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Clever retainer names...Follow

#1 Oct 06 2013 at 8:10 PM Rating: Good
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Am I the only one that rewards people with clever retainer names?

I mean, I just bought something off a retainer named Kmart. No, it was not the cheapest listed, although it was not significantly more expensive.

I'd just rather buy something knowing it probably came from a real character with a sense of humor.

Retainers I've rewarded with business:

The aforementioned Kmart
Wallyworld
Carrymystuff
Trapperkeeper
Lilmoocher

Moral of the story: Make me giggle when I see your retainer's name, and I'll buy your stuff even if it's not the lowest price.

Edited, Oct 6th 2013 10:16pm by Catwho
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#2 Oct 06 2013 at 8:13 PM Rating: Excellent
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I don't know that mine are particularly clever, but I have a Roegadyn retainer named Grizzlybear and a Lalafell retainer named Koalabear.
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#3 Oct 06 2013 at 8:18 PM Rating: Good
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My retainers name is Preciousroy. If we could have slogans for them, mine would say something like "Buy my flightless birds... SUCKERS!"
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#4 Oct 06 2013 at 8:55 PM Rating: Excellent
I named mine Fastnsassy. There was this 93 year old couple that used to come to my clinic and every time I asked the husband how the wife was, he'd tell me "Ohhh boy, she's fast n sassy!" Which was hilarious because she was the sweetest, slowest moving lil lady I'd ever met.
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#5 Oct 06 2013 at 8:58 PM Rating: Decent
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#6 Oct 06 2013 at 10:07 PM Rating: Decent
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lol, mines name is wallywallyworld on cactuar.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WF0tkdhtIDA
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#7 Oct 06 2013 at 10:36 PM Rating: Good
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trapperkeeper is awesome. mine are Tankgirl and Ripley. I like my female heroines. and apparently i like them to be selling stuff instead of fighting bad guys.
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#8 Oct 07 2013 at 12:22 AM Rating: Excellent
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I continued with a comics theme and called mine FrankCastle and SelinaKyle. Selina was KittyPryde but someone took that name in 2.0 before I reactivated my two.
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#9 Oct 07 2013 at 12:47 AM Rating: Decent
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Squeak, because he's my *****.
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#10 Oct 07 2013 at 12:59 AM Rating: Decent
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My retainer's a Miqote chick named Voyevoda. It's a Metal Gear Solid reference. Not necessarily clever but it's awesome as ****!
#11 Oct 07 2013 at 6:19 AM Rating: Good
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Both Lalafells, male is named Rumpel Stiltskin and female is Holly Hobby, he's greedy, she's just bored I suppose. *shrugs* I was also thinking of Bread'n Butter, Bacon Bringer, Bread Winner, Going'Going Gone... lotsa' different variations and ways to spell them. :)

Edited, Oct 7th 2013 8:20am by Subarcana
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#12 Oct 07 2013 at 6:31 AM Rating: Excellent
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I doubt mine are considered very "clever", but...

I named my original retainer "Wynne", and wanted to name her twin sister "Lynne", but it was already taken, so I got all creative and named her "Dynne" (Wine & Dine...kinda sorta). If I ever get a chance to re-create them, I'll make them more wine 'n dine-ish...
#13 Oct 07 2013 at 7:57 AM Rating: Excellent
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My retainer is a male hyur named "Swarovski" and, yes, he sells lots of jewelry. : D
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#14 Oct 07 2013 at 8:48 AM Rating: Excellent
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Oh boy. You can have two retainers? *sigh* Why do I miss the important stuff? Thanks guys!
#15 Oct 07 2013 at 9:48 AM Rating: Decent
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Ugh, why do I always think of doing stuff like this only when I see someone else mention it.

I already named my two, happy with how they are, but now I wish I'd made at least one with a funny name ; ;
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#16 Oct 07 2013 at 10:55 AM Rating: Good
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Yeah I'm glad I only made one on each character before it occurred to me to give them a silly, memorable name.

On Taprara Rara, her retainer is a male Highlander named O'Malley. On Ornlorna Wystowyn, she has a female Highlander named Halle that came out looking like Halle Berry... Katarh Mest has a "brother" named Zatarh, which looks like her, Moonkeeper and all, only male.

Now I have to think of cute, clever names for their second retainers. Not that there is a shortage of retail store names out there...

Edited, Oct 7th 2013 12:55pm by Catwho
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FFXI: Catwho on Bismarck: Retired December 2014
Thayos wrote:
I can't understand anyone who skips the cutscenes of a Final Fantasy game. That's like going to Texas and not getting barbecue.

