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Relationships + FFXIV = impossible to gauge?Follow

#1 Dec 06 2010 at 6:43 PM Rating: Good
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This sprouted from another thread that we were on the verge of derailing.

(It may be too late)

We were talking about significant others and how they can impact the sort of gaming experience it is feasible to have. Like some people were saying their partners didn't mind if they played but didn't like it when they used headsets, for example. Others played with their significant other, etc.

My girlfriend doesn't game but she has been a real gem about my burgeoning addiction. Sometimes I even play a bit when she is over - she reads or whatever.

I don't think she would like it if I used a headset around her, however. I don't know for sure. That would just seem more rude, I think.

What is your relationship with this game and your relationship? Feel free to talk about worries/hopes/fears/past experiences. Helpful strategies to calm the wrath of the non-gamer girl/boy friend also are welcome.

Edited, Dec 6th 2010 4:43pm by Olorinus
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#2 Dec 06 2010 at 6:47 PM Rating: Good
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My girlfriend is cool with my gaming addiction
she has no issues with it whatsoever
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#3 Dec 06 2010 at 6:47 PM Rating: Excellent
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I don't even consider having a relationship with someone who isn't a gamer. Well, personal preference anyway.
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#4 Dec 06 2010 at 6:50 PM Rating: Decent
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My girlfriend haaaaates it. Especially because when I decide to play I put hours into it. She'll come floating into the room doing that heavy handed sigh thing women do. I've become accustomed to ignoring it though.
#5 Dec 06 2010 at 6:54 PM Rating: Excellent
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UltKnightGrover wrote:
I don't even consider having a relationship with someone who isn't a gamer. Well, personal preference anyway.
^This, I can't even imagine the frustration and unnecessary fighting that me and my wife will be going through if she didn't like gaming.

It's a great thing when your better half shares your hobby, definitely strengths the relationship.

Ken
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#6 Dec 06 2010 at 6:55 PM Rating: Good
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No personal experiences, but I have a best friend who has a girlfriend who game only the casual ones like dance games, singing, etc. She has a very negative view of gaming, and see medium-hardcore gaming to almost a level of a crime. I think I also remember my friend saying that she often complains that he pays no attention to her when he games.

Outside of gaming, I have heard stories of people who paint miniatures and play tabletop wargames. They have anecdotes about wanting to rest and paint, but their wives will want to sit and talk, and will accuse them of not paying attention to the conversation/listen to them and dislike their spouse or partner painting/playing/buying the toy soldiers.

So from what I have been hearing I feel it has something to do with some woman (and some men even) that wants uninterrupted attention from their partner and feels like their hobbies (videogames or whatnot) is a rival for attention.
#7 Dec 06 2010 at 6:57 PM Rating: Good
I'm not "allowed" to play videogames. My GF hates them says they are non constructive blah blah blah and in fact are a Destructive use of my time cause

"Videogames kill your imagination and make you stupid" in her brain this is FACT

so i hide my ps3 when she comes over, also i open up wikipedia to some random stuff in internet browser and close allah and anything game related.

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Mikhalia = Black Mage Evilwizardington
FinalFanXIV = Fighter McWarrior
All we are missing is Thief, Clan Khee'Bler and we will have the full Light Warriors party.
#8 Dec 06 2010 at 7:02 PM Rating: Good
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As said on the other thread, I am the girlfriend who games, and I use it to make my relationship even better.

My guy isn't half as addicted to gaming as I am and yes I had to pinkie swear not to let our relationship become and online one since we'll both be joining as of the PS3 release.

On the other forum I saw a lot of guys posting about wives not liking gaming and it got me thinking (majoring in psych). Is this really that widespread of an issue? There is a lot worse than gaming addictions. Any thoughts on the applicability of research and/or some kind of advice/help project to help significant others come to terms with gaming?

My XI LS ended up with at least 3 couples within the LS itself. Players with spouses and what not who didn't game often told me about troubles quite often. As a girl myself, I understand exactly how hormones can effect a woman's emotions, but I don't understand the anger at gaming.

I was mad at myself on Friday and forced my boyfriend to play my video games while I made dinner so I could cool down and we didn't fight, it turned out great. I have a few theories on why this wouldn't work in other situations but I'm biased as a gamer.

I'm happy for all of you with good experiences, esp. Olo (Thanks for the thread btw), sounds like your girl is wonderful ^_^.

I'd like to hear from all types of experiences. I've seen a lot of research about video gaming causing violence and anti-social behavior (not all studies support these theories of course) but I haven't seen much on how gaming effects relationships or marriages, though I've studied the later topic in multiple courses. If anyone happens to know of such research, please send it my way!
#9 Dec 06 2010 at 7:04 PM Rating: Excellent
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Sorry, but this first part isn't going to be any help to you, Olor:

I'm a heavy gamer. Always have been, always will be. I've tried dating people who were not gamers and it never worked out, and that was always the sticking point. As such, my solution to overcome the "non gaming girlfriend" problem is simply not to date non gaming girls. I'm sure it has cost me some potential dates in the past, but in the end I'm engaged to a girl who would tell me "Not now! Boss fight! Can't pause!" just as readily as I'd say it to her. Couldn't be more in love.

In my opinion, if you consider yourself "a gamer", as opposed to someone who "likes video games", it's probably not in your best interests to date someone who isn't. It's like a hunter dating a vegetarian. Sure, you could manage, but unless you get really lucky, it could cause a lot of sticking points where one of you is going to have to compromise on what you want to do A LOT MORE than the other one.

