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(My) Kids playing FFXIV, or is 9 too young?Follow

#27 Aug 22 2013 at 8:14 PM Rating: Excellent
I thank you all for your replies and I'm very grateful to find very heartfelt words being shared.

I've thought this over after reading every word in all of these replies and I'd like to share what I've found. Normally I glaze over threads (sorry...) and pull out the key points but this is a topic that is very near and dear to me. As a child her age I was playing video games near constantly. Games back then weren't what they are now. The gamer side of me is all for it. The parental side of me is on the fence.

My relationship with her has always been very open and positive. Any time someone at school has talked about 'something dirty' she's always come to me first and foremost and asked me about what they said, why they said it, what it means, and is it a good or bad thing? In return, I made her the promise that if she is old enough to ask the questions she is old enough to receive adult answers. Now of course I don't go divulging every detail about everything, and she knows that (we talked about it). She's happy she can come to someone and ask ANYTHING, and she appreciates that, unlike a lot of other adults in her life, she isn't given 'little kid answers'.

Discipline has never been an issue. She does what I ask, perhaps not timely in all cases such as cleaning rooms, but she does it and I'm confident after talking to her that she understands my reasons or at least understands that she may not really know why I'm asking something, but that it's important and she needs to do it. So when I tell her that she can only play XIV with me when I'm on I trust that she will do just that. I'm also of the type that if I'm in a linkshell or FC, I myself don't have a tolerance for extreme foul language or topics even when it's just me, let alone my kid. So I feel like that situation will be handled well.

Where the blurred line comes in is reigning us in. I'll play all night long. I'll play for 18 hours if I'm off. I know it. I don't because I recognize my tenancy to do that, but I've still done it from time to time. How can I trust myself to reign her in? I feel like if her and I play together and she really takes to it, I can see us setting out to do big things all the time and not going to bed and making adventuring an excuse. She'll go right along with it.

Then there's the problem of exposing her addiction. If she becomes addicted and grows beyond me game-wise, that'll obviously be bad, too.

So at the end of the day I've asked myself this after carefully reading all of your replies:

Do I trust her? Yes.
Do I trust myself to set rules towards playing with only me? Yes.
Do I trust myself to set strict time guidelines? No.
Do I trust myself to not become addicted and fueling an addiction for her? No.

So then comes the question, "How do I come to trust myself with setting and adhering to time guidelines and addiction prevention?"

I don't honestly know. If I set time restrictions on her, I will have to follow it myself and I don't really want to do that. If I try to throttle her, I'll again have to do the same for me.

Do I want to share my love for FFXI/XIV that much? Yes. How can I have the best of both worlds? I don't know.
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#28 Aug 22 2013 at 8:21 PM Rating: Good
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darexius2010 wrote:
I thank you all for your replies and I'm very grateful to find very heartfelt words being shared.

I've thought this over after reading every word in all of these replies and I'd like to share what I've found. Normally I glaze over threads (sorry...) and pull out the key points but this is a topic that is very near and dear to me. As a child her age I was playing video games near constantly. Games back then weren't what they are now. The gamer side of me is all for it. The parental side of me is on the fence.

My relationship with her has always been very open and positive. Any time someone at school has talked about 'something dirty' she's always come to me first and foremost and asked me about what they said, why they said it, what it means, and is it a good or bad thing? In return, I made her the promise that if she is old enough to ask the questions she is old enough to receive adult answers. Now of course I don't go divulging every detail about everything, and she knows that (we talked about it). She's happy she can come to someone and ask ANYTHING, and she appreciates that, unlike a lot of other adults in her life, she isn't given 'little kid answers'.

Discipline has never been an issue. She does what I ask, perhaps not timely in all cases such as cleaning rooms, but she does it and I'm confident after talking to her that she understands my reasons or at least understands that she may not really know why I'm asking something, but that it's important and she needs to do it. So when I tell her that she can only play XIV with me when I'm on I trust that she will do just that. I'm also of the type that if I'm in a linkshell or FC, I myself don't have a tolerance for extreme foul language or topics even when it's just me, let alone my kid. So I feel like that situation will be handled well.