FFXIV: Katarh Mest and Taprara Rara on Lamia Server - Member of The Swarm
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#17 Oct 07 2013 at 11:01 AM Rating: Good
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My retainer names are horrible and I feel a great shame.

Elvaan named lolretainers
and Miquote named BigolPuta

#18 Oct 07 2013 at 11:02 AM Rating: Good
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lolretainers would get a sale from me!
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Thayos wrote:
I can't understand anyone who skips the cutscenes of a Final Fantasy game. That's like going to Texas and not getting barbecue.

FFXIV: Katarh Mest and Taprara Rara on Lamia Server - Member of The Swarm
Curator of the XIV Wallpapers Tumblr and the XIV Fashion Tumblr
#19 Oct 07 2013 at 11:05 AM Rating: Decent
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Mine are called Quick Ben & Tattersail.

Just finished reading Gardens of the Moon and fell in love with those characters, wanted to honour them.
#20 Oct 07 2013 at 11:08 AM Rating: Decent
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Ooo I still have my Legacy character... will get retainers on my week off :D
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Olorinus the Ludicrous wrote:
The idea of old school is way more interesting than the reality
#21 Oct 07 2013 at 12:26 PM Rating: Excellent
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I have, still amazed I got this in XI and kept it in a server merge for a mule as well, gobbiebag.
#22 Oct 07 2013 at 12:52 PM Rating: Excellent
My 1.0 retainer was Igotwood, but I changed it to Mercy. My second is named Duty. Just named them after their personalities. I had a retainer named Junkpunch but I let my buddy take that name for his retainer.
#23 Oct 07 2013 at 1:18 PM Rating: Excellent
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SolomonGrundy wrote:
I continued with a comics theme and called mine FrankCastle and SelinaKyle. Selina was KittyPryde but someone took that name in 2.0 before I reactivated my two.

Rate up for the Punisher reference.

Speaking of Kitty Pryde, I have a huge crush on Ellen Page.
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#24 Oct 07 2013 at 2:04 PM Rating: Good
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I used to have a mule in FFXI named Walmartaru. I didn't think of anything clever for XIV though. I just named my retainers after characters I created when I used to play Tera.
#25 Oct 07 2013 at 2:11 PM Rating: Good
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Mine are called Elathia and Shalandra.
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#26 Oct 07 2013 at 2:14 PM Rating: Good
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I have a redhead named Readhead
I have a another named Backpack.
#27 Oct 07 2013 at 2:16 PM Rating: Good
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If it had been called Shalindra that is the most annoying, whiney character from FFX and FFX-2.
Mine are called Bronty and Purrdi same as my mules in FFXI.

Edited, Oct 7th 2013 4:19pm by KissMyPixel
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#28 Oct 07 2013 at 2:54 PM Rating: Good
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Items Retainer: Assets
Equipment Retainer: Dos Equis

Assets is not a witty play on my retainer's looks, but ratehr her purpose (she is a Lalafell). I used to have one called B of A, but without the spaces, it just spells Bofa, and that sounds like a horrid name.

Dos Equis is what I imagine the mob's eyes turn into when I kill them: X.X I'm not a fan of the beer, but i love the name.

@Catwho:
Best part is I'm on Balmung, so if you find their names to be witty/clever, please keep an eye out!

On the flip side, I see many names that refer to slavery in some fashion, usually tastelessly referencing race, and though they sometimes the lowest, I avoid them at all costs.
#29 Oct 07 2013 at 3:19 PM Rating: Good
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Good point. I already avoid "gggggg" and "dfdfdfdfdf" but I'll also make a point to avoid anything that is outright insulting.
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Thayos wrote:
I can't understand anyone who skips the cutscenes of a Final Fantasy game. That's like going to Texas and not getting barbecue.

FFXIV: Katarh Mest and Taprara Rara on Lamia Server - Member of The Swarm
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#30 Oct 07 2013 at 3:19 PM Rating: Good
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Dos Equis better have white hair and a beard.
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Olorinus the Ludicrous wrote:
The idea of old school is way more interesting than the reality
#31 Oct 07 2013 at 3:24 PM Rating: Good
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My Roegadyn retainer is named Backpack :p
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#32 Oct 07 2013 at 4:44 PM Rating: Good
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For my retainers I actually used my real first name, Douglas, for one, and a variation of my sister's first name, Susan. Susan was already taken, or at least it was in 1.0, but I still kept the name I wound up using, Siouxsie.
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#33 Oct 07 2013 at 5:28 PM Rating: Decent
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punkphloyd wrote:
Mine are called Quick Ben & Tattersail.