The problem I see with "a gamer" dating "a non gamer" is that the gamer in the relation always talks about the other person with phrases like "She accepts it" or "He's okay with it", and I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that. I mean, you're saying it like you pick your nose or something; like it's a problem that the other person "is willing to put up with", and a relationship of equals shouldn't involve "putting up with" each other when it comes to something that is a major part of your life.

I wouldn't want someone to "put up with" my hair color or my religion or my clothing style; I'm not going to date someone who is going to "put up with" my gaming.

Best blessings and luck to anyone in such a relationship, but my strongest urges to any single folks out there is: When it comes to gaming (or anything else that is part of your life), ask yourself how important it is to you on a scale of 1-10 and stick to prospective dates who are no further than 1-2 points away from that.
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#10 Dec 06 2010 at 7:06 PM Rating: Excellent
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The One and Only FinalFanXIV wrote:
I'm not "allowed" to play videogames. My GF hates them says they are non constructive blah blah blah and in fact are a Destructive use of my time cause

"Videogames kill your imagination and make you stupid" in her brain this is FACT

so i hide my ps3 when she comes over, also i open up wikipedia to some random stuff in internet browser and close allah and anything game related.



I mean this with all due respect: You need a new girlfriend. Any adult who tells another adult that they're not "allowed" to do something is not an adult worth dating.

If you haven't been with her long, you gotta drop that zee-row and get yo self a hee-row.
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#11 Dec 06 2010 at 7:06 PM Rating: Good
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I'd now like to be the ******* who nitpicks at the OP and say that the phrase {Impossible to gauge.} does not actually mean harder then {Incredibly tough.}. It simply means it's impossible to gauge and it could in fact be easy, as was often the case when fighting low level NMs that conned that.

The One and Only FinalFanXIV wrote:
I'm not "allowed" to play videogames. My GF hates them says they are non constructive blah blah blah and in fact are a Destructive use of my time cause

"Videogames kill your imagination and make you stupid" in her brain this is FACT

so i hide my ps3 when she comes over, also i open up wikipedia to some random stuff in internet browser and close allah and anything game related.


Let me guess, you're in the relationship purely because she's smoking hot? It's all I can think of.
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#12 Dec 06 2010 at 7:07 PM Rating: Good
My wife has played Guitar Hero once and that's the extent of her gaming experience. She has no issues with it. We were dating when I first started MMO'ing and for a couple weeks she wasn't used to the reduced attention, but after that she was cool. Doesn't mind if I get on the headset. Even typed for me when I broke my wrist. **** she used to log on for me and get my char situated / message my ls leaders on FFXI when I had sky or dynamis and was running late from work. She's the reason I made Dyna-Xarc the day I got my th4 lol. I lucked out.
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#13 Dec 06 2010 at 7:08 PM Rating: Good
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Interesting thought, but if people thought logically (Geez if only all people did, I'd be too happy) or were at least exposed to a very simple theory, overexposure to something or someone can often cause a distaste. People simply need their space.

Has anyone ever tried mentioning that some of the attention gaming receives is in order to relieve frustration? Significant others don't usually want that sort of attention o.O
#14 Dec 06 2010 at 7:09 PM Rating: Good
Mikhalia the Picky wrote:
Sorry, but this first part isn't going to be any help to you, Olor:

I'm a heavy gamer. Always have been, always will be. I've tried dating people who were not gamers and it never worked out, and that was always the sticking point. As such, my solution to overcome the "non gaming girlfriend" problem is simply not to date non gaming girls. I'm sure it has cost me some potential dates in the past, but in the end I'm engaged to a girl who would tell me "Not now! Boss fight! Can't pause!" just as readily as I'd say it to her. Couldn't be more in love.

In my opinion, if you consider yourself "a gamer", as opposed to someone who "likes video games", it's probably not in your best interests to date someone who isn't. It's like a hunter dating a vegetarian. Sure, you could manage, but unless you get really lucky, it could cause a lot of sticking points where one of you is going to have to compromise on what you want to do A LOT MORE than the other one.

The problem I see with "a gamer" dating "a non gamer" is that the gamer in the relation always talks about the other person with phrases like "She accepts it" or "He's okay with it", and I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that. I mean, you're saying it like you pick your nose or something; like it's a problem that the other person "is willing to put up with", and a relationship of equals shouldn't involve "putting up with" each other when it comes to something that is a major part of your life.

I wouldn't want someone to "put up with" my hair color or my religion or my clothing style; I'm not going to date someone who is going to "put up with" my gaming.

Best blessings and luck to anyone in such a relationship, but my strongest urges to any single folks out there is: When it comes to gaming (or anything else that is part of your life), ask yourself how important it is to you on a scale of 1-10 and stick to prospective dates who are no further than 1-2 points away from that.

TBH im just in it for the "love".
lol
seriously though i don't plan on being with my current forever and honestly Ive only had 1 long term relationship ever it was 2 yrs and in high school.