Where the blurred line comes in is reigning us in. I'll play all night long. I'll play for 18 hours if I'm off. I know it. I don't because I recognize my tenancy to do that, but I've still done it from time to time. How can I trust myself to reign her in? I feel like if her and I play together and she really takes to it, I can see us setting out to do big things all the time and not going to bed and making adventuring an excuse. She'll go right along with it.

Then there's the problem of exposing her addiction. If she becomes addicted and grows beyond me game-wise, that'll obviously be bad, too.

So at the end of the day I've asked myself this after carefully reading all of your replies:

Do I trust her? Yes.
Do I trust myself to set rules towards playing with only me? Yes.
Do I trust myself to set strict time guidelines? No.
Do I trust myself to not become addicted and fueling an addiction for her? No.

So then comes the question, "How do I come to trust myself with setting and adhering to time guidelines and addiction prevention?"

I don't honestly know. If I set time restrictions on her, I will have to follow it myself and I don't really want to do that. If I try to throttle her, I'll again have to do the same for me.

Do I want to share my love for FFXI/XIV that much? Yes. How can I have the best of both worlds? I don't know.


Have tried some self restraint. I know I ahve gamed for 18hrs before too. Its hard but maybe having her around will make you get off. I hope you find a way to enjoy the things you do with your daughter. Few parents these days enjoy sharing there own hobbies with their children.
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#29 Aug 22 2013 at 8:31 PM Rating: Excellent
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I don't know if you are playing on PS3? Are you playing with your kids? I have a couple of suggestions that might help you. My 7 year old daughter was leveling up by herself with a kid-friendly controller setup.

Character Configuration > R1 over to the tab that says "Cross":
- Set the Cross Hotbar Controls to "Toggle"
- Set the Crossbar display type to "D-pad + D-pad/ Buttons +Buttons"

I told my daughter that pressing R2 would put her in Battle Mode. With the D-pad + D-pad, and the cross-bar toggle "ON" the D-pad shows up on the same side of the screen as it does on your controller.

On the D-pad I set Left Target and Right Target to these, which can be found under, Actions and Traits > General:

Screenshot


These can be added to your Cross-bar. You can also make a User Macro for Nearest Enemy:

To do this, go to System Menu >User Macros. Then select any of the empty slots, select an Icon for your macro and type in /targetenemy

Screenshot


Now just go to your cross-bar and set that User Macro to one of the slots.

Screenshot


Now you have Nearest Enemy, Next Enemy and Last Enemy, as easy to use buttons on your D-pad Cross Bar. Over on the Button side, I just put another copy of the Nearest Enemy Macro for "X" and then the first three class Abilities actually auto-fill the other buttons as they are learned while leveling up.

So R2 is Battle Mode and press it again for Town Mode. That's how I put it and she was off and running.

Finally, if you wan to play with your kid and help, I suggest a Mouse and Keyboard as well as the Controller. You can actually use the Mouse to point the way on screen - which is far betting than trying to describe it out loud. You can give some timely assists if you want as well. ;)

#30 Aug 22 2013 at 8:40 PM Rating: Decent
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darexius2010 wrote:
Do I trust myself to set strict time guidelines? No.
Do I trust myself to not become addicted and fueling an addiction for her? No.


Nuff said, don't let her near it.
#31 Aug 22 2013 at 8:47 PM Rating: Good
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Gnu wrote:
I don't know if you are playing on PS3? Are you playing with your kids? I have a couple of suggestions that might help you. My 7 year old daughter was leveling up by herself with a kid-friendly controller setup.

Character Configuration > R1 over to the tab that says "Cross":
- Set the Cross Hotbar Controls to "Toggle"
- Set the Crossbar display type to "D-pad + D-pad/ Buttons +Buttons"

I told my daughter that pressing R2 would put her in Battle Mode. With the D-pad + D-pad, and the cross-bar toggle "ON" the D-pad shows up on the same side of the screen as it does on your controller.

On the D-pad I set Left Target and Right Target to these, which can be found under, Actions and Traits > General:

[img=241697]

These can be added to your Cross-bar. You can also make a User Macro for Nearest Enemy:

To do this, go to System Menu >User Macros. Then select any of the empty slots, select an Icon for your macro and type in /targetenemy

[img=239914]

Now just go to your cross-bar and set that User Macro to one of the slots.

