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Relationships + FFXIV = impossible to gauge?Follow

#52 Dec 06 2010 at 9:02 PM Rating: Good
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Mikhalia the Picky wrote:

Actually, it gets worse. Three years later, her father hit the Mega Millions jackpot and won 82 million.

Also a true story.

His daughter, Ashley, is the girl in question.


"Otherwise, he said, he plans to invest the money, set up family members in a real-estate venture, donate to charity and invest in the White Marsh New Age store, Mystickal Voyage, where he teaches classes on moon-magic, psychic-shielding and psychic-healing."

Wait, what?

Mikhalia the Picky wrote:

Yes, there are women who are into football, beer, and cars (and gaming) but statistically, they're much lower. I think that Blizzard said that 1/5 of WoW players are female.

And most of that 1/5 are of the more casual crowd who don't raid or PVP competitively.

Edited, Dec 6th 2010 10:06pm by Omena
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#53 Dec 06 2010 at 9:12 PM Rating: Excellent
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I have been married for over 7 years, i have been gaming ever since my father gifted me an Atari 2600, needless to say, waay before i met my wife. Gaming was always an issue in our relationship in the beginning. Meaning she hated it. However, in part i game because i like to have my time alone, which I require. The hardest thing i had to explain to my wife is that i require some "alone" time or time away from the real world. This caused issues because the second i informed my wife that i needed space it became an issue of "we were breaking up", which was not. I simply had to explain why i needed gaming, and eventually she understood it was my way of taking a break, and had nothing to do with me not wanting to be with her.

She still hates me gaming, if i do it for long periods of time, but i believe she understands. However, i make sure that anything that needs done and is done before i game. Additionally, i make sure that she gets to do the things she likes too, while i take care of our children.

In short, what i am trying to say is that if you like gaming, explain to your other half why you do it. Maybe your companion does not understand why you game so much, but they might understand you need time off from the real world.
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#54 Dec 06 2010 at 9:14 PM Rating: Excellent
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Well that's a shame! We should get more chicks to game! Since I tend to play a tank everyone assumes I'm a dude x.x

Funniest memory stemming from that: My LS's first time on TS. They heard the higher pitch voice and asked if I went through puberty yet or if i was like 8... Only like 3 of the members knew I was a girl until then haha.
#55 Dec 06 2010 at 9:16 PM Rating: Excellent
Omena wrote:
Mikhalia the Picky wrote:

Actually, it gets worse. Three years later, her father hit the Mega Millions jackpot and won 82 million.

Also a true story.

His daughter, Ashley, is the girl in question.


"Otherwise, he said, he plans to invest the money, set up family members in a real-estate venture, donate to charity and invest in the White Marsh New Age store, Mystickal Voyage, where he teaches classes on moon-magic, psychic-shielding and psychic-healing."

Wait, what?

Mikhalia the Picky wrote:

Yes, there are women who are into football, beer, and cars (and gaming) but statistically, they're much lower. I think that Blizzard said that 1/5 of WoW players are female.

And most of that 1/5 are of the more casual crowd who don't raid or PVP competitively.

Edited, Dec 6th 2010 10:06pm by Omena

As for WoW 1/5th of the paying subscribers may be female, BUT im 100% positive at least half those "females" are mothers paying for their son's account so i doubt its really 1 in 5 players are female
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#56 Dec 06 2010 at 9:20 PM Rating: Good
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Well my partner has nearly 10 level 80s in WoW so we understand each other nicely when it comes to gaming. You just have to find someone who does accept it. My son will probably be a gamer too in a year or two xD

Actually i've switched back to WoW until SE sort out this party SP issue so we can spend some more time together. She'd be playing this with me but her PC is pretty bad.
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#57 Dec 06 2010 at 9:22 PM Rating: Excellent
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Rexcaldur1 wrote:
I have been married for over 7 years, i have been gaming ever since my father gifted me an Atari 2600, needless to say, waay before i met my wife. Gaming was always an issue in our relationship in the beginning. Meaning she hated it. However, in part i game because i like to have my time alone, which I require. The hardest thing i had to explain to my wife is that i require some "alone" time or time away from the real world. This caused issues because the second i informed my wife that i needed space it became an issue of "we were breaking up", which was not. I simply had to explain why i needed gaming, and eventually she understood it was my way of taking a break, and had nothing to do with me not wanting to be with her.

She still hates me gaming, if i do it for long periods of time, but i believe she understands. However, i make sure that anything that needs done and is done before i game. Additionally, i make sure that she gets to do the things she likes too, while i take care of our children.

In short, what i am trying to say is that if you like gaming, explain to your other half why you do it. Maybe your companion does not understand why you game so much, but they might understand you need time off from the real world.


Great piece of advice. This could solve many of the issues regarding "you'd rather play the game than spend time with me". Maybe partners are simply misattributing a hobby or a need to escape reality for a while as needing to be away from them, a shot to their self-esteem.