My relationships usually last 3-6 months for the past 5~ish yrs
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All we are missing is Thief, Clan Khee'Bler and we will have the full Light Warriors party.
#15 Dec 06 2010 at 7:10 PM Rating: Good
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Had a relationship while playing FFXI. Basically I never partied and only solo'd. She said she understood how the game works, with you playing with other people and suddenly having to go being a very bad thing. Yet EVERY time the situation arose where I had free time and wanted to play she'd decide she wanted to call and talk on the phone. You can't tank and talk, you end up half-assing one of them... and she could always tell that I was paying attention to the game. (Sure they're just pixels on my tv.. yet I know those pixels are controlled by someone else.. and that person has invested who knows how much of their time into their character. It's just not very nice to let someone die, causing hours of their time to be for nothing.) I'd say I was logging out and just force d/c if she was acting itchby about it, even if she said "No, it's ok, You play your game." Finally it got to the point where I just stopped playing because I always felt guilty and couldnt enjoy it any more.

Now I'm single again and have all the time I want to play.

**** I miss her.

*Game had nothing to do with our demise. Her not acting like a grownup and living her life for her parents instead of herself at the age of 30 / Me being frustrated and argumentative all the time because of that were the main factors.
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#16 Dec 06 2010 at 7:11 PM Rating: Excellent
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Actually, I've always been a fan of the irony in responding to "Why don't you stop playing that game and spend time with me" with "Why don't you play this game too and then we'll be spending time together?"
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#17 Dec 06 2010 at 7:12 PM Rating: Excellent
Omena wrote:

Let me guess, you're in the relationship purely because she's smoking hot? It's all I can think of.

Hehe a kindred soul. you get it lol
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FinalFanXIV = Fighter McWarrior
All we are missing is Thief, Clan Khee'Bler and we will have the full Light Warriors party.
#18 Dec 06 2010 at 7:12 PM Rating: Good
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The One and Only FinalFanXIV wrote:
I'm not "allowed" to play videogames. My GF hates them says they are non constructive blah blah blah and in fact are a Destructive use of my time cause

"Videogames kill your imagination and make you stupid" in her brain this is FACT

so i hide my ps3 when she comes over, also i open up wikipedia to some random stuff in internet browser and close allah and anything game related.



She sounds really really stupid and uninformed.
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#19 Dec 06 2010 at 7:17 PM Rating: Good
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Mikhalia the Picky wrote:

The problem I see with "a gamer" dating "a non gamer" is that the gamer in the relation always talks about the other person with phrases like "She accepts it" or "He's okay with it", and I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that. I mean, you're saying it like you pick your nose or something; like it's a problem that the other person "is willing to put up with", and a relationship of equals shouldn't involve "putting up with" each other when it comes to something that is a major part of your life.

I wouldn't want someone to "put up with" my hair color or my religion or my clothing style; I'm not going to date someone who is going to "put up with" my gaming.


Great phrasing man, but honestly I wouldn't advise people to shy away from dating non-gamers. I mean I guess this isn't my forte since most guys I've dated liked video games or had some other weird hobby. But at the same time, for example, I am severely dedicated to my schoolwork and have flat out told boyfriends it's more important than them. In that case, nobody ever really was bothered by it. Maybe this doesn't apply to gaming because gaming isn't my future?

And as we see multiple cases of non-gamers on this forum, it seems to work, so what's the real factor? I highly doubt it's the interest. Psychological studies show that people are most compatible if they share about 80% of the same interests or perceptions and no more than that. Any more is too much and the relationship either gets boring or the partners fight over who is better, have insecurity issues, etc. etc.

However, I think that you're right in saying to avoid non-gamers if gaming is an ESSENTIAL part of your life and takes up the majority of your interest.

Sorry for the long post!
#20 Dec 06 2010 at 7:19 PM Rating: Excellent
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The One and Only FinalFanXIV wrote:
I'm not "allowed" to play videogames. My GF hates them says they are non constructive blah blah blah and in fact are a Destructive use of my time cause

"Videogames kill your imagination and make you stupid" in her brain this is FACT

so i hide my ps3 when she comes over, also i open up wikipedia to some random stuff in internet browser and close allah and anything game related.



You're gonna be dealing with her crap for the rest of your life if you don;t throw that out right now. MEan but true
#21 Dec 06 2010 at 7:20 PM Rating: Good
I met her at a get together at a buddy's house a few months ago, she is a friend of a friend of a friend ect.

She is in the army as most of the people there were also in the army cause my buddy and his wife are both in the army only he is active and she finished her term.
Anyway alot of people were playing Halo and she was talking about how stupid it was, most of the guys there had wives/GF's so instead of joining the others in halo madness. I talked to her cause she was hot and single, and basically just nodded and agreed with the things she said and occasionally repeated the last thing she said followed by "how insightful" ect

i then hid my games ect before the first time she ever came over after a few dates. so the relationship is based on lies kinda....

aka she has no idea im a gamer
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Mikhalia = Black Mage Evilwizardington
FinalFanXIV = Fighter McWarrior
All we are missing is Thief, Clan Khee'Bler and we will have the full Light Warriors party.
#22 Dec 06 2010 at 7:23 PM Rating: Good
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tylerbee wrote:

She sounds really really stupid and uninformed.

A majority of the people in the entire world are indoctrinated to think in one way or another illogically. She's not that special.
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#23 Dec 06 2010 at 7:23 PM Rating: Decent
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I'm a lucky one. Considering I met my fiance on FFXI she doesn't really say anything about my playtime or headset use on games xD
#24 Dec 06 2010 at 7:24 PM Rating: Excellent
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The One and Only FinalFanXIV wrote:
TBH im just in it for the "love".
lol
seriously though i don't plan on being with my current forever and honestly Ive only had 1 long term relationship ever it was 2 yrs and in high school.