[img=239915]

Now you have Nearest Enemy, Next Enemy and Last Enemy, as easy to use buttons on your D-pad Cross Bar. Over on the Button side, I just put another copy of the Nearest Enemy Macro for "X" and then the first three class Abilities actually auto-fill the other buttons as they are learned while leveling up.

So R2 is Battle Mode and press it again for Town Mode. That's how I put it and she was off and running.

Finally, if you wan to play with your kid and help, I suggest a Mouse and Keyboard as well as the Controller. You can actually use the Mouse to point the way on screen - which is far betting than trying to describe it out loud. You can give some timely assists if you want as well. ;)


I must say I may use this for myself as well. Some that can be useful for me. Thanks
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#32 Aug 22 2013 at 8:48 PM Rating: Good
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Personally with the semi-vague allusions to ***/genitals and cursing in the story itself I'd be worried about that, on top of the community itself. Some of it could fly over her head, sure, but it depends on what you feel she could be exposed to.
#33 Aug 22 2013 at 8:58 PM Rating: Excellent
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In my non-parental opinion, at age 9 she should be playing Final Fantasy console games like we all did at that age. The on-line world, which yes, can be great, is also a cesspool. I wouldn't allow her online til she's older.

signed /budding helicopter dad
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#34 Aug 22 2013 at 9:24 PM Rating: Good
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Notwithstanding that a 9 year old could play this game successfully, and notwithstanding proper parental controls to ensure that MMO addiction doesn't take hold (good luck with that, I'm hooked)

This game is too **** for a 9 year old IMO. At least my female character is.
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#35 Aug 22 2013 at 9:35 PM Rating: Default
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Your kid doesn't belong on this game. They're too young, and most young kids are annoying. They should be worrying about school and playing outside with kids. Keep your kid off games until they're old enough to understand not-having-a-life.
#36 Aug 22 2013 at 9:58 PM Rating: Good
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I would like to start by saying what an interesting and articulate thread thank you all!

The debate about letting your kids play Video games, what you should restrict etc has been raging in my head since my kids were born. I have two young children and both enjoy playing video games on iPad, iPhones, Galaxy tabs, PC, Wii and PS3. They have grown up watching me play XI and XIV. When my youngest was a little baby I used to rock him to sleep with my foot while I was sitting playing the game (remember the hours of no sleep when they are teething in the middle of the night anyone?). Most if not all of us on these forums are gamers, why else would we be reading these forums right? So we are coming from a skewed perspective, mostly pro-gaming, but equally many of us are parents too admittedly in the minority but I don't have the figures to back this up.

I am currently having the issue of how long I should allow my children to play video games of every sort. My oldest is into gymnastics, sports, music and is very active and they moderate themselves pretty well but my youngest will spend time playing on their games even when on play dates etc while at home and I am starting to get worried about the social aspects. Now I'm not going to go into personal stuff too much on a forum but there are other factors involved here regarding the social aspect of my child.

As I have been playing MMO's since they were both born they have always taken an interest in my character and the game. It started with my oldest wanting me to get my character to /wave to them which was cute but now it's 'Can I play that character' and I have let them run around on a chocobo or fight a beetle (always supervised). Neither are of the age to read fluently so I am not worried about the chat log...yet.

In my humble opinion I do believe that kids are a product of their environment and if that environment exposes them to things that are new it doesn't necessarily mean something will go wrong with their nurturing. I agree with the posters above that say supervision is important and don't believe chat (voice or chatlogs) are a good thing because of the maturity level required to handle them but I don't have a problem with a moderated approach to letting your child play.

If I was in your shoes, based on what you have told us, I would let my 9 year old friends daughter play FFXIV but only supervised and I would put time limits on what they play, negotiating another activity for the time they get to spend on the game e.g. you can play for one hour and then we'll go bowling/swimming/<insert activity>. This, I believe, gives them some responsibility which is important for their development and teaches them that there are so many wonderful things that you can do that don't all involve sedantry activities such as watching TV or PC/console gaming.
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#37 Aug 22 2013 at 10:01 PM Rating: Good
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Some of the text from NPCs is a bit too mature.