Could be a jealousy issue? Though my bf once said "I'd only be happy if you got jealous over me because it shows you want me".
#58 Dec 06 2010 at 9:40 PM Rating: Excellent
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My ex-bf played WoW and I played FFXI. We did and didn't break up because of those games you might say. We just sort of didn't spend any time together because it was ether time for him to raid or I wanted to level.

We did 'try' and get into each others game's but it just didn't work (though we almost found a middle ground with Aion, till his raid pals demanded he come back) After that we broke up on good terms, we just didn't seem to make the time for one another...huh...thats kinda bumming me out now that I think of it.
#59 Dec 06 2010 at 9:55 PM Rating: Excellent
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That's a shame SideCH. Think it coulda been possible for you guys to work past it or was there literally no time to be together? I mean I make my bf play games while I do homework next to him and his company is enough... Though distracting. We still kinda consider it "time together".

Either way you have to calculate your satisfaction and commitment to the relationship (this theoretically works with any relationship, romantic or not):
The theory's equation is (Rewards) - (Costs) - (Comparison level aka comparison to standards) = Satisfaction
then....
Satisfaction - (Comparison level for alternatives aka other possible relationships) + (Investments) = Commitment

It may seem confusing but it basically means if you're satisfaction and investments into the relationship, material or abstract, are higher in value than the quality of alternatives, you'll be more inclined to stay in the relationship.

Whether this theory is helpful or not, I don't know - commitment kind of scares me right now so I don't think too much on it for my case. It's interesting to examine though.
#60 Dec 06 2010 at 10:08 PM Rating: Good
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My wife actually encourages me to play at times. Probably so she can watch some TV shows in peace (Real Housewives and such). Once it comes out on PS3, she'll be joining in and we'll level together (hence I'm avoiding the battlecraft stuff as much as possible now).
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#61 Dec 06 2010 at 10:18 PM Rating: Excellent
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Mikhalia the Picky wrote:
Obviously I wasn't expecting her, and I was not about to bail on a group at 1 PM EST and leave them without a WHM; they'd probably have broken up and I wasn't about to ***** five people over...

I replied, without missing a beat and without even looking away from the screen for a split second, quote: "Play this stupid game"...

Kinda hurt. She stormed out. I got level 67.


Oh man, where were party members like you when I played!? *grumble*
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#62 Dec 06 2010 at 10:26 PM Rating: Good
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Bottom line comes down to what would be worse...me going out whoring around town, being a raging drug addict with my money, neglecting real life responsibilities, etc. etc. or taking some time to immerse myself in a fantasy world where I craft leather and cloth objects out of squirrel droppings. Things could be worse.
#63 Dec 06 2010 at 10:27 PM Rating: Good
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KaneKitty wrote:
Mikhalia the Picky wrote:
Obviously I wasn't expecting her, and I was not about to bail on a group at 1 PM EST and leave them without a WHM; they'd probably have broken up and I wasn't about to ***** five people over...

I replied, without missing a beat and without even looking away from the screen for a split second, quote: "Play this stupid game"...

Kinda hurt. She stormed out. I got level 67.


Oh man, where were party members like you when I played!? *grumble*



For real, how many times I had someone say "Sorry guys, but my mom says I have to go do my homework now" killed my party that I waited for an hour. Send a tell anytime.
#64 Dec 06 2010 at 10:35 PM Rating: Excellent
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Man I stayed in one party for a full week once. Anytime anyone else afk'd I took the opportunity to shower or use the bathroom. Summer time, yay.
#65 Dec 06 2010 at 10:43 PM Rating: Good
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I kinda know what you mean Solaine by just being around each other was kind of like 'spending time together' but it just felt like being around the other while in our respective game was just a nuisance.

This may sound ridicules but its like we where part of different cultures. He had things he could talk about with his WoW friends that flew over my head when we went out and vise versa with my FFXI friends. Of course we learned a bit about each others game over time be just enough to not say anything completely stupid (unless its an argument over the use of the word 'toon'...)

The time we did spend together was great, and when we started Aion together it was fantastic. We started brand new in a game we both knew nothing about (equal ground) and it was fun discovering new things together. Though when he opted to stop in favor of just focusing on WoW it sort of really hurt my feelings.

At that point it sort of felt like he said "this is more important to me then you" and any satisfaction I was getting from the relationship sort of went out the door with that.
#66 Dec 06 2010 at 10:57 PM Rating: Excellent
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Yeah it's definitely and iffy balance. It's just a matter of when pursuing your own interests becomes a threat to the other person's self-esteem. People inherently feel a need to belong and feel a sense of increased self-esteem, among other things, so says social psychology. So your story is an example of how two gamers can hurt each other in the same way a gamer and non-gamer can. Thanks for sharing your story, I never really thought of this aspect of whether or not the gamers are playing the same game.
#67 Dec 06 2010 at 11:30 PM Rating: Excellent
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Omena wrote:
Mikhalia the Picky wrote:

Actually, it gets worse. Three years later, her father hit the Mega Millions jackpot and won 82 million.