My relationships usually last 3-6 months for the past 5~ish yrs


Love is never a logical thing. I still wish you the best of luck in your relationship either way :)

AshlarThePaladin wrote:
Had a relationship while playing FFXI. Basically I never partied and only solo'd. She said she understood how the game works, with you playing with other people and suddenly having to go being a very bad thing. Yet EVERY time the situation arose where I had free time and wanted to play she'd decide she wanted to call and talk on the phone. You can't tank and talk, you end up half-assing one of them... and she could always tell that I was paying attention to the game. (Sure they're just pixels on my tv.. yet I know those pixels are controlled by someone else.. and that person has invested who knows how much of their time into their character. It's just not very nice to let someone die, causing hours of their time to be for nothing.) I'd say I was logging out and just force d/c if she was acting itchby about it, even if she said "No, it's ok, You play your game." Finally it got to the point where I just stopped playing because I always felt guilty and couldnt enjoy it any more.

Now I'm single again and have all the time I want to play.

**** I miss her.

*Game had nothing to do with our demise. Her not acting like a grownup and living her life for her parents instead of herself at the age of 30 / Me being frustrated and argumentative all the time because of that were the main factors.


True story:

Dated one girl, once. She was in high school and I had graduated two years prior. (I graduated in '02 and it was '04). I was at home at 1 PM and I had gotten into a group on WHM roughly 30 mins prior. She decided to cut class and just show up at my place. Obviously I wasn't expecting her, and I was not about to bail on a group at 1 PM EST and leave them without a WHM; they'd probably have broken up and I wasn't about to ***** five people over because my girlfriend showed up with no warning.

So she hung out while I was on the computer and we talked.

Eventually she asks me, quote: "Are you going to spend time with me or play that stupid game"?

I replied, without missing a beat and without even looking away from the screen for a split second, quote: "Play this stupid game"

Did you know that if enough force is exerted by the palm to the rear of the human skull, one's face can bounce (yes, BOUNCE) off of a 17" CRT monitor?

Kinda hurt. She stormed out. I got level 67.

Edited, Dec 6th 2010 8:43pm by Mikhalia
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#25 Dec 06 2010 at 7:25 PM Rating: Decent
The One and Only FinalFanXIV wrote:
I met her at a get together at a buddy's house a few months ago, she is a friend of a friend of a friend ect.

She is in the army as most of the people there were also in the army cause my buddy and his wife are both in the army only he is active and she finished her term.
Anyway alot of people were playing Halo and she was talking about how stupid it was, most of the guys there had wives/GF's so instead of joining the others in halo madness. I talked to her cause she was hot and single, and basically just nodded and agreed with the things she said and occasionally repeated the last thing she said followed by "how insightful" ect

i then hid my games ect before the first time she ever came over after a few dates. so the relationship is based on lies kinda....

aka she has no idea im a gamer


^Awsome and hilarious
____________________________
Our team is like a flock of woodpeckers in a petrified forest. We just need to keep working and keep an eye open for opportunity.

FFXI
Toofar - Asura (Formerly of Lakshmi (Garuda)) - WHM BLM SMN
Rafoot - Asura (Formerly of Lakshmi (Garuda)) - THF SAM BRD
#26 Dec 06 2010 at 7:27 PM Rating: Good
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Mikhalia the Picky wrote:

I replied, without missing a beat and without even looking away from the screen for a split second, quote: "Play this stupid game"

Did you know that if enough force is exerted by the palm to the rear of the human skull, one's face can bounce (yes, BOUNCE) off of a 17" CRT monitor?

Kinda hurt. She stormed out. I got level 67.

I lol'd. You should have sued for assault just to rub it in.
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#27 Dec 06 2010 at 7:28 PM Rating: Good
lol so basically she went all "White Mage" 8-bit theater style on "Black Mage" Micky

thats epic
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Mikhalia = Black Mage Evilwizardington
FinalFanXIV = Fighter McWarrior
All we are missing is Thief, Clan Khee'Bler and we will have the full Light Warriors party.
#28 Dec 06 2010 at 7:32 PM Rating: Default
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I'd just like to ask everyone to avoid slander for a second. (having seen the comment about a gf being stupid)

Quote:
I talked to her cause she was hot and single, and basically just nodded and agreed with the things she said and occasionally repeated the last thing she said followed by "how insightful" ect

i then hid my games ect before the first time she ever came over after a few dates. so the relationship is based on lies kinda....

aka she has no idea im a gamer


Well.... aren't you quite the.. charmer haha. I just hope it doesn't blow up in your face. I don't get the "gaming makes you stupid" thing because especially my friends who tabletop are 300x more imaginative than most people I know and I certainly find inspiration from gaming. Also stress relief. And I'm a double major with a lot of stress.

Does she offer any clear reason why she is so against gaming other than "it makes you stupid"? That's not very clear imo... I have a great academic record and I'm a proud addict.
#29 Dec 06 2010 at 7:33 PM Rating: Excellent
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Solaine wrote:
Mikhalia the Picky wrote:

The problem I see with "a gamer" dating "a non gamer" is that the gamer in the relation always talks about the other person with phrases like "She accepts it" or "He's okay with it", and I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that. I mean, you're saying it like you pick your nose or something; like it's a problem that the other person "is willing to put up with", and a relationship of equals shouldn't involve "putting up with" each other when it comes to something that is a major part of your life.