For instance... one NPC told me about how he heated his Rivets. If he didn't use the ash of fire elementals, they would get as cold as a dead (insert naughty word for 'woman of the night')'s crotch.

This and more, only in FFXIV!
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#38 Aug 22 2013 at 10:02 PM Rating: Excellent
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I do actually think that the FF sprite games might be a better place for a nine year old. They're at just the magic age for them, too. Many are available on PSN or Nintendo DS.

Tell your kids they can get to 14 once they've knocked out 1-13, in chronological order, as well as the sequels AND tactics. By the time they get around to FFXI they'll be either bored with it or 13 years old, at which point they can play either online game unsupervised.

Edited, Aug 23rd 2013 12:02am by Catwho
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#39 Aug 22 2013 at 10:04 PM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
disable chat if you feel like it might not be suited for them


Filtering shout is a must for children that young.
#40 Aug 22 2013 at 10:05 PM Rating: Good
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EdyNOTB wrote:
I

If I was in your shoes, based on what you have told us, I would let my 9 year old friends daughter play FFXIV but only supervised and I would put time limits on what they play, negotiating another activity for the time they get to spend on the game e.g. you can play for one hour and then we'll go bowling/swimming/<insert activity>. This, I believe, gives them some responsibility which is important for their development and teaches them that there are so many wonderful things that you can do that don't all involve sedantry activities such as watching TV or PC/console gaming.


This right here! I may not be parent. But mother who raised me and my brothers (along with my father, both are together) who also has a degree in Early Childhood Education mention something of this sorts. Allow your child to make the choice in away. "You can play this game but then you must, give set of activities." It makes them feel more in control but still your in control.

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#41 Aug 22 2013 at 10:10 PM Rating: Decent
EdyNOTB wrote:
Most if not all of us on these forums are gamers, why else would we be reading these forums right? So we are coming from a skewed perspective, mostly pro-gaming, but equally many of us are parents too admittedly in the minority but I don't have the figures to back this up.

Now I'm not going to go into personal stuff too much on a forum but there are other factors involved here regarding the social aspect of my child.


This right here accurately describes my own dilemma. While I'm not nor would I ever ask anyone to divulge private information on a public forum, I'll share with you all that I have aspergers syndrome. tl;dr, I have a propensity towards being solitary. Age has taught me that people tend to be self-serving, but this is a debate for another time. That all being said, I prefer to spend my time indoors. On a game. Where I can ignore people I don't want to talk to yet still have a semblance of socialism. Yada yada.

She isn't like that. She loves physical exercise. She swims, participates in gymnastics, etc.

I suppose what I'm getting at is, yes, I agree, my view will be very skewed regardless of the outcome. Lest one side says, "No, she is just plain too young to really dive into the game mechanically, narratively, and socially", and, "If I supervise her she'll be alright".

I feel it best, with the input given here, that I don't go purchasing an additional copy so we can play at the same time. I will head all of this information for the time when she IS old enough and has a better grasp at things discussed online with anonymity, but until then she can just make a toon on my account and play for an hour a day or so. If she really takes to it and in order to play myself I need to get her her own account, then I know that she'll be restricted on time and only be allowed to buddy with me.

I'm not worried about her education -- She's in a gifted studies program and doing really well. She's athletic enough that I don't believe she'll sit down and play for hours upon hours. During the time that this thread has been open I put that idea to the test by sitting her in front of the Playstation with a game I know she likes such as LittleBigPlanet and she played for half an hour and went to draw something.

I'll have to work on the self-confidence in allocating those times and sticking to them for her as well as setting that good example. Who knows?
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#42 Aug 22 2013 at 10:12 PM Rating: Good
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Honestly? 9 is way too young for any MMO. Even if you could get rid of the chat box, you wouldn't even be able to play the game. Communication is just as important as playing the game itself.
#43 Aug 22 2013 at 10:22 PM Rating: Decent
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Not to sound like a parrot since everyone else has said it but 9 is way too young for a mmo. But with that said every child is different some kids might be able to handle it you're the parent so you're the best judge of that. At any rate if you do allow it I would highly recomment monitoring while your kid plays it. Not only for its addictive nature but the fact that mmo communities largely go unchecked and uncensored and she'll be exposed to things that you probably wouldnt appreciate.
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#44 Aug 22 2013 at 10:25 PM Rating: Good
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this is the best 9 year old ever.
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#45 Aug 22 2013 at 10:28 PM Rating: Good
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My kids are 9 and 8 yrs old and have asked to have a character on XIV. We are tossing around if we want to do it or not ourselves. Our actual primary concern is fighting over who gets to play the character as we will not be making two characters for them. It just doesn't make sense for the amount of time they'd play. But to be clear, our kids have been allowed to play video games since they were 4-5 yrs old. They are active children so I'm not worried about them becoming sedentary.

