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Oct. Patch... & Confessions.Follow

#1 Oct 13 2010 at 12:49 PM Rating: Excellent
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3,530 posts
I would like to preface this post by pointing out the fact that many of us are desperate. We are but human, and we are but flesh, and flesh is mutable. We are desperate for FFXIV's timely fix, for certain, and some of us are more desperate than others. This, of course, owes itself to no inherent fault of the individual – the gods of science or the gods above predispose each to their own – so please withhold your judgment, muffle your scorn, oh readers.

It was a rainy October evening; I was feeling particularly desperate. The four-dollar box of wine, unopened at sunset, sat empty on the floor of my furniture-barren basement by midnight. The incessant patter of the rain on the foggy panes resounded like a blast in my head. I saw on my old laptop before me an open “Special Task Force” submission form – how did it get there, I wondered, but not exhaustively. I was in a swoon; no doubt I myself had opened it some time during my depraved melancholy.

And I did not close it right away. I stared at it; perhaps I was desperate. Certainly, I was desperate.

Oh reader, please understand! Please stay your dogs of slander, please dry your oceans of scorn! For I assure you, nothing can be done to me now that I have not already brought upon myself; neither punishment nor salvation is of any further use to us now. But if you can bear my tale yet a little longer, read on.

I fail to recollect everything; indeed, I seem to have blocked most of it from my now sullen, fragile brain. But I told him things, I gave assent. I strayed from the passages of reason, I withdrew from the narrow road, and I gave assent! **** it all, but I assented! I told Sundi that I would do... certain things – dishonourable things – for him, on the condition that the next update arrived quickly and was delivered effectively. I told him that I expected not a panacea, but an elixir – just something to stop the metaphorical bleeding. Oh, reader, judge me not! I was simply being a realist – a realist! Or perhaps I was desperate...

Yesterday I received a parcel by mail. It was covered with strange characters and I was afraid to open it. Its crinkled wrapping and thick, vein-like parcel-strings exuded an air of foreboding like the fabled Necronomicon, or an old work by the doleful Cornelius Agrippa. But I, a modern Doctor Faustus, opened it anyway.

A pair of felt moogle ears; a large, bouncy pom-pom on the end of a thin spring; a can of red paint. I didn't know what to make of them. Perplexed, I read the label on the sordid can, “Ferrari Red,” and I knew. This was from Sage Sundi, and I had made a deal. The contract is signed with pixellated blood and the GM Mephistopheles comes at last – are my twenty-fours years up already!?

I was desperate, and now the fatal hour draws nigh.
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"... he called to himself a wizard, named Gallery, hoping by this means to escape the paying of the fifteen hundred crowns..." (Machen 15)

"Thus opium is pleasing... on account of the agreeable delirium it produces." (Burke para.6)

"I could only read so much for this paper and the syphilis poem had to go."
#2 Oct 13 2010 at 12:53 PM Rating: Excellent
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2,010 posts
Well that's.... probably the one page my boss will pull in his weekly monitoring of my internet habits.

/giggle

I dunno how I am gonna explain this one ....
#3 Oct 13 2010 at 12:59 PM Rating: Excellent
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I hope your ready to take one for the team KaneKitty. Just close your eyes and pretend you are at a beach...shhh it will be okay.
#4 Oct 13 2010 at 1:13 PM Rating: Good
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*reads it once*


*reads it again*


*reads it a third time after doing some stretches*



Oooooohhhhhhhh. Ok, yea. Ew.
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Striveldt

FFXIV: Lancer, Fisher, Culinarian
FFXI: DRK 55, WAR 30, THF 27, DRG 27 (all retired)
WoW: Hunter 70, Warrior 29, Druid 26, Warlock 22, Shaman 19 (all retired)
EQII: Shadowknight 36 (retired)
#5 Oct 13 2010 at 1:32 PM Rating: Excellent
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49 posts
Amazing! rate up ^^
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Jasmine Otogi - Rabanster - Ul'Dah
22BNT ~ 18MRD ~ 16CRP ~ 13BSM ~ 10PUG ~ 8MIN ~ 8GSM ~ 5ARM
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Otogi - Siren Server (FFXI) Retired
75DRG ~ 75BLU ~ 75SAM
#6 Oct 13 2010 at 1:38 PM Rating: Excellent
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257 posts
(What?)
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FFXI(retired 04/2006): Epedemicoptikz, Phoenix Server, 75 SAM/NIN/WAR