I wouldn't want someone to "put up with" my hair color or my religion or my clothing style; I'm not going to date someone who is going to "put up with" my gaming.


Great phrasing man, but honestly I wouldn't advise people to shy away from dating non-gamers. I mean I guess this isn't my forte since most guys I've dated liked video games or had some other weird hobby. But at the same time, for example, I am severely dedicated to my schoolwork and have flat out told boyfriends it's more important than them. In that case, nobody ever really was bothered by it. Maybe this doesn't apply to gaming because gaming isn't my future?

And as we see multiple cases of non-gamers on this forum, it seems to work, so what's the real factor? I highly doubt it's the interest. Psychological studies show that people are most compatible if they share about 80% of the same interests or perceptions and no more than that. Any more is too much and the relationship either gets boring or the partners fight over who is better, have insecurity issues, etc. etc.

However, I think that you're right in saying to avoid non-gamers if gaming is an ESSENTIAL part of your life and takes up the majority of your interest.

Sorry for the long post!


That's exactly what I'm saying. As I mentioned, there's a difference between "liking video games" and being "a gamer". I'm in to football but my fiancee isn't. She's into facebook and I'm not. I love math/science and she loves novels. I love anime and she loves manga.

I wholeheartedly agree that finding someone who is a clone of yourself is a terrible idea, but I think it's important to pick 3-5 things in your life that you revolve your life around and don't ever compromise on finding someone who shares those traits before you think about tying the knot.
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Tyapex: 393 posts of utter crap...
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#30 Dec 06 2010 at 7:37 PM Rating: Default
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Omena wrote:
Mikhalia the Picky wrote:

I replied, without missing a beat and without even looking away from the screen for a split second, quote: "Play this stupid game"

Did you know that if enough force is exerted by the palm to the rear of the human skull, one's face can bounce (yes, BOUNCE) off of a 17" CRT monitor?

Kinda hurt. She stormed out. I got level 67.

I lol'd. You should have sued for assault just to rub it in.


haha wooowwww....
Okay pathetic story from my relationship that got me into XI?
My bf decides we should see how much we like gaming and doin the nasty at the same time..... Ended in me telling him to get off because he was only annoying me and messing up my tanking. (stopped as 69 PLD when I had to quit for school reasons)
#31 Dec 06 2010 at 7:39 PM Rating: Excellent
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Omena wrote:
Mikhalia the Picky wrote:

I replied, without missing a beat and without even looking away from the screen for a split second, quote: "Play this stupid game"

Did you know that if enough force is exerted by the palm to the rear of the human skull, one's face can bounce (yes, BOUNCE) off of a 17" CRT monitor?

Kinda hurt. She stormed out. I got level 67.

I lol'd. You should have sued for assault just to rub it in.


Actually, it gets worse. Three years later, her father hit the Mega Millions jackpot and won 82 million.

Also a true story.

His daughter, Ashley, is the girl in question.
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#32 Dec 06 2010 at 7:40 PM Rating: Good
Solaine wrote:
I'd just like to ask everyone to avoid slander for a second. (having seen the comment about a gf being stupid)

Quote:
I talked to her cause she was hot and single, and basically just nodded and agreed with the things she said and occasionally repeated the last thing she said followed by "how insightful" ect

i then hid my games ect before the first time she ever came over after a few dates. so the relationship is based on lies kinda....

aka she has no idea im a gamer


Well.... aren't you quite the.. charmer haha. I just hope it doesn't blow up in your face. I don't get the "gaming makes you stupid" thing because especially my friends who tabletop are 300x more imaginative than most people I know and I certainly find inspiration from gaming. Also stress relief. And I'm a double major with a lot of stress.

Does she offer any clear reason why she is so against gaming other than "it makes you stupid"? That's not very clear imo... I have a great academic record and I'm a proud addict.

Actually when i met her she had a whole rant about gaming but as i said i wasn't really paying attention to what she was saying.

I dare not bring up the subject in conversation.
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#33 Dec 06 2010 at 7:40 PM Rating: Excellent
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Solaine wrote:
Omena wrote:
Mikhalia the Picky wrote:

I replied, without missing a beat and without even looking away from the screen for a split second, quote: "Play this stupid game"

Did you know that if enough force is exerted by the palm to the rear of the human skull, one's face can bounce (yes, BOUNCE) off of a 17" CRT monitor?

Kinda hurt. She stormed out. I got level 67.

I lol'd. You should have sued for assault just to rub it in.


haha wooowwww....
Okay pathetic story from my relationship that got me into XI?
My bf decides we should see how much we like gaming and doin the nasty at the same time..... Ended in me telling him to get off because he was only annoying me and messing up my tanking. (stopped as 69 PLD when I had to quit for school reasons)


You told him to get off and stopped at 69, you say?
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#34 Dec 06 2010 at 7:41 PM Rating: Excellent
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The One and Only FinalFanXIV wrote:
Solaine wrote:
I'd just like to ask everyone to avoid slander for a second. (having seen the comment about a gf being stupid)

Quote:
I talked to her cause she was hot and single, and basically just nodded and agreed with the things she said and occasionally repeated the last thing she said followed by "how insightful" ect

i then hid my games ect before the first time she ever came over after a few dates. so the relationship is based on lies kinda....

aka she has no idea im a gamer


Well.... aren't you quite the.. charmer haha. I just hope it doesn't blow up in your face. I don't get the "gaming makes you stupid" thing because especially my friends who tabletop are 300x more imaginative than most people I know and I certainly find inspiration from gaming. Also stress relief. And I'm a double major with a lot of stress.