Also a true story.

His daughter, Ashley, is the girl in question.


"Otherwise, he said, he plans to invest the money, set up family members in a real-estate venture, donate to charity and invest in the White Marsh New Age store, Mystickal Voyage, where he teaches classes on moon-magic, psychic-shielding and psychic-healing."

Wait, what?


Their entire family is Wiccan. Actually, of all things, her dad didn't like me because I was Christian. I mean, I'd not have been surprised if my Christian parents weren't thrilled about her being Wiccan (they didn't really care) but he hated me because of my religion. He was always a bit eccentric, too.

KaneKitty wrote:
Mikhalia the Picky wrote:
Obviously I wasn't expecting her, and I was not about to bail on a group at 1 PM EST and leave them without a WHM; they'd probably have broken up and I wasn't about to ***** five people over...

I replied, without missing a beat and without even looking away from the screen for a split second, quote: "Play this stupid game"...

Kinda hurt. She stormed out. I got level 67.


Oh man, where were party members like you when I played!? *grumble*


Solaine wrote:
Man I stayed in one party for a full week once. Anytime anyone else afk'd I took the opportunity to shower or use the bathroom. Summer time, yay.


My favorite party story was the time that I was in a group for 22 hours. Every 4-6 hours we had someone leave and replace them with someone else. I finally couldn't stay awake any longer and got a SAM to replace me, logged off where I stood, went to sleep. Woke up 8 hours later, logged on... they were still going and the SAM was about to log so I replaced him and got my spot back and went for another 18 hours.

That's one thing I'll probably never get from FFXIV, the marathon grind parties.
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#68 Dec 06 2010 at 11:50 PM Rating: Excellent
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Solaine wrote:
Yeah it's definitely and iffy balance. It's just a matter of when pursuing your own interests becomes a threat to the other person's self-esteem. People inherently feel a need to belong and feel a sense of increased self-esteem, among other things, so says social psychology. So your story is an example of how two gamers can hurt each other in the same way a gamer and non-gamer can. Thanks for sharing your story, I never really thought of this aspect of whether or not the gamers are playing the same game.


That's the only thing that causes a little rockyness for my fiancee and I.

I started FFXI years before I met her. I started WoW before her too. So in both games, whenever we played, I was always ahead and she was always playing catchup.

We were both really looking forward to FFXIV so that we could start together on equal footing and grow together. It's why I'm not a high level; she doesn't get home till 11 PM - midnight and I need to be at work at 10 AM, so we don't get to play during the week. We only play during the weekend, and the weekends can be busy so sometimes we don't get to play during that time either. Either way, I don't want to play alone and get ahead of her and leave her behind again.

That's one thing I really don't like about XIV compared to XI or WoW; on WoW, your characters are separate. On FFXI, your jobs are all separate (Merits apply across all jobs, but other than that, they are) so I could always set aside "this character" or "these jobs" to play with her and play on my own separately; I can't play FFXIV without her without affecting my physical level. I wish I could temporarily turn off my physical level and play another class or two, but I can't.

At any rate, she has said that if she ends up not liking XIV, she's going back to WoW, and I've said that I am definitely not going back to WoW for Cataclysm, so we would be playing different games if that happened.

For the brief period that she was playing WoW and I was playing FFXI, it kinda sucked. I mean, we both had played each game so we both knew each other's game; she simply didn't have the time for XI and I was bored of WoW.

So I have to say that a gamer couple that plays two games is not as bad as a gamer/non-gamer, but it's maybe like living with someone who roots for a different football team in the same division.
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#69 Dec 07 2010 at 12:38 AM Rating: Good
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UltKnightGrover wrote:
I don't even consider having a relationship with someone who isn't a gamer. Well, personal preference anyway.


Quoted for truth lol. My GF of 5 years plays UO still lol despite many efforts to get her to change.

The arguments and hassle from a non gamer is something I never want to repeat.
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#70 Dec 07 2010 at 12:44 AM Rating: Decent
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Girl friend not allowing you to play games? What the ****... Mine rather have me stay home and play games so I don't go out and spend money (Nightlife). Of course, you can't just sit in front of the computer for hours. You're gonna have to manage time between you and your g/f or otherwise she's gone.
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#71 Dec 07 2010 at 12:55 AM Rating: Good
I think my story sounds much worse then it really is. Perhaps i should have elaborated more.
My current GF thinks videogames make you stupid and has a whole rant about how they make you stupid.
She does not know that im a gamer, I've basically just not told her really, and go out of my way to hide my game systems ect when she comes over.

