and I was ready to break some skulls....but then it turned out that it was the best thing I've read for a month or two.
#35 Oct 02 2010 at 11:02 PM Rating: Decent
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LordMethos wrote:
Aoroi wrote:
Were you the one who "Nutshoted" me with an instant kill? Here I am, walking along, trying to fish. All of a sudden "Readies Nutshot."
/Miqo'te drops dead.


Miqo'tes don't have... nevermind


Yea, my point exactly, I was cracking up reading the screen.
#36 Oct 03 2010 at 12:10 AM Rating: Good
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I count all the days I've brightened with this thread (simultaneously following a prior desire to string me up in the town square by my ankles) and I consider this a success.

My one regret is that I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to top this one.
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Mikhalia: and FWIW, my posts are 95% helpful, informative, or funny.
Mikhalia: only 5% or less of my posts are utter crap.
Tyapex: 393 posts of utter crap...
Mikhalia: Sounds about right.
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