Does she offer any clear reason why she is so against gaming other than "it makes you stupid"? That's not very clear imo... I have a great academic record and I'm a proud addict.

Actually when i met her she had a whole rant about gaming but as i said i wasn't really paying attention to what she was saying.

I dare not bring up the subject in conversation.


Marry her and tell her on your first anniversary. Scratch that. Propose to her and then try to plan a gamer-themed wedding like we are.

Edited, Dec 6th 2010 8:41pm by Mikhalia
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#35 Dec 06 2010 at 7:42 PM Rating: Good
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Mikhalia the Picky wrote:

That's exactly what I'm saying. As I mentioned, there's a difference between "liking video games" and being "a gamer". I'm in to football but my fiancee isn't. She's into facebook and I'm not. I love math/science and she loves novels. I love anime and she loves manga.

I wholeheartedly agree that finding someone who is a clone of yourself is a terrible idea, but I think it's important to pick 3-5 things in your life that you revolve your life around and don't ever compromise on finding someone who shares those traits before you think about tying the knot.


Ah okay. Well idk I consider myself "a gamer" but I don't have the time to game EVERY DAY or anything, you know? School is far more important to me and I can think of a bunch of other stuff I do but I still love gaming to a fault.... I'll spend 10 hours gaming and think only 2 have passed.... Nice huh? My roommate makes way too much fun of me for that.

I go to conventions and the like and haven't really met many guys who don't at least like video games so I guess that gives me an availability heuristic but where do you think the line is drawn? But I'd assume I could date a guy who isn't really into gaming.

Can you make it as a "serious gamer" who plays constantly with someone who only "likes video games"? or do you both have to be "true gamers"?
#36 Dec 06 2010 at 7:45 PM Rating: Decent
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Mikhalia the Picky wrote:

You told him to get off and stopped at 69, you say?


LOL THE LVL!!!!! You're a freakin riot haha.
#37 Dec 06 2010 at 7:46 PM Rating: Excellent
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Solaine wrote:
Mikhalia the Picky wrote:

That's exactly what I'm saying. As I mentioned, there's a difference between "liking video games" and being "a gamer". I'm in to football but my fiancee isn't. She's into facebook and I'm not. I love math/science and she loves novels. I love anime and she loves manga.

I wholeheartedly agree that finding someone who is a clone of yourself is a terrible idea, but I think it's important to pick 3-5 things in your life that you revolve your life around and don't ever compromise on finding someone who shares those traits before you think about tying the knot.


Ah okay. Well idk I consider myself "a gamer" but I don't have the time to game EVERY DAY or anything, you know? School is far more important to me and I can think of a bunch of other stuff I do but I still love gaming to a fault.... I'll spend 10 hours gaming and think only 2 have passed.... Nice huh? My roommate makes way too much fun of me for that.

I go to conventions and the like and haven't really met many guys who don't at least like video games so I guess that gives me an availability heuristic but where do you think the line is drawn? But I'd assume I could date a guy who isn't really into gaming.

Can you make it as a "serious gamer" who plays constantly with someone who only "likes video games"? or do you both have to be "true gamers"?


If you're looking for a male who likes gaming, you have it a lot easier than someone who is looking for a female who likes gaming.

And I don't think there's a hard and fast rule for how much you each should like gaming, the main thing it comes down to is: do you feel you frequently find yourself not able to do something you really want to do because the other person doesn't want to do it, disproportionate to the amount of times that the other person does? That's not a question one can quantitatively answer.
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Mikhalia: and FWIW, my posts are 95% helpful, informative, or funny.
Mikhalia: only 5% or less of my posts are utter crap.
Tyapex: 393 posts of utter crap...
Mikhalia: Sounds about right.
#38 Dec 06 2010 at 7:47 PM Rating: Good
Mikhalia the Picky wrote:
The One and Only FinalFanXIV wrote:
Solaine wrote:
I'd just like to ask everyone to avoid slander for a second. (having seen the comment about a gf being stupid)

Quote:
I talked to her cause she was hot and single, and basically just nodded and agreed with the things she said and occasionally repeated the last thing she said followed by "how insightful" ect

i then hid my games ect before the first time she ever came over after a few dates. so the relationship is based on lies kinda....

aka she has no idea im a gamer


Well.... aren't you quite the.. charmer haha. I just hope it doesn't blow up in your face. I don't get the "gaming makes you stupid" thing because especially my friends who tabletop are 300x more imaginative than most people I know and I certainly find inspiration from gaming. Also stress relief. And I'm a double major with a lot of stress.

Does she offer any clear reason why she is so against gaming other than "it makes you stupid"? That's not very clear imo... I have a great academic record and I'm a proud addict.

Actually when i met her she had a whole rant about gaming but as i said i wasn't really paying attention to what she was saying.

I dare not bring up the subject in conversation.


Marry her and tell her on your first anniversary. Scratch that. Propose to her and then try to plan a gamer-themed wedding like we are.