It's not as bad as it sounds though, she is in the Army. So 90% of my free time she is busy so it isnt a big deal.
She only spends the night once or twice a week, and when both our schedules are open to go out and do something is very rare so its not like effects me much.

like i said before im just in it for the "love" i meant the physical kind lol

Hope that clears things up
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#72 Dec 07 2010 at 1:14 AM Rating: Good
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I guess I'm lucky to be in the game industry because my boyfriend accepts that me playing or not a s a hobby is not "up for discussion."

I have to say that I sort of dug myself in a hole by making my character a highlander.

Whenever I'm running around in my manties on the field he looks over my shoulder and gives me that "MMhmm..."-look.

Btw how stupid it is that somebody thinks of video games as a destructive way to use time. What about movies, books and art! All the same to me. Frankly even though I visit art galleries weekly the paintings I see rarely evoke such strong feelings the empty landscapes of XI do. That's why video games are one of the most powerful forms of art to me.
#73 Dec 07 2010 at 1:53 AM Rating: Excellent
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Mikhalia the Picky wrote:
That's one thing I really don't like about XIV compared to XI or WoW; on WoW, your characters are separate. On FFXI, your jobs are all separate (Merits apply across all jobs, but other than that, they are) so I could always set aside "this character" or "these jobs" to play with her and play on my own separately; I can't play FFXIV without her without affecting my physical level. I wish I could temporarily turn off my physical level and play another class or two, but I can't.


I'm not sure why that would keep you from playing on your own, physical level really doesn't mean much at all in this game. All it is is basically the merit system from XI that you get from rank 1. It also has caps on it per rank, so it's not like you will be one-shotting things if you change to a lower ranked class.

To give an example, one of my friends is waiting for her boyfriend to play with us come PS3 launch. She still plays often and now has physical level 31. All she's done is set aside a few classes that she wants to play with him when he finally gets in game. Her physical level isn't really going to effect her ability to play with him at all. I also have a LS member who is physical level 50. She has no problems playing with the lower rank members who have a physical rank of 14. I have physical level 38 and save my lancer class (rank 12) to play with the lower members myself.

In that regard, I would say that it's exactly like XI where you can just set aside a class or two to play with her. She won't need to play catch up since your class rank is more important than your physical level.
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#74 Dec 07 2010 at 1:57 AM Rating: Good
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My significant other used to play MMO's himself, so he's very lenient when it comes to me enjoying the game myself. While my efforts to coax him onto FFXIV haven't met with any real success yet, I do have a 2nd character on my account that he started using pre-update. I think the UI lag put him off mostly.

Real life concerns prevent me from letting online games consume my life like it does so many others. I play a few hours here and there, but never any intense 'hardcore' levelling like some players do. I have a short attention span for such things and always worry if I leave my daughter unattended for too long (even though she's six and in the same house).

Sharing a bed, however, does make late night gaming a bit annoying for him as I tend to disturb him when trying to get to sleep after playing. This rarely happens these days, but it used to happen a lot during my FFXI days playing Dynamis. He was very understanding about it, but you can only annoy someone so much before it starts an argument.

Maybe my tale wouldn't have such a happy ending if I played as many hours as some of the more devout game players here, but relationships + MMO's do mix. You just have to find the right balance and always put family first.
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#75 Dec 07 2010 at 2:21 AM Rating: Good
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My wife hates gaming in any form and yet spends hours on farmville? Go figure.

I try to tie in my gaming time with her evening tv schedule, so we are both doing what we want.

Oddly I can't understand people watching tv for hours on end. I just fall asleep if my brain isnt engaged.
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#76 Dec 07 2010 at 3:13 AM Rating: Decent
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gaming is a guy thing the same way smoking weed is a guy thing. ie, it isn't. but its still an addiction. and thus its generally not helpful towards maintaining a healthy relationship.

if you're both gamers, that's a little different, and here's where the drug analogy ends. i've dated potheads. it doesn't work. the drug is a 3rd party in the relationship and hence impedes any actual growth/communication between the two people.

i've never dated a gamer. i've always wanted to. i've never met a girl gamer whom i'm attracted to. i also can't name any girls i know who are "gamers" ( the hot chick i know who likes to play tekken by mashing the controller buttons doesn't count. i still love playing with her. duh. )

i went to grad school for game design. i met zero (0) attractive women at school.

wtf, universe. throw me a ******* bone.


on the other hand.


i feel like if i dated a chick who loved FFXI for instance, we'd never do anything and we'd become boring and dull and soon the *** would go, etc etc ********** cetera.


yeah i'm jaded. what.
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#77 Dec 07 2010 at 3:27 AM Rating: Good
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My gf luvs cats.
I luv playing online games.