Just finished reading Gardens of the Moon and fell in love with those characters, wanted to honour them.


I actually saw a Free Company called Bridge Burners a while ago. Almost wanted to join only because of the name..
As for the books, keep reading, stuff will happen..

As for my retainers, no funny names. MinerBotanistSeller and StuffIDontWant
#34 Oct 07 2013 at 6:09 PM Rating: Decent
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Pawkeshup the Meaningless wrote:


Well played.

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#35 Oct 07 2013 at 6:21 PM Rating: Good
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Her name is Shibari. She has the submissive personality when she greets me.

You? I like to imagine she'd rip your head off if you crossed us.


Yeah... X-MEN's Hellfire Club left a lasting impression on me...
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#36 Oct 11 2013 at 2:37 PM Rating: Excellent
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diiablo wrote:
@Catwho:
Best part is I'm on Balmung, so if you find their names to be witty/clever, please keep an eye out!

Catwho's character on Balmung is in my social LS. You're welcome to join us, if you'd like.
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#37 Oct 12 2013 at 3:06 AM Rating: Excellent
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I want to make one with the name "Ineedjustone" and have him sell stacks of 7 crafting items that are necessary, but not so highly sought after or used that people want more than 2 or three.
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#38 Oct 12 2013 at 10:06 AM Rating: Good
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My names aren't that clever, but I did do my best to recreate my FFXI character model as one of my retainers. It amuses me to think that the same character that defeated gods, saved dimensions, and is overall badass is holding my yew logs and rock salt. My friends always referred to me as {Alt Key} in FFXI, so that's what I named my retainer.
#39 Oct 12 2013 at 10:10 AM Rating: Good
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I lol'd pretty hard when I saw

13,999g - Cheaperthanastonos
13,999g - Cheaperthanastonos
14,000g - Astonos
14,000g - Astonos
14,000g - Astonos
14,000g - Astonos
#40 Oct 12 2013 at 10:12 AM Rating: Good
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RippedApart wrote:
I lol'd pretty hard when I saw

13,999g - Cheaperthanastonos
13,999g - Cheaperthanastonos
14,000g - Astonos
14,000g - Astonos
14,000g - Astonos
14,000g - Astonos

Unless they were using it as a gimmick to sell more, and the're really the same guy. lol
#41 Oct 12 2013 at 10:15 AM Rating: Good
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The retainer I use to sell things is named Joe. That's right. It occurred to me to try and make up something clever, then I was like, "Nah".

And I always think its great when I can nab an actual name. Those are the rarest names of all.
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#42 Oct 12 2013 at 10:16 AM Rating: Decent
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I have Halifax and Barclay. You might need to be British to get the names :P
#43 Oct 13 2013 at 8:49 AM Rating: Excellent
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punkphloyd wrote:
Mine are called Quick Ben & Tattersail.

Just finished reading Gardens of the Moon and fell in love with those characters, wanted to honour them.


I love Malazan references. So far I've met a Tavore Paran and an Apsalar on Excalibur.
#44 Oct 13 2013 at 4:32 PM Rating: Good
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Long ago in FFXI, I named one of my mules (a galka) Vorkswagon. I thought it was pretty funny, but everybody just groaned.
That's about the most inventive and amusing name I ever came up with... Well, I thought so at the time... Smiley: rolleyes
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#45 Oct 13 2013 at 6:42 PM Rating: Good
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BartelX wrote:
My retainers name is Preciousroy. If we could have slogans for them, mine would say something like "Buy my flightless birds... SUCKERS!"


Yes! Sifl and Olly reference for the win.
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#46 Oct 14 2013 at 6:45 AM Rating: Good
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I named my retainer Baldrick. Best worst servant ever.
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#47 Oct 14 2013 at 7:31 AM Rating: Good
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My 2nd retainer on Katahr Mest is now "Grumpyoldman." I made him a bald Lalafell with an epic white beard.
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Thayos wrote:
I can't understand anyone who skips the cutscenes of a Final Fantasy game. That's like going to Texas and not getting barbecue.

FFXIV: Katarh Mest and Taprara Rara on Lamia Server - Member of The Swarm
Curator of the XIV Wallpapers Tumblr and the XIV Fashion Tumblr
#48 Oct 14 2013 at 7:56 AM Rating: Excellent
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I have a miqote named Saucy and a Roe named Bossy. Cuz it rhymes


Best name ever: undercuttingahole
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