Edited, Dec 6th 2010 8:41pm by Mikhalia

Only if we can make it a double wedding. She is pulling Army Medic $$$ make it rain!
____________________________

Osarion = Red Mage
Mikhalia = Black Mage Evilwizardington
FinalFanXIV = Fighter McWarrior
All we are missing is Thief, Clan Khee'Bler and we will have the full Light Warriors party.
#39 Dec 06 2010 at 7:52 PM Rating: Good
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Mikhalia the Picky wrote:

If you're looking for a male who likes gaming, you have it a lot easier than someone who is looking for a female who likes gaming.

And I don't think there's a hard and fast rule for how much you each should like gaming, the main thing it comes down to is: do you feel you frequently find yourself not able to do something you really want to do because the other person doesn't want to do it, disproportionate to the amount of times that the other person does? That's not a question one can quantitatively answer.


Point taken. Guess it's harder to find girls. It is hard to balance satisfaction/investment costs. You'd probably like the one relationship assessment model I have in my notebook somewhere but I'm going off forum before I get addicted to chatting with you guys instead of writing research papers. Or my boyfriend gets upset that I'm forum posting instead of chatting with him! My suitemate is already complaining haha. I'll check back soon!
#40 Dec 06 2010 at 7:56 PM Rating: Good
By suitemate you mean roommate or Sweet Mate ala man that mating was SWEET
or Sweet Mate like an aussie calling his homie Sweet.
http://www.tatoos-tattos.com/tatoos/tatoos-pictures/tatoos-dude.jpg
____________________________

Osarion = Red Mage
Mikhalia = Black Mage Evilwizardington
FinalFanXIV = Fighter McWarrior
All we are missing is Thief, Clan Khee'Bler and we will have the full Light Warriors party.
#41 Dec 06 2010 at 7:56 PM Rating: Good
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Mine is real cool with me playing cause it gives her time to watch the Kardasians and the Real Housewives, etc. Besides, I named my character after her so I can show how how cute her gear looks as an excuse to keep playing lol.
#42 Dec 06 2010 at 8:02 PM Rating: Good
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lol okay my bf doesn't care and my suitemate is on tmblr or w/e that is. Zam is better haha. For one and only, I mean one of the girls who lives in the other room in my apartment, so roommate. We have 2 rooms and 4 girls. And it's one of the better dorms haha.

For Buttsniffa: that's the perfect reason I think gaming is a non-issue.

And the attention issue can exist in relationship with both gamers, too. Like my pinkie swear with my guy. We're gonna spend a night or two at my house to network on the PS3 release date. We both get to play and we get to talk about character ideas face to face. I'm excited. Might just be the best date ever.....

A RELEASE DATE DATE! I love this idea...
#43 Dec 06 2010 at 8:04 PM Rating: Excellent
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kenage wrote:
UltKnightGrover wrote:
I don't even consider having a relationship with someone who isn't a gamer. Well, personal preference anyway.
^This, I can't even imagine the frustration and unnecessary fighting that me and my wife will be going through if she didn't like gaming.

It's a great thing when your better half shares your hobby, definitely strengthens the relationship.


Quoting both of these sentiments for truth.

Plus, who wouldn't want a guaranteed second slot in a party, a helpful PL, a person to auto-follow? Why play an hour with someone special nearby when you can play an hour simply with someone special?

Finally, in this world of noobs, he/she is one of the few stable sources of l33t.

(At least my wife is, and I'm not just saying that because she's looking over here; I could probably get her to play any game with me, assuming it's one she didn't want to play already! Maybe I should put this to the test...)



Edited, Dec 6th 2010 9:06pm by KaneKitty
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#44 Dec 06 2010 at 8:10 PM Rating: Good
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KaneKitty wrote:

Plus, who wouldn't want a guaranteed second slot in a party, a helpful PL, a person to auto-follow? Why play an hour with someone special nearby when you can play an hour simply with someone special?

Finally, in this world of noobs, he/she is one of the few stable sources of l33t.


very very very good point. I kinda made a friendly competition with my bf.... He works full time, I learn full time so I have slightly more time. Mwahahahahaha XP
#45 Dec 06 2010 at 8:25 PM Rating: Excellent
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Solaine wrote:
lol okay my bf doesn't care and my suitemate is on tmblr or w/e that is. Zam is better haha. For one and only, I mean one of the girls who lives in the other room in my apartment, so roommate. We have 2 rooms and 4 girls. And it's one of the better dorms haha.

For Buttsniffa: that's the perfect reason I think gaming is a non-issue.

And the attention issue can exist in relationship with both gamers, too. Like my pinkie swear with my guy. We're gonna spend a night or two at my house to network on the PS3 release date. We both get to play and we get to talk about character ideas face to face. I'm excited. Might just be the best date ever.....

A RELEASE DATE DATE! I love this idea...



That would def be the ideal, but I wouldn't nec ONLY date gamers like some others have said. There def can be a happy medium, but if my girl played, especially with me or in my party, I would be happy as a pig... From my experience, when you live with someone, you need that separate time to have a healthy relationship, whether it be a man-cave, girl's nite out, etc. I will be joining you on the PS3 release!
#46 Dec 06 2010 at 8:36 PM Rating: Decent
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Omg wait Buttsniffa.... I just noticed Shiva server..... I think I remember you.. I was Diafe.

I'll probably be getting on Bodhum server where mrhappytwo/lilhappy from shiva went as he's my high school friend.