It's all good! 8)
#78 Dec 07 2010 at 3:44 AM Rating: Decent
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My girlfriend is not a gamer at all but she is very kind in letting me play when we are together (we can only see each other during the week-end) like in the morning with my coffe while she reads/having breakfast. However, she cannot stand me playing during the evenings, she finds it sad to be spending a saturday evening playing a game while we could be doing something else together which I think it's fine with me.
I used to be hardcore FFXI player spending all my free time on it but I now find myself enjoying because much more casual, specially on the week-ends.
I just think if we are committed to a relationship, that a game should be just secondary. It is just a game afterall!!! I spent years of FFXI ending up quiting and, in the end, it did gave me back anything in return except for some memories but they are less important than those I built with my partner.
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#79 Dec 07 2010 at 4:34 AM Rating: Default
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Hmmm relationships, personally if you both have that addiction thing then it might work out.

With me I got her in to it, XI was my first MMO and I tend to avoid games before it. I found it a great way of actually saving money and stopping me from going out and spending.

At the time things were good but towards the end she started to get grumpy because the things I was doing like Sky at the time were high level end game stuff.

At the end, I remember it well as do a few others. Things had been patchy, she lived with me, I went to do the 1st COP Diabolos fight.

We lost, I was fedup big time and my LS at the time remember me saying " right thats it im ****** BRB kicking the GF out".

Now although everyone thinks it was because we LOST the fight it was actually she had done my head in. Plus losing the fight did actually P me off lol.

So not only did the LS never see her again, I also only saw her twice after that night. And as of that day which was about 4 years ago I believe I will never play a online game with a GF. And to be honest, I could live without MMOs and games and (dont want to sound evil) but I couldnt get with some one who was a woman version of me or worse and played too many games or MMO's etc. The few women I do know who play MMOs have not been attractive or nice lol sorry but its true.
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#80 Dec 07 2010 at 4:53 AM Rating: Default
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There is no /rape emote unfortunately.
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#81 Dec 07 2010 at 7:38 AM Rating: Good
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No issues at all. The only current issue is that we only have one PC, her laptop wont run XIV, so she's currently not playing.

I met my lady on a Halo / Bungie based IRC room and started having dates on Halo 2. So... It's all good :P
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#82 Dec 07 2010 at 7:46 AM Rating: Decent
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My wife and I have been married for 6 years. We have a daughter who is 4 and I still get time to play my games. She understands that I need my "Me Time".I tell her tolet me know when she wants to do something. We still enjoy going out as a family and have no problems with me gaming. I have even convinced her to get my current computer upgraded to play this game before it came out.lol Now my goal is to get a whole new computer before the end of the year.
#83 Dec 07 2010 at 8:06 AM Rating: Decent
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i've never had a serious issue with relationships and gaming. when i was dating it was easy enough, don't bring... my gameboy... on the date o.O (even tho if i had to go to the mall, fair warning, im bringing my gameboy). when i was living with my girlfriend, i'd play ffxi after she slept or while she was reading at night or in the day when we just didn't feel like talking... not gonna gaze in her eyes all day XD. wasn't too hard "i want to go out, later" "all right, i'll find a replacement for me, give me 30 min.".
now that i am married, it's pretty much the same as previous example. i don't have kids yet... but so far, haven't really noticed a problem. altho, after considering my lvl/ranks you might decide it's not worth it lol. makes me a casual gamer, which i like... i don't want to cry when i finally hit the unsubscribe button.
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#84 Dec 07 2010 at 8:10 AM Rating: Excellent
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Whatever you do, don't try to hide your gaming addiction from your gf/bf.
I've noticed few relationships gone sunder just because of this :D
#85 Dec 07 2010 at 8:15 AM Rating: Good
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GoldenArrow wrote:
Whatever you do, don't try to hide your gaming addiction from your gf/bf.
I've noticed few relationships gone sunder just because of this :D



hide?! lol i can imagine the implications but the discovery seems a little untheatrical.

the girlfriend goes to catch that cheating ******* red handed, she swings open the door. dark room with dimly lit candles and a meal for two... no wait.... dimly lit tv... two tv dinners... there he sat playing... FFXIV D: nooooooooooooooooooooooo!
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#86 Dec 07 2010 at 8:28 AM Rating: Excellent
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Wow - lots of posts last night, gotta head to class soon but quick catch up :)

Thanks for all the great input, and it is a tough balance to achieve. As for playing catchup, I'll be doing the same thing for my bf where I'll lvl certain classes with him and others or crafts when I have more free time than him (again he works full time, all year and I'm an undergrad student). Really hoping for that PS3 release to be pushed before my spring break (about 2 or 3 weeks earlier than the current placeholder date).

Llester, good point, I wouldn't date a pothead myself. But as I find I mean more gamers than not, I'm fine with gamers. Current bf isn't quite as addicted as I am so he only gets annoyed that I introduce him to games that now he really wants to buy. Man he's gonna hate me over break...