#7 Oct 13 2010 at 1:41 PM Rating: Good
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462 posts
That was awesome.
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Maverik
Paradise Oblivion
75SMN/41WHM/45BRD/37RNG/75COR
Maverick Hawkeye. Kashuan.
#8 Oct 13 2010 at 1:43 PM Rating: Good
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415 posts
What is this I don't even
#9 Oct 13 2010 at 1:49 PM Rating: Excellent
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3,825 posts
So if we complain to the right GM we can get Moogle ears and spray paint our noses the color of Ferraris?
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FFXI:Sylph - Perrin 75 Hume THF; Retired (At least from my use any way)
EVE Online:ScraperX; Retired
WAR:IronClaw- Peryn SW;SkullThrone- Grymloc BO; Retired


#10 Oct 13 2010 at 2:06 PM Rating: Good
2 posts
This is fantastic news. I will certainly be sticking it out now, thank you!

#11 Oct 13 2010 at 2:09 PM Rating: Good
Edited by bsphil
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21,739 posts
KaneKitty wrote:
Perplexed, I read the label on the sordid can, “Ferrari Red,” and I knew. This was from Sage Sundi
Hahaha, this did it for me.
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His Excellency Aethien wrote:
Almalieque wrote:
If no one debated with me, then I wouldn't post here anymore.
Take the hint guys, please take the hint.
gbaji wrote:
I'm not getting my news from anywhere Joph.
#12 Oct 13 2010 at 3:29 PM Rating: Good
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121 posts
I loved your post. Not sure I really understand it, but loved it still!
#13 Oct 13 2010 at 3:33 PM Rating: Good
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92 posts
TL;DR

LOL I got half-way and got busy... I'll finish it or re-read it when I get home.
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-[ If it doesn't hurt, you're not doing it right ]-
#14 Oct 13 2010 at 7:04 PM Rating: Excellent
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3,530 posts
striveldt wrote:
Oooooohhhhhhhh. Ok, yea. Ew.


That's pretty much the reaction I was going for... but why does success feel so different in the morning light? (T _ T)

Either way, thanks for not being mean, everybody -- rate ups for all!
____________________________
"... he called to himself a wizard, named Gallery, hoping by this means to escape the paying of the fifteen hundred crowns..." (Machen 15)

"Thus opium is pleasing... on account of the agreeable delirium it produces." (Burke para.6)

"I could only read so much for this paper and the syphilis poem had to go."
#15 Oct 14 2010 at 12:02 AM Rating: Good
34 posts
LQTMS
#16 Oct 14 2010 at 1:05 AM Rating: Excellent
Sage
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1,500 posts
KaneKitty wrote:
Confession

Dear KaneKitty-san,

We appreciate you efforts and when your contributions to our current state of relaxation have been most successful, we are afraid to communicate you that our requested part of the deal will be inevitably and indefinitely delayed.

More over we wonder if our catalog of pictures and video stream of the event troubles you in some way, if that's the case we will remove it from the main page of our web site after the subscription of our customers who already pay to access said content expires.

We are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause

Sage Sundi

(any similarity with actual facts included in this post is mere coincidence)

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"Maybe it means: you're the evil man, and I'm the righteous man, and Mr. Nine-millimeter here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous *** in the Valley of Darkness." - Jules.
FFXIV: Mabel Rand (Gugnir)
FFXI: Kenage, retired.
K&K forever!,
#17 Oct 14 2010 at 1:09 AM Rating: Good
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119 posts
PerrinofSylph wrote:
So if we complain to the right GM we can get Moogle ears and spray paint our noses the color of Ferraris?


I'll get right on it!
____________________________
FFXIV: Laurana Drakoid | Lancer | Alchemist | Rabanastre
http://lodestone.finalfantasyxiv.com/rc/character/status?cicuid=4245640
#18 Oct 14 2010 at 2:17 AM Rating: Excellent
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17 posts
You know, this is great to see in a forum that recently has been plagued with so much negativity.

Thank you good sir, and rate up. =]
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