Now to your concerns about setting limits, that is your responsibility. You may treat her like an adult when talking to her about things, but setting limits are your responsibility. I don't let my kids stay up until 12-1a. They're not allowed out of their rooms (minus bathroom) past 9p. Why would I allow them to play games as long as me? It's just a set of defined expectations. And from what I can tell by you talking about the girl, she takes your expectations and follows them.

For the people concerned with hearing/seeing fowl language, if the kid is already watching the game, then it's no different than if they are playing it. We let our kids watch us play games. They are still exposed to the same things. And since game time would be supervised, it's not like you can't explain that the child can't say X, Y or Z.

My best suggestion would be to do PS3 version for a kid. Don't give them access to the keyboard. Turn the chat to Battle log. And let them play. Grinding is not difficult. And since the hunting log tells you what level to do things at, it makes a pretty simple guide.
#46 Aug 23 2013 at 12:38 AM Rating: Excellent
Just make sure she doesn't forget her family, her friends, her school, or her work.
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#47 Aug 23 2013 at 1:32 AM Rating: Decent
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@Melody: There is a difference between watching and playing a game. If there wasn't, you wouldn't have mentioned possible fighting over who gets to play the character.

Children are impressionable and have the ability to absorb way more information than adults as I am sure you are aware of. Sure, there is a language censor in-game, but there is not a name filter and that kind of thing is much different, because those types of players crave attention and expect others to call them by their perverted names when communicating in parties or raids for example.

Of course every parent has their own methods, and even though my son is learning how to play video games, I do not expose him to foul language or perverted "names" that no person would say to their parent or especially in a work environment and not expect to be fired over.

Not abusing anonymity online is the biggest lesson I plan to teach my son.
#48 Aug 23 2013 at 1:51 AM Rating: Excellent
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BartelX wrote:
Killua125 wrote:
Even worse on Ultros (4chan server). Tons of talk about Lalafell **** and animal **** in /shout. Plus the "epic trolling".


Seriously,stop it. I played phase 3 and phase 4 on Ultros. It was a very friendly, helpful community and not once did I see talk of what you mentioned above. I've ignored most of your posts, but you need to stop making sh*t up and giving people a false impression of our community. It's rude and extremely disrespectful to those of us on Ultros.


I agree so far I didn't even think someone was a d**ck in Ultros. The /shout chats that I had were either for help or funny. If I asked something in /shout in ul'dah general area it was sure that at least 1 person would help me out.

I have yet to see those 4chan trolls killua speaks of.
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#49 Aug 23 2013 at 3:14 AM Rating: Decent
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I started playing Everquest when I was 9 because my older sister played. I feel like I turned out okay.
#50 Aug 23 2013 at 3:32 AM Rating: Good
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Maybe I'm old fashioned but children who are 9 years old need to be reading books, playing in the outdoors, painting and drawing, making things out of cereal boxes, you know all that traditional stuff. Plonking them in front of a non educational video game or even just the tv is not good parenting.
Also there are already too many 30+ year old children for me to deal with in mmo's as it is :P
#51 Aug 23 2013 at 4:21 AM Rating: Decent
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it really boils down to, are you comfortable with your child playing online, where sometimes the community can prey on the vulnerable, will she be playing with family or friends, does she easily get offended ( not direct but what is said in general, the internet can be a nasty place sometimes )

the game itself is absolutely fine, Teen rating is there solely for the purpose of online, soo i really boils down to the parent understanding the child i guess, i was playing MMO's from an early age, but i was responsible to a degree where my parents trusted me a lot.

if you're really on edge, you can disable the chat box, which my limit the game unless she's in a linkshell or free company of real life or known friends, which i think will be totally fine.
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