Lonix, thanks for your perspective haha though to be fair I know a few girl gamers seen as attractive by my friends and what not. I obviously don't like that stereotype as a girl myself but hey maybe you just have super high standards for hot or something XP. Though my boyfriend thinks I'm attractive obviously, he has mentioned the possibility of me dressing in a hotter or sexier way, so I guess part of my tomboy style (generally jeans and a tee, nothing special) half comes from my tendency for sports or outdoor activities and half from not caring because the rest of my time is inside gaming, while my button mashing, non-gamer friend walks around all year in booty shorts and tight shirts until she has a boyfriend, then it's basketball shorts and a sweatshirt.

Guess I caught my guy's eye while cosplaying Revy from Black Lagoon at a convention....

As for all the posts about what you personally do to keep things happy and fair, sounds like you have things fairly smooth-going, definitely taking some of your methods to keep my relationship steady! ^_^
#87 Dec 07 2010 at 9:20 AM Rating: Excellent
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11,539 posts
Llester wrote:
i've never dated a gamer. i've always wanted to. i've never met a girl gamer whom i'm attracted to. i also can't name any girls i know who are "gamers" ( the hot chick i know who likes to play tekken by mashing the controller buttons doesn't count. i still love playing with her. duh. )

i went to grad school for game design. i met zero (0) attractive women at school.

wtf, universe. throw me a @#%^ing bone.


on the other hand.


i feel like if i dated a chick who loved FFXI for instance, we'd never do anything and we'd become boring and dull and soon the *** would go, etc etc et-@#%^ing cetera.


yeah i'm jaded. what.


Looks aren't everything. Life is like a hot bath; enjoy it while you're there, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get. On your 50th anniversary, the happiness you've brought each other is a lot more important than looks. I'm not saying you -can't- get looks and personality in the same package, but if you had to pick one and only one, I'd sacrifice the looks when it came to finding a wife.

And I really haven't had any problems with being boring or the *** going. Life is good and so is the ***. And she's a gamer. So, it can happen.

My sin? I met her on MySpace, some 3 or 4 years ago. I committed myself to the notion that since I wasn't the type of person who enjoyed "going out", that I wouldn't find my dream girl by "going out" and looking for them in bars, clubs, etc. I stayed at home and met people online instead. Never paid for an online dating site, either, although I've tried plenty of free ones. If you don't mind meeting people online, social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook are a good way to screen people; looking at their pages, you can get a good idea of what they're into, how they type, how they think, how they act, what causes them to overreact... Blog sites are good too, if you can read someone's blog entries.

Think about it, would you rather go on a blind date with someone you know nothing about and find their skeletons later, or find their skeletons before you meet them and be able to save yourself the $50 on a dinner that isn't going to lead anywhere?

Research. It works for MMORPGs and it works for dating :)
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#88 Dec 07 2010 at 9:23 AM Rating: Excellent
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178 posts
Quote:


This issue may be related to "gaming" (or hardcore gaming) still not being mainstream as we may think. Forget women; even certain politicians and ministers think gamers are either immature teens, or psychopathic, violent individuals with the tendency to kill prostitutes. I won't be surprised if some females share the same sentiment just by watching the media alone.



I don't mean to sound disrespectful or condescending (but rather speaking from the perspective of someone who used to be a hardcore gamer)there is good reason why hardcore gaming is and should not be accepted by mainstream society. Lives can be ruined, and people who become too absorbed in the games become disillusioned in thinking "as long as I'm happy with it nothing else matters". I recently attended a seminar at an APMHA conference and sat through a presentation about gaming addiction, which is gaining a lot of traction in the medical community. It was one of the most illuminating two hour lectures I have ever sat through, as the speaker was a respected physician in his field, who like myself went through the pains of gaming addiction and reformed. Now, i'm not condemning any hardcore gamers out there, because I know the thrill and happiness gaming can bring to ones life (in fact 5 years ago I would probably scoff at a post like this in any forum), but specifically for those who realize that gaming is having a negative impact on their lives and wish to reform.. it's a really tough road and you have to treat it like you would any form of addiction.

Now to the point of the OP. Relationships can definitely benefit from gaming as long as both parties are comfortable with the time invested. There definitely has to be mutual acceptance of this lifestyle in order for it to work. And if you are lucky enough to have a partner who shares in this "hobby" it can really raise the relationship to new levels, as long as both people know the limits of their investment. In fact, having a significant other who shares your passion may actually benefit hardcore gamers since they are not completely isolated, and any happiness they gain from the game can manifest into a happier relationship irl. Personally, i have had gaming ruin two relationships in the past, but also help make another the best i've ever experienced. The last one being the one i'm currently in and the only reason its working for me is because i let my gf know about my history with games and she knows and understands exactly where I'm coming from, so the two of us help each other keep in check. We game in moderation - and have a lot of fun doing it - but keep life as a priority and so far it has worked wonderfully.