And I don't live with my bf but I see him about twice a week. We make it work well though it's hard to see each other. Doesn't help that I'll be spending 4-5 months in Japan next year. But gaming doesn't keep us apart, brings us together. We just fight over who's better hahaha.
#47 Dec 06 2010 at 8:42 PM Rating: Good
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Mikhalia the Picky wrote:

The problem I see with "a gamer" dating "a non gamer" is that the gamer in the relation always talks about the other person with phrases like "She accepts it" or "He's okay with it", and I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that. I mean, you're saying it like you pick your nose or something; like it's a problem that the other person "is willing to put up with", and a relationship of equals shouldn't involve "putting up with" each other when it comes to something that is a major part of your life.

I wouldn't want someone to "put up with" my hair color or my religion or my clothing style; I'm not going to date someone who is going to "put up with" my gaming.

Best blessings and luck to anyone in such a relationship, but my strongest urges to any single folks out there is: When it comes to gaming (or anything else that is part of your life), ask yourself how important it is to you on a scale of 1-10 and stick to prospective dates who are no further than 1-2 points away from that.


Incredibly insightful!

This issue may be related to "gaming" (or hardcore gaming) still not being mainstream as we may think. Forget women; even certain politicians and ministers think gamers are either immature teens, or psychopathic, violent individuals with the tendency to kill prostitutes. I won't be surprised if some females share the same sentiment just by watching the media alone.

I also think it may have something to do with someone just being a complete *bleep* in a relationship. You know those people who only take, but never give? They can do whatever stuff they want and you have to follow them, but when you want to do your stuff, "NO NO NO NO stop doing that stupid thing! How come you never spend time with me????!?!"
^ Avoid at all cost. I don't even care if she looks like Megan Fox or something.

Quote:
Eventually she asks me, quote: "Are you going to spend time with me or play that stupid game"?

I replied, without missing a beat and without even looking away from the screen for a split second, quote: "Play this stupid game"

Did you know that if enough force is exerted by the palm to the rear of the human skull, one's face can bounce (yes, BOUNCE) off of a 17" CRT monitor?

Kinda hurt. She stormed out. I got level 67.


*slow clap* You have just became my favorite person on Zam. Way to stand up for yourself instead of caving in/lie!
#48 Dec 06 2010 at 8:42 PM Rating: Excellent
15 posts
When i met my husband, he played ffxi and i wasn't really into games, and i got mad when i would come over and he'd ignore me because he's partying or what have you, then i picked it up one day (so i could at least spend sooome time with him xD ) and i fell in love with mmo's. Now we both play ffxiv as often as we can. Boring story, yes.. :3


Edited, Dec 6th 2010 11:14pm by nanoshpi
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#49 Dec 06 2010 at 8:51 PM Rating: Excellent
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nanoshpi wrote:
When i met my Husband, he played ffxi and i wasn't really into games, and i got mad when i would come over and he'd ignore me because he's partying or what have you, then i picked it up one day (so i could at least spend sooome time with him xD ) and i fell in love with mmo's. Now we both play ffxiv as often as we can. Boring story, yes.. :3


Not boring at all. I wish this would happen with more relationships rather than hearing so many stories of people just getting mad. and *AHEM* it isn't just women complaining... Yes it's more common but still it isn't an inherent trait in women to get mad and itch about gaming. It always seems to be "my wife hates it so much".

For guys with wives or gfs who do, try handing the controls to them and see if they get hooked! I've had ex-BOYfriends who complained that I wasn't affectionate enough because I had more fun playing games than cuddling and being all couple-y.
#50 Dec 06 2010 at 8:59 PM Rating: Decent
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Solaine wrote:
Omg wait Buttsniffa.... I just noticed Shiva server..... I think I remember you.. I was Diafe.

I'll probably be getting on Bodhum server where mrhappytwo/lilhappy from shiva went as he's my high school friend.

And I don't live with my bf but I see him about twice a week. We make it work well though it's hard to see each other. Doesn't help that I'll be spending 4-5 months in Japan next year. But gaming doesn't keep us apart, brings us together. We just fight over who's better hahaha.



Haha, most certainly! I played that game all day every day lol. If you ever think about the Mysidia server, hit me up. Lord knows I can use some old school peeps to play with! That being said, I have no prob switching servers either since I rarely play with anybody as of yet. :/

Edited, Dec 6th 2010 10:01pm by Buttsniffa
#51 Dec 06 2010 at 9:01 PM Rating: Excellent
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Solaine wrote:
nanoshpi wrote:
When i met my Husband, he played ffxi and i wasn't really into games, and i got mad when i would come over and he'd ignore me because he's partying or what have you, then i picked it up one day (so i could at least spend sooome time with him xD ) and i fell in love with mmo's. Now we both play ffxiv as often as we can. Boring story, yes.. :3


Not boring at all. I wish this would happen with more relationships rather than hearing so many stories of people just getting mad. and *AHEM* it isn't just women complaining... Yes it's more common but still it isn't an inherent trait in women to get mad and itch about gaming. It always seems to be "my wife hates it so much".

For guys with wives or gfs who do, try handing the controls to them and see if they get hooked! I've had ex-BOYfriends who complained that I wasn't affectionate enough because I had more fun playing games than cuddling and being all couple-y.


I think it's just a long running stereotype that "gaming is a guy thing" like football, beer, and cars.

Yes, there are women who are into football, beer, and cars (and gaming) but statistically, they're much lower. I think that Blizzard said that 1/5 of WoW players are female.
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Mikhalia: only 5% or less of my posts are utter crap.
Tyapex: 393 posts of utter crap...
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