#89 Dec 07 2010 at 9:32 AM Rating: Good
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1,673 posts
My wife knows I play games. She doesn't have an issue with it. She doesn't play FFXIV but she plays facebook games and other things. I specifically built our desk so we could sit together and talk even if we aren't playing the same game. Will probably get her the The Sims 3 for Christmas since she loves The Sims.

Screenshot

Mines the one on the left.
#90 Dec 07 2010 at 9:43 AM Rating: Good
49 posts
Geffe the Meaningless wrote:
My wife knows I play games. She doesn't have an issue with it. She doesn't play FFXIV but she plays facebook games and other things. I specifically built our desk so we could sit together and talk even if we aren't playing the same game. Will probably get her the The Sims 3 for Christmas since she loves The Sims.

[img=174203]

Mines the one on the left.


Aww, how cute. 8)
#91 Dec 07 2010 at 9:54 AM Rating: Excellent
*****
11,539 posts
Geffe the Meaningless wrote:
My wife knows I play games. She doesn't have an issue with it. She doesn't play FFXIV but she plays facebook games and other things. I specifically built our desk so we could sit together and talk even if we aren't playing the same game. Will probably get her the The Sims 3 for Christmas since she loves The Sims.

Screenshot

Mines the one on the left.


That's awesome, man. The way my computer room is set up, we have our desks apart and a TV between them.
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#92 Dec 07 2010 at 10:00 AM Rating: Good
Sage
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116 posts
Final Fantasy MMO's have destroyed my marriage.

Lucky for me that i'm married to my right hand and we have a pre-nup.
#93 Dec 07 2010 at 10:03 AM Rating: Good
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1,673 posts
Mikhalia the Picky wrote:
That's awesome, man. The way my computer room is set up, we have our desks apart and a TV between them.


All the credit goes to Ikea.
#94 Dec 07 2010 at 10:13 AM Rating: Good
*
178 posts
Geffe the Meaningless wrote:
My wife knows I play games. She doesn't have an issue with it. She doesn't play FFXIV but she plays facebook games and other things. I specifically built our desk so we could sit together and talk even if we aren't playing the same game. Will probably get her the The Sims 3 for Christmas since she loves The Sims.

[img=174203]

Mines the one on the left.


ikea ftw!

edit: haha beat me to it. I'm assuming thats the Galant set? =P



Edited, Dec 7th 2010 11:18am by lightacadi
#95 Dec 07 2010 at 10:16 AM Rating: Excellent
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Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen
Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men
Everyone has a home
But if you don't have a home you can buy one there
____________________________


#96 Dec 07 2010 at 10:56 AM Rating: Excellent
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473 posts
Personally my fiancée and I love our own space. She is a junkie for medical documentaries and I have a mortal feel of the blade so to speak. She is not a video game player but appreciates their merit. I am the first "real gamer" she's been with according to her words(dunno what is exactly means). However, she says out of the guy types she's dated I'm the most thoughtful and imaginative, and she believes it comes from my gaming background.


We have our own lives which we together have chosen to spend together. I game and she watches tv because we both enjoy these activities. She asks how my game or party, or instances, or NM, or mission is going. I ask about her shows we talk and we communicate to each other. We have once or twice a week no game and no tv nights, and just focus other things as well. Because too much of a good thing also isn't healthy.

She is proud of my gaming and sees it as a real plus, she just isn't overly interested in my games but loves her wii.

So guys and gals, be with the person who you accept and they accept you. never in any relationship should you be someone or something you're clearly not. As well do not have that same expectation of your partner as well.

#97 Dec 07 2010 at 11:31 AM Rating: Good
Edited by bsphil
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21,739 posts
UltKnightGrover wrote:
I don't even consider having a relationship with someone who isn't a gamer. Well, personal preference anyway.
This is really the way to go.
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Almalieque wrote:
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Take the hint guys, please take the hint.
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I'm not getting my news from anywhere Joph.
#98 Dec 07 2010 at 11:50 AM Rating: Good
29 posts
Well this is my first post so please bare in mind I can't spell punctuation and such I really don't care about lol.

Both my better half and I play. We still run 2 event shells and a social shell in XI on top of doing XIV. Atm we can't play XIV at the same time so I play while hes at work then when he gets its his turn to play. (This is until the PS3 release.) I met him in XI. And as far as gaming being an issue goes, that only happens when one or the other isn't playing at the same time lol. (Given thats with XI, with XIV I watch TV make dinner and such while he plays.)
I have had other relationships, 1 with a gamer and 1 without, Both had very different views. Both felt I played to much but for different reasons. The nongamer had issues in his own right and I got really stressed and dove right in to escape. The gamer didn't understand why I played and tbh we both had issues with each other that caused the gaming to be too much.

My current better half is awesome about it though. Since he plays just as much as I do lol, and when we are on together we do stuff together.

One thing I have run into as a gamer is that my family doesn't understand it. My dad does play but not the same type of games. My mom and sister both do not play at all. So talking to them about it is like trying to explain myself and getting nowhere lol. Mom excepts it and trys to understand but I try not to say anything about it for the most part. Any thoughts on Family issues with gaming? I see alot talking about the relationships but never about how it effects family life.
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#99 Dec 07 2010 at 11:56 AM Rating: Excellent
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1,673 posts
Kindredsouls wrote:
One thing I have run into as a gamer is that my family doesn't understand it. My dad does play but not the same type of games. My mom and sister both do not play at all. So talking to them about it is like trying to explain myself and getting nowhere lol. Mom excepts it and trys to understand but I try not to say anything about it for the most part. Any thoughts on Family issues with gaming? I see alot talking about the relationships but never about how it effects family life.


I have a son who is almost 3. I wait until he goes to bed before I get on. My dad is almost 60 and plays WOW. I almost joined his server just so I can spend some time with him, even if its online. Games are my hobby just like anyone else has a hobby. It's what I like to do to relax or escape.
#100 Dec 07 2010 at 11:56 AM Rating: Decent
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991 posts
Kindredsouls wrote:
Well this is my first post so please bare in mind I can't spell punctuation and such I really don't care about lol.

Both my better half and I play. We still run 2 event shells and a social shell in XI on top of doing XIV. Atm we can't play XIV at the same time so I play while hes at work then when he gets its his turn to play. (This is until the PS3 release.) I met him in XI. And as far as gaming being an issue goes, that only happens when one or the other isn't playing at the same time lol. (Given thats with XI, with XIV I watch TV make dinner and such while he plays.)
I have had other relationships, 1 with a gamer and 1 without, Both had very different views. Both felt I played to much but for different reasons. The nongamer had issues in his own right and I got really stressed and dove right in to escape. The gamer didn't understand why I played and tbh we both had issues with each other that caused the gaming to be too much.

My current better half is awesome about it though. Since he plays just as much as I do lol, and when we are on together we do stuff together.

One thing I have run into as a gamer is that my family doesn't understand it. My dad does play but not the same type of games. My mom and sister both do not play at all. So talking to them about it is like trying to explain myself and getting nowhere lol. Mom excepts it and trys to understand but I try not to say anything about it for the most part. Any thoughts on Family issues with gaming? I see alot talking about the relationships but never about how it effects family life.



Yeah ive seen ALOT more family issues with gaming then relationship issues
since you can choose a gf/bf but not your family

my uncle is into gaming, he understands, but everyone else thinks im wasting time, and that im on the computer too much etc etc i need to go do more. i dont think anyone who has never really played can understand.
yet its ok for people to be so obsessed with baseball/football that they spend every waking minute on it, but "that" is healthy.
____________________________


#101 Dec 07 2010 at 12:03 PM Rating: Excellent
*****
11,539 posts
Vedis wrote:
Kindredsouls wrote:
Well this is my first post so please bare in mind I can't spell punctuation and such I really don't care about lol.

Both my better half and I play. We still run 2 event shells and a social shell in XI on top of doing XIV. Atm we can't play XIV at the same time so I play while hes at work then when he gets its his turn to play. (This is until the PS3 release.) I met him in XI. And as far as gaming being an issue goes, that only happens when one or the other isn't playing at the same time lol. (Given thats with XI, with XIV I watch TV make dinner and such while he plays.)
I have had other relationships, 1 with a gamer and 1 without, Both had very different views. Both felt I played to much but for different reasons. The nongamer had issues in his own right and I got really stressed and dove right in to escape. The gamer didn't understand why I played and tbh we both had issues with each other that caused the gaming to be too much.

My current better half is awesome about it though. Since he plays just as much as I do lol, and when we are on together we do stuff together.

One thing I have run into as a gamer is that my family doesn't understand it. My dad does play but not the same type of games. My mom and sister both do not play at all. So talking to them about it is like trying to explain myself and getting nowhere lol. Mom excepts it and trys to understand but I try not to say anything about it for the most part. Any thoughts on Family issues with gaming? I see alot talking about the relationships but never about how it effects family life.



Yeah ive seen ALOT more family issues with gaming then relationship issues
since you can choose a gf/bf but not your family

my uncle is into gaming, he understands, but everyone else thinks im wasting time, and that im on the computer too much etc etc i need to go do more. i dont think anyone who has never really played can understand.
yet its ok for people to be so obsessed with baseball/football that they spend every waking minute on it, but "that" is healthy.


Yeah, I've always questioned how the same people who think that gaming is weird and a waste of time are the same people who would happily throw away at least as many hours watching TV. I don't see how watching 5 hours a day of TV is worse than 5 hours a day of gaming.
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